I Trusted You
by ToastieBlainers
Summary: Kurt and Blaine have been married for four years, a week before their four year anniversary Kurt comes home to find Blaine in bed with another man can he ever forgive him… can Kurt learn to trust him (originally posted on ScarvesandCoffee under Toastieandcabbage) [Alternate Ending]
1. Finding Out

Kurt and Blaine had been high school sweethearts; from the moment they met on the staircase at Dalton Academy they were inseparable. They did everything together; mostly they fought against the homophobic ideals of Lima, Ohio. They began dating in junior year and in their final year at NYU Blaine proposed … at graduation. They had been happily married for 4 years - or so Kurt thought …

"Hey honey," said Kurt wearily as he entered the apartment, shrugging off his Gucci anorak, absent-mindedly picking up the mail and sifting through the pile of bills.

It had been a long day at the office; Kurt was a fashion editor for Runway. Today he had to redo i_all/i_ the outfits for the new issue because they 'just weren't right' for Harriet's new vision. Kurt loved all of Harriet's ideas but sometimes she could be a real pain. He sat down on the sofa pressing his index finger to his temple.

"Blaine?" he shouted. Usually his husband was sitting on the sofa, waiting for him. Maybe he'd just gone for a little nap, so Kurt went to check their room. "Hey Blaine honey, I'm ho-"

Kurt entered his bedroom to find his 'loving' husband in bed with none other than the despicable Sebastian Smythe from Blaine's office. Kurt literally loathed the guy; he'd always hated the relationship Kurt and Blaine had. Every time Kurt dropped Blaine's lunch off on a Wednesday morning Sebastian would leer, maybe make a homophobic remark. The latter made this discovery even more surprising.

The scene that greeted his tired eyes made him want to cry, scream, run, and throw stuff around. He saw Sebastian tied to their 'honeymoon suite' bed with some of Blaine's old school ties and there was one covering his eyes - so neither of them noticed Kurt standing at the door mouth agape - with Blaine straddling Sebastian, his hips trusting down, small ghosting moans escaped Sebastian's lips, as he pleaded for more, for Blaine to go faster.

"Baby I'm close … you know you're so beautiful when you fall apart."

"I'm close too … take the blindfold off … I love to see your eyes when you cum." said Sebastian. Blaine complied the request, one hand grasped around Sebastian's thick cock, sliding up and down with long sweeping strokes, as he used the other hand to remove the blindfold. When he did, Sebastian's cock went flaccid in seconds as he stared at Kurt.

"Baby what's wrong, are you okay …?" Blaine asked, seeing Sebastian nod toward the open door where Kurt still stood staring in disbelief at the scene he'd just walked in on. He shook his head, turned on his heel and ran. Blaine heard the front door slamming.

Shit. He didn't think Kurt would be home until later … he'd fucked up everything lately. Even a drunken one-night stand, which Kurt didn't know about, had turned into a full-blown affair.

Kurt walked the few blocks to Rachel and Finn's apartment. He needed to talk to someone and he and Rachel had been best friends for years. He just needed to talk to someone … someone who wasn't Blaine.

"Hey honey, could you get that?" Kurt heard Rachel say from the other side of the door. "I'm just getting Patti in to the bath."

He heard Finn's heavy footsteps moving towards the door, a key turned in the lock and the door creaked open.

"Hey, Kurt … what's wrong?" the tall man stood in the doorway asked as he took in the tear stains on Kurt's cheeks and the redness of his eyes.

"Who is it?" Rachel called from the bathroom as Kurt walked in, still in tears.

Rachel entered the living room. She took one look at Kurt and said "Finn, sweetie will you keep an eye on Patti, and finish getting her ready for bed?… I'll talk to Kurt."

Finn looked somewhat relieved to not have _that _conversation with Kurt; he knew it'd just get awkward … after sophomore year and everything.

"Okay honey - tell me what's happened… did you and Blaine have a fight?"

"Not yet," he said, taking a tissue from the box Rachel was handing him. "I – I - came home, earlier than I thought I would, you know cause I had to redesign all the outfits?" Rachel nodded. "And Blaine - and Blaine … he was in - in bed with Sebastian!" This made Kurt fall into a whole new wave of sobs.

"Oh honey, what are you going to do? How long has it been going on, do you know?" she asked, reaching an arm around Kurt and rubbing his arm reassuringly.

"I don't know Rach ... I just don't know anymore. I thought we were happy … it's been four years. Why didn't he tell me if he wasn't? I've always been honest with him - I've told him everything … we were starting to look into adoption. How can I know he'll be one hundred per cent committed to the kid if he can't even be honest with me?"

"I think you need to talk this out with him … hear his side of things." Rachel said.

"He was topping, Rachel … does that not make it clear that he knew what he was doing" Kurt snapped but then sighed. "Sorry."

"Honey, Blaine really loves you … just talk to him at least, find out what he has to say. If you do decide to stay together, here's the number of a good marriage councillor," she said, scribbling down the number in her usual curly handwriting "Would you like coffee or something to calm down a little?"

"No, thanks Rach, I think it'd only get make me more shaky. I should get going; it could be a long talk."

"Okay … just call if you need me, okay?"

"Sure." He gave her a tight hug, and with one last blow of his nose, he left.

When Kurt returned home from Rachel and Finn's, puffy-eyed and more exhausted than earlier, Sebastian had left and Blaine was sitting on the sofa, holding his head in his hands. Kurt dropped his keys loudly down on the glass table in the hall. This alerted Blaine to Kurt's arrival and he spun around.

"Kurt, listen … I love you … what happened with Sebastian earlier was a huge mistake."

"DO WEDDING VOWS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?" Kurt yelled.

"Yes, they do and I really do love you." Blaine insisted.

"Oh _really? _Is that why I found you fucking someone else?" snapped Kurt, tears springing in his eyes.

"It was a huge mistake! I got so confused after I went to the gay bar with him …" Blaine said.

"So you go to gay bars now too, huh?" Kurt asked incredulously. "You had fun with all the fucking strippers and escorts and whatever? How could you do this? I thought we were happy together, for god's sakes - we were about to start adoption proceedings, Blaine!" Kurt shouted, throwing his hands in the air in anger.

"Okay, so you're mad about that part, okay …" Blaine muttered.

"… Did something else happen, Blaine?"

"Well I … I might have had a few too many drinks … and then ended up sleeping with him afterwards …"

"_What? _So this wasn't even the first time? Why didn't you i_ell_ me? I thought we were _always _honest with each other! You could have told me and maybe and we could've worked it out, but no, instead you continue you secret affair with _Smythe,_" Kurt spat the name with more venom in his voice than Blaine had ever heard. "Don't you see, Blaine? Now that I had to find out on my own, _walking in_ on you too, it's so much worse! How long has this been going on?"

"About three weeks …" Blaine muttered sheepishly.

"Three weeks. Three _fucking _weeks." Kurt repeated, fighting back the urge to scream and throw things. "What the fuck were you _thinking_, Blaine?! Why did you feel the need to sleep with him - am I not enough for you? You're not getting enough from me so you decided to go get it from somewhere else?"

That comment made Blaine snap. He knew he had no right to be angry but the last comment cut him deep.

"Well it's not like you've been around much, lately." he retorted.

"I've been busy _working_, Blaine. Doing my _job, _so we can _afford _stuff, so we can save money to buy things for the little _kid _we were supposed to adopt. So I could take you out for a nice dinner on our anniversary next week. It's our four-year anniversary next week, Blaine. Do you even _care?" _Kurt shook his head in disbelief.

"Of course I do …" Blaine whispered. He really had nothing to be angry about; everything Kurt had said was true. He had no right to complain or be angry. "I'm really sorry Kurt, and I know it's not your fault you've been working late. I still _really_ love you. Honestly, and that will _never_ happen again, I swear. Could you please, _please _forgive me Kurt? Please?"

"I don't know, Blaine. I'll have to think about it. I just can't deal with this right now." Kurt said, refusing to look at Blaine in the eye and turning on his heel, grabbing his coat and opening the door.

"Kurt, no - please don't go!" Blaine shouted, but Kurt didn't answer as he slammed the door shut behind him.

Blaine collapsed on the sofa, he was a stupid, stupid man, and he could very well lose the only man he actually cared about … all over a silly drunken mistake. Sebastian had this way of making Blaine do things, like he could control him; he could read his mind… Blaine _hated_ that quality about him.

He hated how much Sebastian despised Kurt too… in fact he pretty much hated everything about Sebastian. He had been positively livid went Kurt came home … he yelled at Blaine, but this didn't cut into him as much as when Kurt had done it. Sebastian had nothing to be mad at Blaine about; _they _were the adulterers … Blaine was the adulterer.

He understood why Kurt didn't want to look at him - _he_ couldn't even look at himself right now. He fell asleep on the couch, not feeling right sleeping in their bed - firstly because Kurt wasn't there and secondly it was where he broke his vows, where he was when he saw Kurt's heart shatter into a million tiny pieces … he didn't deserve the comfort of the bed.


	2. Alone

Kurt entered the gay bar, eyes still damp from the tears over his shattered marriage. He took the only available seat at the bar and ordered a pint of Heineken. Kurt never usually drank or went to gay bars, but he needed to go somewhere to numb the pain of his heartbreak … somewhere where he could openly discuss his marriage without being harassed.

Kurt sat at the bar for an hour or so. He was on to his third beer when a blonde guy came and sat next to him. Being hit on was the last thing Kurt needed right now.

"Hey." The man said. He was short and had shaggy hair that just covered his ears. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Kurt turned, wiggled his wedding-ring finger at him and went back to drinking his beer. The guy turned his attention to the slender redhead on the dance floor.

"You know what I hate?" said Kurt to no-one in particular, fixing his stare on his beer bottle.

"Enlighten me." said the guy who was still sitting next to him, taking a swig from his bottle.

"Men who don't keep promises."

"Oh?" said the other guy, suddenly more interested in this conversation as he turned to look at Kurt. If he was lucky he might get to take this broken boy home…

"I mean, we stood up and vowed to be faithful to each other and he goes and does that … and with _him_ I just … ugh - I hate Smythe, I fucking hate him!" said Kurt clenching his fists, hot tears falling down his face.

"My name's Jeremiah."

"I'm Kurt, Kurt Hummel." said Kurt extending his hand to Jeremiah.

"Wait - Kurt Hummel as in _the _Kurt Hummel, fashion editor for Runway magazine?"

"Yes. That's me - Kurt Hummel, fashion editor for Runway Magazine, with a cheating husband." Kurt responded, sounding bored.

"Well Mr Hummel, this guy's a jerk, and he doesn't deserve you or your talents. I love your designs and outfit compositions." the other guy said, lighting up as he gushed about Kurt and his talent.

"He's not just _a guy_, He's my fucking husband!" Kurt snapped, fighting the urge to punch something as the anger boiled in his stomach. "He used to deserve me, he was nice. I never thought he'd cheat on me though … _ever_. But thanks … I work hard on the designs …" continued Kurt in a quieter voice.

"Well, he _sounds_ like a jerk. How about I take you back to my place and I could show you a good time? It seems like you've had a pretty bad night" said Jeremiah suggestively.

"Three things Jeremy, was it? Whatever - one, I am _married_ and unlike me for my husband, he _is_ enough for me. Two, you're not my type, and three I don't do one night stands." Kurt said scathingly.

Jeremiah looked positively livid and slightly taken aback by Kurt's tone; it was almost as if he'd never been turned down. His expression hardened, no-one spoke to him like that.

"Fuck you, Kurt! I could have been good for you but hey, you're happy in your _marriage_." said the other guy, walking off to join the redhead on the dance floor, storming past Nick as he went.

"Kurt?" asked Nick, walking over towards him. "What's going on? What did that guy want? And you're drinking - you never drink!"

"I don't want to talk about it; being an ass; and I do when I'm angry and upset, Nick." Kurt snapped. Great - Nick was here. He'd probably want to take him back to Blaine, and be on Blaine's side … after all he and Jeff i_were_/i Blaine's friends first.

"Come on, Kurt - I'm taking you home." Nick said, trying to pull Kurt away.

"No! Not back to my place, I can't look at him right now."

"Okay, back to mine and Jeff's then … come on I think you've had enough to drink."

With that Kurt allowed Nick to direct him out of the bar, and into a cab. Nick was confused as to why Kurt was drinking and why he couldn't even look at Blaine. What had he done?

"Hey honey" said Nick, half-walking, half-carrying Kurt into their apartment "Look who I found, out _drinking _ at the bar."

"What? _Kurt's_ been drinking? What happened? He never drinks." Jeff sounded really concerned.

"I think he and Blaine have had a fight … when I found him he was talking to this other guy who was hitting on him. Kurt yelled at him. When I tried to take him home, he said he couldn't look at Blaine right now." He answered, pulling Kurt over and sitting him on the couch.

Nick and Jeff had a nice studio apartment overlooking Central Park. It was small but homey - Kurt had helped them decorate, as neither of them had the same eye for interior design that Kurt had. A sophisticated glass coffee table sat in the middle of the main room in front of the soft white leather couch, and the hard wooden floors had been sanded and varnished so it gave a warm glow to the room in the summer months. The walls … the walls were a soft blue colour … Kurt and Blaine had picked that out together - Blaine knew them better, but Kurt had the designer's eye.

"Kurt, Are you okay?" said Jeff, setting a mug of coffee on the table

"No, ihmnot okay …" Kurt slurred, sighing as he relived the past 2 hours. "Can I use your bathroom?" he said with urgency.

Jeff nodded and Kurt sprinted to the bathroom. When he arrived in the aqua room he leant over the white rim of the toilet seat and threw up what felt like the entire contents of his stomach and then some. When he returned to Nick and Jeff he was very pale, small beads of sweat gathered along his hairline.

"Kurt, do you want to talk about what happened?" asked Nick cautiously.

"Not really – sorry, Nick. Sorry. I've thought it over way, way too much for one evening … I think all I really need is some sleep. We can talk about it in the morning." said Kurt, stifling a fake yawn.

"Okay Kurt, you can take the guest room. The bed linens are all set up … you have a nice sleep."

Kurt walked down the narrow hall to the small, deep purple guest room; he sat down on the crisp white linens and began to sob again. Why would Blaine do such a thing to him? Yes, he hadn't been around as much as he'd have liked, but he had more than made up for it at the weekends. There were some days when they'd never left their room.

Kurt lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. After about five minutes he woke up with a start, as he saw Blaine repeatedly thrusting into Sebastian; he heard the soft moans tumbling over his lips, and Blaine's ragged breathing. He was covered in a cold sweat, and glanced over at clock which clearly displayed 03:04am. Kurt tried to fall back to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he kept seeing Sebastian and Blaine together, in different compromising positions. Eventually he gave up on sleep and took a nice long shower, taking his mind off his troubles by sketching some new designs for the fall line.

By the time the clock struck 7am, when Nick and Jeff's alarm went off, Kurt was well and truly putting his pent-up aggression to good use.

"Kurt, what are you doing?" asked Jeff groggily.

"I couldn't sleep, so I drew some sketches, straightened up at little, made a pot of coffee and now I'm making you guys some pancakes."

"Yum! Pancakes!" said Nick excitedly.

"So, I guess you guys would like to know what happened last night that was so bad I had to drink, huh?" said Kurt, turning to his friends and cocking an eyebrow.

"Only if you want to tell us, Kurt." Jeff replied, looking apologetic. He poured himself a cup of coffee before filling his plate with pancakes.

"Well, Blaine and I had a huge fight last night." Kurt said, trying not to let any more tears fall, feeling that too many had been shed over this already. "I came home and found him balls deep in _Smythe_." his voice was venomous as he spat the name.

"Oh Kurt, honey," said Jeff sweetly, pulling Kurt to sit down when he saw his legs shaking.

"Yeah, so … I just don't know what to do. Part of me hates his guts and wants to forget about him – just get him out of my life, but part of me … part of me is still hopelessly in love with him." said Kurt, breaking down in to tears.

"Kurt, I think maybe you should spend a bit of time figuring out what you want to do, and whatever decision you make, we'll be here to help you through it, okay?' said Jeff.

"O-okay, t-thank you guys - you, you always know what to say … but maybe, maybe I should, should call him, just let him know…"

***

**Meanwhile…**

Blaine rose early the next day. He rolled over as he did every morning to give Kurt a hug, only to fall off the couch … and as he hit the cool wooden floor, the reality of what happened yesterday hit him. He'd ruined _everything_ … he just hoped that Kurt could forgive him. He'd wait forever for Kurt's forgiveness.

He got up, stretching as he moved to switch on the coffee maker… he kept half-hoping that Kurt would walk sleepily into the kitchen, sneak up behind him, loop his arms around his waist and kiss his cheek, or simply start making his amazing pancakes. Blaine missed him.

He had poured himself a bowl of cereal and mug of coffee and was sat down at the breakfast bar when his phone started to play Uptown Girl, Nick and Jeff's ringtone. Why were Nick and Jeff phoning him? He had no plans with them.

"Hey guys, what's -"

"Blaine, it's me." said Kurt quietly.

"Oh … uh … hi Kurt" said Blaine.

"I need to be away from our apartment, away from you for a while. I'm staying over at Nick and Jeff's for three or four days. I need … I need to think, okay? Nick and Jeff will be by to pick up some of my clothes."

"Yeah, yeah … I understand … I miss you" said Blaine softly.

Blaine really did miss Kurt - he missed all the little things he did … everything. He missed Kurt's soft, kind eyes. The last time he'd seen them they were full of hatred, anger, hurt, sadness - it killed Blaine to know he put that there.

"Don't, Blaine … just don't!"

The tears started to fall down Kurt's cheeks. He missed Blaine too - he missed feeling his warmth against him at night; Blaine's arms felt like safety - Kurt's own little cocoon of protection. He missed Blaine's eyes, the ones that had transfixed him from the moment he saw them, the only ones that could undo him, the ones that comforted him - the ones that were filled with so much regret last night.

"Don't what?"

"Don't start with the 'I miss you's and the 'I love you's. I can't - I just can't, Blaine."

"But, I -"

"No! Blaine, just stop! I don't want to hear it …"

"I … but, I … okay" Blaine sighed.

"I'll see you in a few days, Blaine."

"Yeah, in a few days."

"I love you." said Blaine, to the empty kitchen when Kurt had hung up; a pit fell in his stomach. This was going to be a very long three or four days.


	3. Day 1 (a)

Nick and Jeff left for work, Jeff worked at Javu as pastry chef and Nick is a Gym teacher at Tribeca prep.

"Kurt, are you sure you'll be alright?" Jeff asked, concerned.

"Yes! I'll be fine, okay? Just go to work already, you'll be late."

"Fine, as long as you're sure … we want you as you are now when we return, okay?!"

"I promise - now get or I won't make pancakes again tomorrow!"

"Okay, okay … we're going, we're going." said Nick hustling his boyfriend out the door.

"Bye, guys! Thanks again for letting me stay and for getting some of my stuff." Kurt called down the hall; he walked to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee before sitting down on the sofa and dialling the phone.

"Hey, it's that Millie? Yeah, it's Kurt. I'm alright thanks … um, Millie - is anyone in yet? Great, patch me through? Okay, bye Millie … yes, we'll have to meet for coffee and have a nice catch up."

Kurt sat and waited for the other person to pick up.

"Hey Kurt, what's up? It's almost 9am … where are you?" they said.

"Harriet, hey. I'm having a bit of a personal crisis at the moment - would you mind terribly if I worked from home today? I'll be back tomorrow … I just have some stuff to deal with …"

"Of course Kurt, could you get some fall line sketches done?"

"Yes, I have ten of them already … would you like me to fax them over?"

"Yes please, that would be great. I'm sorry to hear about whatever it is. I hope it gets better soon"

"Yeah, you and me both, Harriet. I'll go fax those now, and I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Kurt hung up the phone and got dressed in some of the clothes Nick and Jeff had lent him. He was glad they were picking up some of his own clothes later. He slung on his Prada ankle boots and Gucci anorak and walked to the nearest copy place.

On his walk he was reminded of the first time he and Blaine met … it was a moment that changed his life for the better.

"_Excuse me … um – hi! Can I ask you a question, I'm - I'm new here?" said Kurt nervously, as a throng of blue blazers passed him. Thankfully a slightly shorter boy with dark hair had stopped and turned._

"_My name's Blaine." the dark-haired boy replied. He had beautiful amber eyes; Kurt fell almost instantly. It was almost as if he was meant to find Blaine, like this meeting was fate._

"_Kurt! Um - so what exactly is going on?" He asked, looking around at the sea of blazers rushing down the stairs which all seemed to be heading to the same place._

"_The Warblers! Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons. It tends to shut the school for a while." Blaine answered with a small laugh. How Kurt loved that laugh … it made Blaine's eyes sparkle._

"_So wait - the glee club here is kind of cool?" said Kurt disbelievingly. He couldn't imagine the glee club being cool, not after all the daily slushies, the taunts, the harassment he and his fellow members had to endure._

"_The Warblers are like rock stars! Come on, I know a short cut …" said Blaine taking Kurt's hand, Kurt's pulse quickening as Blaine dragged him off down a corridor._

"_Oh, I stick out like a sore thumb!" Kurt exclaimed. _

"_Well next time don't forget your jacket, new kid. You'll fit right in!" said Blaine with a wink. "Now, if you'll excuse me …" He continued as the Warblers started harmonizing. Kurt had recognised the song almost instantly. _

_Blaine took him for coffee after … he told him about his past and his own experience with bullies. Blaine helped him out of his dark place, without even knowing how much he had helped him … saved him._

Kurt found himself humming Teenage Dream … he cursed himself before entering the copy place.

"Hey! How can I be of service, handsome?" said the guy behind the counter.

"Hey, Matt. I need these faxing to 1-153-11082011 please." said Kurt distractedly,

Still deep in thought about his and Blaine's first meeting, he almost didn't hear Matt's comments on his designs. Matt was a really good friend … Kurt knew he had a slight crush on him. It was sweet really – it had taken two terms at NYU for him to be able to say two words to Kurt. When he'd finally gathered up enough courage to stop staring at his ass from afar, he'd asked Kurt out for a drink. Kurt felt bad having to tell the obviously nervous Matt that he had a boyfriend, but they had become good friends. The three of them – Kurt, Matt _and_ Blaine hung out, went for drinks … they had so much fun together.

"There you go. Hey, how come you're not at work?" asked Matt, blushing at the fact his fingers brushed past Kurt's as he handed back the gorgeous sketches.

"I don't really want to talk about it. Sorry … it's just a thing with me and Blaine. I've already talked about it a lot." Kurt apologised. He glanced back and saw a line forming behind him. "Looks like you're getting a little busy. I should go."

Kurt flashed Matt a smile, and patted his arm before turning and leaving.

"Hope everything is better soon." called Matt, causing Kurt to turn and wave before leaving the copy place.

Kurt silently hoped that it did too. He really didn't want to lose Blaine, the only man he'd ever loved … he'd had crushes before, but it had only ever been Blaine for him. Blaine was everything he'd hoped for - the life they'd had was what he saw when Mr Schue had asked them to think of one thing to look forward to.

He arrived back at Nick and Jeff, fixed himself a cucumber sandwich, switched on the TV and flicked through the channels. There was nothing on so he decided to watch 'RENT', his favourite musical movie.

Kurt was sat on the white leather couch, coffee in hand, flicking through the new issue of Vogue when his phone started playing 'Don't Rain on My Parade'. Rachel was calling him, and he chose to ignore it. It began to ring again, and again he ignored it. He really didn't want to talk with anyone any more than he felt was necessary; he just wanted time alone to think. Rachel kept calling, and on the fifth attempt Kurt finally picked up, as it was clear she wasn't going leave him alone.

"Hey, Rach." he sighed.

"Why weren't you answering your phone? I was worried!" she said, sounding panicky.

"I'm sorry, Rach - I just don't feel like talking much today."

"Oh. Well I was just checking to see if you were okay and hadn't done anything stupid."

Kurt knew what she meant; he'd never do that again, no matter the circumstances. He hated how it made him feel to know that he'd done that to himself … hurt himself like that. He still had the scars as a reminder of how much of an idiot he'd been.

"Rachel," he said, exasperated "I'm twenty-eight now, not sixteen. I won't go back … it was disgusting, I see that now, and I wish I'd never done it, okay?"

"Okay, if you're sure … but if you get those feelings again I want you to promise you'll call me, and I'll be straight over."

"I promise, okay Rach?" Kurt sighed. He'd already been through this with Nick and Jeff.

"HEY! Don't you sigh at me, we were all worried about you back then, seeing you hurt yourself and then not talking to us about it."

"Yeah, I know… I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay, honey … I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?!" said Kurt, puzzled. He didn't remember having any plans with Rachel.

"Yeah, we're singing a set at Bar4 in Brooklyn, remember?"

"Oh yeah … I'm sorry Rach, I'm not-"

"Please, Kurt … you promised!"

This was Rachel's first gig in weeks, and Kurt had promised he'd sing with her. They hadn't really had time to sing together since high school. He sank back into memories from his high school glee club - the songs they had sung, the competitions, the disappointments, the family they had.

"I know Rach, but I just don't feel-"

"Pleeeeaaaasssseeee, Kurt." she pleaded.

"I- ugh- fine" said Kurt reluctantly.

"Yay!" she squealed "I'll see you tomorrow … 7:30pm."

"Yeah, okay" Kurt said, hanging up the phone.

Tears started to roll down his cheeks as he remembered how it felt the first time he and Blaine sang a duet together. Blaine had been flirtatious and adorable … granted it was a flirty song, but still. When Blaine had his mouth those few millimetres away from Kurt's, it had taken all of his strength not to kiss those perfect pink lips. It was hard as Blaine's eyes bore into him, looked deep into his soul and read every inch of him.

"Hey, Kurt … ooh, something smells nice!" Jeff smiled as he and Nick entered the apartment.

"Its pasta with a cheesy creamy sauce, bacon and courgette." Kurt said as he added the cream cheese.

"Sounds divine, but aren't we supposed to be looking after _you_? You are our guest, Kurt."

"Well, seeing as Nick can't cook to save his life and your cooking expertise is restricted solely to pastry, I thought I'd give your take-out menus a rest and cook for you." Kurt joked, taking a spoonful of sauce and passing it to Nick and Jeff to taste.

"Oh. My. God, Kurt - that is amazing!" said Nick, eying up the dinner. "When's it gonna be ready?"

"About 15 minutes. Why don't you boys wash up? You have flour on your ear, Jeff - it's driving me nuts!" Kurt smiled, returning to the stove and checking on the pasta.

Jeff brushed off his ear and followed his boyfriend to go freshen up.

They enjoyed a quiet meal, sharing musings from their day. Nick went into particular detail about what he called 'the best damnedest game of dodgeball ever', in which the team with all the geeks and unpopular kids won for a change. Jeff told them about the new sous chef who ended up ruining the entire stock of steaks for the week. Kurt had nothing much to report. When they had finished dinner, Kurt was intrigued by the clothes that Nick and Jeff had picked up for him.

"Wow, you guys did well! Awww, how did you know that this bow tie was my favourite? Oh, and you've chosen an outfit that will be perfect for tomorrow's gig." Kurt chimed as he unpacked the small duffle bag and hung it up. "And you've got all my face creams and hair products here too … thank you, guys."

"Actually Kurt, Blaine had packed it all …" said Nick carefully, not too sure how Kurt would take that piece of information.

"He said that we would have gotten it all wrong." said Jeff.

"Oh," said Kurt, frantically checking the pockets on the duffle bag, as he suspected he'd found a small, folded-up piece of paper.

Nick and Jeff left, feeling that Kurt might want to be alone. He unfolded it carefully and read it.

_Kurt,_

_I just wanted to say goodnight._

_Blaine_

A single tear rolled steadily down Kurt's cheek. He missed Blaine … it had only been a day, and already he felt lost without his husband; missed seeing his eyes, missed his warmth next to him in bed. He lay down and drifted off to sleep.


	4. Day 1 (b)

Blaine placed his phone on the counter, finished his cereal and then went to take a quick shower. He didn't think he could face work today, especially since Sebastian would be in, so he decided to call in sick.

"Hi - Dijon?"

"Speaking -how may I help you sir?" said Dijon in his, as Blaine deemed, 'telephone voice'.

"It's Blaine-"

"Blaine, dude where are you? It's almost nine." Dijon cut in.

"Just patch me through to Jordan, okay?!" Blaine snapped. He really didn't want to discuss anything, especially not with Dijon - he was the office gossip.

"Okay Mr Grumpy-pants…" teased Dijon

Blaine sat on hold, wondering what Kurt was doing right now. He imagined him sitting alone in Nick and Jeff's apartment snuggled up in a comforter watching 'RENT' … that always made him feel better. He'd have a mug of steaming-hot coffee, maybe some cereal. His hair would be slightly messy (when he didn't leave the apartment he left his hair 'bed tousled'). He'd have a box of tissues by his side ready. He'd look so adorable, so beautiful … he always looked beautiful.

"Hello, Blaine." said Jordan, pulling Blaine from his thoughts.

"Hello sir," Blaine said, faking a sick voice. It was times like this he was thankful that he was good at acting "I'm ill … a–a-atchew … I think I have a cold. I can't come in for a couple of days."

"Oh, but Blaine we need the Lawrence story. I guess I could give it to Sebast-"

"No, no - I'll be find by Thursday. Please, just hold it off until then. I worked really hard on that article, and I'm not having Sebastian take the credit for my research!"

"Okay Blaine, but it needs to be on my desk by 3pm on Thursday!"

"Yes – yes, it will. Thank you, I'm sorry…"

Jordan hung up the phone leaving a deafening silence to fill the small apartment. Blaine downed the remainder of his coffee, took a quick cool shower, spending most of the time wishing Kurt was with him. He hopped out, dressed himself in sweatpants and Kurt's favourite hoodie of his and padded around the room.

He missed Kurt. His pillow didn't smell like him anymore; it smelled of betrayal, loss, bitterness and Sebastian. He quickly stripped the sheets, and threw them out … he didn't care that they were a tiny bit pricy because he just wanted them out of his house. All they were was a reminder of how he shattered Kurt's heart - he didn't need that, not with Kurt gone.

He plucked fresh linens from the cupboard and put them on the bed. He glanced at the clock which read 9:36am. He groaned and went to lie on the couch, flicking through the TV channels. After finding nothing to cheer him up he decided to sort through some clothes for Kurt… Nick and Jeff wouldn't get it right.

He carefully petted all Kurt clothes, all neatly paired up and organised. He picked three great work outfits, making sure that they were perfect. He picked out a white shirt and grey waistcoat with a pair of black skinnies - the ones that made Kurt's ass look great – as they would be perfect for his and Rachel's gig the next day. As he began to pack it all into a duffle bag he got an idea, and quickly headed to his desk. He began to write some little notes for Kurt … the little things he _would_ say if he hadn't fucked everything up and Kurt was still with him.

When he'd finished he'd stuffed them into pockets, hiding them in the outfits Blaine _knew_ Kurt would wear when the notes were meant to be read. He hid one inside the duffle bag, knowing that once Kurt knew he'd packed it he'd look for the note … whenever Kurt went away somewhere Blaine always put a little note to say 'goodnight' somewhere in the bag.

When he'd finished packing Kurt's bag, he walked out of the room and absentmindedly sat down at the piano and began to play.

_I turn the TV off, to turn it on again_

_Staring at the blades of the fan as it spins around_

_Counting every crack, the clock is wide awake_

_Talking to myself, anything to make a sound_

_I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_

_You can say we're done the way you always do_

_It's easier to lie to me than to yourself_

_Forget about your friends, you know they're gonna say_

_We're bad for each other, but we ain't good for anyone else_

_I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_

_We don't have to miss each other, come over_

_We don't have to fix each other, come over_

_We don't have to say forever, come over_

_You don't have to stay forever, come over_

He missed Kurt. He missed him a lot. He really wished Kurt would just walk through the front door, throw his arms around Blaine and kiss him. Tell him everything was going to be okay, and that he loved him, that he would try to forgive him and that they could patch things up. Blaine knew that could all just be wishful thinking, because he'd been unfaithful, and really, really hurt Kurt. He'd seen it in his eyes when they had the fight - all the pain, the horror, the _disgust_ in his eyes, was niggling at Blaine's conscience.

_I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over._

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over._

Blaine finished the song, tears streaming down his cheeks. He'd really messed up _everything_. Why did he go with Sebastian to the gay bar? Why did he let Sebastian take him back to his place? Why didn't he tell Kurt after it had happened? Why did it continue?

He made himself a smallish lunch … he'd lost his appetite, so he ate two bites of a cheese sandwich and half a banana, poured himself another cup of coffee and went to sit down on the sofa. He tried to write a little of the Lawrence story, but whenever he thought he was on a roll his mind would wander to what Kurt was doing. It was lunch time so he probably was munching on a light salad, sketching a few designs, chewing on his pencil softly. Maybe tapping rhythms on his pad as he thought about what visions he had, the outfit compositions, maybe a few interviews with some designers.

When Blaine had eaten he lay down on the sofa and fell asleep. He was roused by Nick and Jeff knocking at the door.

"Hey buddy" said Nick, smiling apologetically.

"So I guess Kurt told you?"

"Yeah, he did." Jeff cast his eyes downward. "Um - we're here to get some clothes"

"Oh … yeah. It's all packed on our bed"

"Blaine," said Nick. "Kurt loves you, he really does … just give him time. He- he just needs to figure out what to do."

"Okay. Yeah … I know." Blaine said, fighting back the urge to cry.

"Hang in there, man." said Jeff, slinging the bag over his shoulder and walking Blaine over to the couch. "Whatever happens, everything will get better."

"It won't if I'm not with him anymore. I love him. He's the only man I've ever loved …" said Blaine, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

"We know … _he_ knows. Just give him time and space, Blaine. We have to go …"

"Oh, yeah. Kurt will be making you something lovely. He _loves_ cooking dinner" said Blaine, as he bid farewell to his friends.

Blaine was sitting on the sofa but his eyes weren't focused on the television set - they were staring at the picture next it. The picture was of him and Kurt on the happiest day of his life. Kurt was smiling out at him in his cream suit, looking so great; Blaine loved seeing Kurt in that suit. He still remembered the butterflies he felt in his belly when he turned and saw Kurt being walked down the aisle by his father. Blaine beamed as he saw their life together flash before his eyes … children … a nice city apartment. He never thought it would crash around him like this. A loud knock at the door shook him out of his thoughts.

"Sick are you?" snapped Sebastian when Blaine opened the door, shoving past him into the apartment.

"Yes, I am as a matter of fact. I'm sick of you! I'm sick just thinking about what we did - how I broke the heart of the only man I ever truly loved!"

"That's not you said three weeks ago at the bar!"

"You got me fucking _drunk_! I was so goddamn wasted; I didn't even know what I was saying! Just go … leave me alone and never call me again!" yelled Blaine.

"Fine … but you'll be begging for me in a few days - begging for my dick." Sebastian smirked.

"I won't - you weren't even that great! Kurt makes me feel so much better than you ever did."

"When will you quit lying, Blaine? I _know_ I make you feel good, otherwise why would you keep inviting me back?"

"I- uh- um-"

He had a point - why _had_ he continued to sleep with Sebastian? It didn't make him feel good, and Sebastian wasn't even _that_ good looking.

"Just … get. OUT!" Blaine hissed through gritted teeth.

"I'm leaving, you ungrateful little bastard! I was good to you, gave you things he didn't." snapped Sebastian.

"The only thing you were good for was ruining my marriage!" screamed Blaine as Sebastian stormed out, slamming the door as he went.

When Sebastian left Blaine collapsed to his knees and broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. It had been an exhausting day so he decided to shut off the TV and got into some PJs. He glanced at the bed and shook his head - he still couldn't sleep there. He walked to the bathroom, saddened by the lack of Kurt's products in there. He finished cleaning up, walked to the living room and settled down. He looked at the clock, which displayed 21:43. He set his alarm, lay his head on his pillow and sobbed gently into it at the lack of warmth beside him, as well as the pained look he saw on Kurt's face every time he closed his eyes. He fell asleep crying over what he'd lost for a stupid mistake … he just hoped he hadn't lost it for good.


	5. Day 2 (a)

Kurt woke up from a restless night's sleep; he rolled over half expecting to find Blaine next to him. The bed was cold, so he got up took a shower. He dressed himself in his favourite tan corduroys and a plain white shirt. He walked to the kitchen, made a pot of coffee and poured some into a travel mug, grabbing a blueberry bagel from the breadbin as he scooped up his coat and filofax and promptly left the house to catch a cab.

When the cab pulled up outside his office he dug his hands into his pockets to find his wallet and when he pulled it out to pay the cabbie, a small piece of white paper fell to the floor ... Kurt picked it up and left the cab before reading.

_Kurt,_

_Have a good day._

Blaine

Kurt rolled his eyes, that note had just proved his theory that Blaine had hidden a lot more notes like that in his clothes. He entered his building and called the elevator. There was only passenger already in it when it arrived.

"Hey Lotti" said Kurt pulling the familiar girl into a quick hug.

"Hey Kurt!" said Charlotte "Where were you? I missed you yesterday!"

Charlotte was a tall brown-haired girl; she and Kurt were best friends since she'd transferred from British Runway. Kurt and Charlotte had hit it off from the day she started ... they had bumped in to each other in the elevator. She'd complimented him on his recent designs; he'd said how much he loved her article on the Marc Jacobs summer line and that was it, they started talking more, making fun of the people who took the job a little too seriously, laughing at how many times Harriet would say 'and so on' in meetings. They became really close friends. Kurt felt like he could tell her _everything_.

"Oh, um ... can we talk about it in my office? I don't fancy it going around the building."

"Oh - yeah, sure."

"Okay" said Kurt taking a deep breath when they'd entered his office and shut his door. "Well, remember I've told you about Sebastian at Blaine's office?"

"The homophobic dick-sneeze? Yeah." said Charlotte.

"Well, on Tuesday, when we had to work late, I- I can home t-to find Blaine ... um ... fucking him."

"Oh, honey," she said. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm taking some time to think ... I just don't know, Lotti. We were happy - I _thought_ we were."

"Hun, Blaine loves you, I know he does. Just don't be too hasty to end it… I don't think you want to see it end either." said Charlotte.

"I don't want it to end - I love him"

"I know, I'm sure you'll figure out what to do. I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thanks Lotti, you're a great friend. Love you!"

"I know." she said grinning.

"You're still up for coming to my gig tonight aren't you?" asked Kurt.

"Yeah, of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Great - remember 8:00pm, Bar4, Brooklyn. Now I better dash, Harriet wants to see more of my sketches." he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek and leaving his office.

The remainder of the day was a bit of a blur. Meetings, sketching, Blaine, more meetings, a bit more sketching, Blaine. He couldn't stop thinking about Blaine. He missed him ... it was weird not waking up next to him for the second day in a row. His mind kept wandering to their first kiss, their first time, their wedding day, buying their first flat.

It was 7:00pm and Kurt was getting dressed. He slipped on a white shirt and grey waistcoat with a pair of black skinnies and a purple bow tie. He popped in to the bathroom to pick up his compact mirror - he was always keen to make sure he looked perfect when he performed. He promptly left the apartment with Nick and Jeff in tow. They got downstairs and hailed a cab.

"Thanks for coming guys," said Kurt as he dipped his hands in to his waistcoat pocket and found another note.

_Kurt,_

_Break a leg, you'll be amazing._

_Blaine_

Kurt breath hitched, tears springing to his eyes.

"Kurt, are you okay?" asked Jeff, touching his arm.

"Y-yeah," he stuttered.

"You sure? What's wrong?"

"Blaine is too adorable." he sighed.

"What's he done?" Nick asked. Kurt passed him the note.

"Awww, Kurt."

"Yeah, I know it's sweet and cute but it's making it hard to hate him for what he's done … I mean, I should really hate him, but I don't."

"Kurt, he loves you, and you obviously still love him. I don't think you actually want to hate him. You want this to all go away, have your marriage back the way it was."

"I _do_ want to hate him," said Kurt as his heart whispered _you don't, Kurt_ "I do. What he did made me feel terrible ... so cheap and worthless. I _hate_ him. But I can't stop loving him."

"We know, Kurt - we understand …" said Jeff, as they pulled up outside Bar4.

Kurt walked into the bar leaving Nick and Jeff to go get some drinks, and went to find Rachel pacing backstage.

"There you are! I've been worried." she exclaimed.

"Rach, honey - breathe! I'm three minutes late, the set doesn't start 'til eight." Kurt said in a soft voice.

"But I'm having a panic attack and I needed you … what if I open my mouth and no words come out or-or ..."

"Rachel!" Kurt said, firmly grasping his friend's arms and shaking her gently. "You are amazing, everyone here will love you. Come on - let's go get a couple of Bloody Marys to calm our nerves."

The two of them walked towards the bar.

"I thought I recognised that voice," a voice equally familiar to Kurt chimed, but he couldn't quite place it. "Kurt Hummel!"

"I'm sorry," said Kurt, turning in the direction of the guy speaking. "Do I know you?"

"It's me - Jeremiah!" the other guy exclaimed.

"Sorry" said Kurt shaking his head - he really didn't remember this guy at all.

"From the bar on Tuesday?"

"Oh, _you_!" he said narrowing his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing ... I guess I was just going to say hi," Jeremiah smirked, "And if you're interested, my offer still stands ..."

Jeremiah began to run his hand up and down Kurt's left arm.

"I. AM. MARRIED. Stop fucking hitting on me!"

Jeremiah scowled and left.

"Who was that?" asked Rachel, two Bloody Marys in hand.

"Just an asswipe I met in a bar, he spoke to me on Tuesday." said Kurt, taking one of the drinks from Rachel's hand.

"Oh, right… after you and Blaine -?"

"Yeah," he smiled sadly.

"Hey Kurt!" said Charlotte, making her way through the crowd.

"Lotti! Hey, this is my high-school friend Rachel," he said, gesturing and taking a sip of his drink. "Rachel, this is Lotti, my fabulous colleague, and the person who keeps me sane in that mad house we call a workplace."

"Nice to meet you." said Charlotte, opening her arms and giving Rachel a quick hug.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm Bar4 welcome to Miss Rachel Berry and Mister Kurt Hummel!" said a slender blonde from the stage.

"Break a leg, guys" Charlotte grinned, blowing them a kiss before going to find a table near the front.

Kurt pulled out his compact mirror to check he looked alright before going on stage, but when he opened it he didn't see his own reflection - he saw a small piece of white paper.

_Kurt,_

_Don't worry, you look beautiful._

_Blaine._

He forced back the tears that threatened to fall and began to walk up on stage giving a small wave to the crowd.

"Hi everybody, I'm Rachel Berry," she said as Kurt sat down at the piano "To start off this wonderful evening, I'm going to be singing 'Everybody's Changing' by Keane"

Kurt began to play, as he did he scanned the audience, torn between wanting and not wanting to see Blaine there, perhaps seeing his amber eyes locked on him in awe, shining and brimming with adoration, the way they always were when Blaine watched Kurt perform.

"Thank you." said Rachel, taking her bow.

Kurt switched his microphone on and began to play the opening chords to 'Breakeven' by The Script.

"This one is for anyone who has suffered the pain of heartbreak, which I guess is a lot of us." said Kurt with an uneasy chuckle, earning a gentle laugh from the audience.

He sang, the notes soaring flawlessly from his mouth. It suddenly hit him how well all the songs they'd chosen fitted with his situation at the moment. He glanced around the audience and he swore he saw a flash of Blaine's curls at the back of the room. When his song came to a close, Rachel stepped up to the main microphone and began singing David Guetta's 'Without You'. When she'd finished she took her bow, received a loud round of applause and announced a short break.

"Kurt, you are amazing!" Charlotte exclaimed, throwing her arms around Kurt and hugging him.

"Hey, Lotti ... do me a favour - when we go back on, just go see if Blaine is in the back for me. I keep thinking I see him … it's maddening."

"On it." she said, giving a small nod.

"Thanks hun, you're a star." he said.

They called up their friend Brad to play piano on the next duet ... it was much easier to sing when they stood facing each other.

"Hey Everyone, we're back!" this earned them a loud cheer, "We're going to sing a lovely duet now called 'A Little Time' by The Beautiful South." said Rachel, taking the mic from the stand and starting to sing.

_I need a little time  
to think it over  
I need a little space  
just on my own  
I need a little time  
to find my freedom  
I need a little..._

Kurt began to sing, staring out at the audience. He saw Lotti making her way through the crowd to the back, and she stopped and appeared to be talking to someone. Kurt looked to Rachel; he couldn't help imagining that she was Blaine. This song seemed to mirror their situation so perfectly.

**Funny how quick the milk turns sour  
Isn't it, isn't it?  
Your face has been looking like that for hours  
Hasn't it, hasn't it?  
Promises, promises turn to dust  
Wedding bells just turn to rust  
Trust into mistrust**

_I need a little room  
To find myself  
I need a little space  
To work it out  
I need a little room  
All alone  
I need a little..._

**You need a little room for your big head  
Don't you, don't you?  
You need a little space for a thousand beds  
Won't you, won't you?  
Lips that promise - fear the worst  
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst  
Just into unjust**

Kurt turned back to the audience and saw a pair of bright, amber eyes staring at him from the far reaches of the room. He knew those eyes, or felt that he once had - he just couldn't read them anymore not like he used to. They'd changed.

_I've had a little time  
To find the truth  
Now I've had a little room  
To check what's wrong  
I've had a little time  
And I still love you  
I've had a little..._

**You had a little time  
And you had a little fun  
Didn't you, didn't you?  
While you had yours  
Do you think I had none  
Do you, do you?  
The freedom that you wanted bad  
Is yours for good  
I hope you're glad  
Sad into unsad  
I had a little time  
To think it over  
Had a little room  
To work it out  
I found a little courage  
To call it off**

_** I've had a little time  
I've had a little time  
I've had a little time  
I've had a little time**_

They

Kurt ended the song with tears in his eyes, his vision blurred slightly, but not enough to miss a Blaine-shaped figure leave the bar.

"I'm sorry, Ladies and Gentlemen - we have to take another short break. We'll be back with our last song shortly." Kurt choked, dashing from the stage.

He ran into the bathroom only to find Jeremiah kissing his friend Matt. He huffed in disgust, pushed his way into a stall, closed the toilet lid and sat down as he began to sob. He heard some whispering outside the stall.

"Kurt? Hey, are you okay?" asked Jeremiah.

"NO! I'm fucking not, and I swear if you start hitting on me again-"

"Shush Kurt, okay ... I'm not. My guess is your husband turned up, didn't he?"

Kurt was puzzled. How did Jeremiah know that? He slowly opened the stall door, grabbing a handful of tissues and dabbing at the tear tracks on his face.

"How- how?" stuttered Kurt.

"How did I know?" Jeremiah asked, and Kurt nodded. "Well, you seemed pretty happy singing earlier -adding more stuff on to the never-ending list of your talents - and suddenly you're dashing in here crying … "

"Yeah, he showed. I didn't think he would and he did and he was there when I was singing _that_ song and I just-" Tears sprang into his eyes again. "I just can't look at him right now, not without wanting to cry or throw things"

"I understand. You know, if I were him," Jeremiah said softly, brushing some hair off Kurt's face. "I wouldn't miss a chance to hear you sing … you sound amazing, Kurt."

Kurt blushed ferociously.

"Thanks, but I thought you weren't going to hit on me." Kurt said jokily.

"Hey! I was paying you a compliment." said Jeremiah, sounding offended.

Kurt smiled.

"Now how about you get your butt out there and finish that set? Come on, Matt and I will come and watch." said Jeremiah, pulling the other guy away from the sinks.

"Thank you ... you really don't have to, though."

"Ah, but I want to Mister Hummel." said Jeremiah. Kurt looked a little stunned. "Hey, don't look so shocked, I am a nice guy ... when I'm not hitting on married men."

Kurt laughed slightly and the three of them walked out of the toilets and towards a distressed-looking Rachel.

"Kurt, give me your arm." she demanded.

"Rach its fine, I didn't do anything. I wasn't even considering it … just relax okay? I saw Blaine at the back, he was staring at me for the whole song … it was all too much. I'm sorry - I'm ready to go back on now."

"Okay ... sorry. I just don't ever want you to do that to yourself again, okay?"

"Fine. I'm going to go finish our set so I can go home and sleep!" said Kurt, skipping back onto the stage. "Hello ladies and gentlemen. We've come to our last song of the evening …" The crowd sighed with disappointment "I'm going to sing The Beatles' 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand'.'

Kurt began to sing, and as he did, his mind flew back to when he'd first taken Blaine to visit his mom's grave.

_It had been a bitterly cold February morning, Kurt and Blaine were dressed smartly (Kurt wanted Blaine to look good the first time he 'met' his mom). They wove in and out of the various headstones until they stopped in front of a large marble one with gold leaf lettering, which read:_

__

_** Elizabeth Katherine Hummel  
1971-1999**_

_**A Dear Wife, Mother, Sister and Daughter **_

"_Hey, Mom?" said Kurt, kneeling down "I have someone I'd like you to meet - this is Blaine Anderson. He's my boyfriend!"_

_Kurt turned his head upwards and beamed at Blaine._

"_H-hello, Mrs. Hummel" said Blaine nervously. "N-nice to m-meet you."_

"_She really likes you Blaine ... I've told her many a good thing."_

"_Oh?"_

"_Yeah of course, there's nothing bad to say!" said Kurt, nudging his boyfriend._

"_Well, I have something to say to her."_

"_Go ahead."_

"_Mrs. Hummel, your son is amazing and handsome and adorable, and between you and me ..." he said, lowering his voice and cupping his hand to his mouth, "I think I'm falling in love with him."_

_Kurt all but leapt on his boyfriend and pressed his lips to Blaine's in a clumsy, needy kiss. Teeth clashed, lips snagged ... when they finally realised air was a necessity and parted, Kurt breathed "I'm falling in love with you too!"_

Kurt finished the song, tears pooling in his eyes.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen, we've been great … GOOD NIGHT!" said Kurt giving the crowd a wink.

This was met with a loud cheer. Kurt climbed off the stage where he was enveloped by six bodies - Jeff, Jeremiah, Lotti, Matt, Nick and Rachel.

"That was amazing, Kurt!" exclaimed Jeremiah.

"Beautiful." said Lotti.

"Stunning." chimed Jeff

"Breath-taking." said Rachel.

"Brilliant" said Matt.

"Dang, I'm out of adjectives!" said Nick. The others laughed.

"Thanks guys," said Kurt smiling weakly "I'd best be going."

"Hey Kurt, before you do ... um ... here's my number, give me a call." said Jeremiah awkwardly, "Um - as a divorced man, one who went through something similar, I could be a good person to sit and listen … also, if you don't work things ou-"

"You said you'd stop that," said Kurt sternly. "But thanks."

Jeremiah and Matt turned and left.

"Come on Kurt, let's get you home" said Nick.

"Bye, Lotti. See you at work tomorrow." Kurt said, embracing his friend.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow" she smiled affectionately.

"Bye Rach, love you!"

"Love you too!" Rachel beamed.

The ride home was quiet. When they arrived, Kurt went straight to his room and began to undress slowly. His mind kept flickering to Blaine and those stunning amber eyes. He felt his cock growing hard in his pants, pressing against the soft cotton of his briefs. He quickly removed them, wrapped himself in a towel and walked to the bathroom.

He jumped in the lukewarm shower and fisted his thick cock. God, he missed Blaine's hand - it felt so much better than his own. He moved his own hand along his dick, soft, elicit moans tumbling over his lips and off his tongue. He closed his eyes and saw Blaine's staring back at him, piecing his soul, causing the fire to flare up in his belly. He knew he wouldn't last much longer - it had been a few weeks for him and Blaine and he could see why now… Blaine had already gotten his fill and didn't need any from Kurt. He was shaken from those thoughts when he felt the hot sticky liquid spurting out over his hand; he stroked himself as he rode his orgasm.

Clean and sated Kurt got into bed, saddened by the lack of Blaine next to him … he was beginning to realise just how much he missed having him there.


	6. Day 2 (b)

Blaine's alarm buzzed, shaking him from the dream he was having - Kurt was stood in their kitchen making pancakes, but whenever Blaine went to touch or hug him his arm would fall straight through thin air. He rolled off the couch and shuffled sleepily to the kitchen, switched on the coffee machine and went to take a shower.

He slipped on a pale blue shirt, dark black suit pants and tied a slim black tie around his neck. He grabbed a travel mug of coffee, picked up the Lawrence article and a new piece he'd be working on and left for work. He hailed a cab, climbed in and told the cabbie where to go. Just then Defying Gravity began to chime - Rachel was calling him.

"Hello Rachel" said Blaine, happy to be talking to her but scared because he knew that she was probably going to yell at him; Kurt was bound to have told her about him and Sebastian.

"What the hell, Blaine!? Why would you cheat on Kurt like that?" Rachel screamed down the phone all in one breath. Blaine had to hold the phone away from his ear, she was shouting so loud.

"Yeah, um ... I don't know." he muttered.

"But, you guys seemed so happy …" said Rachel, more softly than before.

"I know ... we were, but Sebastian, he - I just ... I don't know." said Blaine, tears starting to fall down his face.

"I just want to know why? I mean you guys are great together, like the ideal couple."

"Y-yeah I kn-know Rach, I wish none of it had happened. I miss him ... I love him." Blaine said, his vision so clouded with tears that he didn't see the dirty look the cabbie aimed at him in the mirror when he said it.

"He misses you ... that note didn't help though, Blaine."

"Oh he- he told you about that? Um well, I always do it when he's away ... "

"Yeah, I know but he needs space ... okay, Blaine?"

"Yeah, I guess. Oh, I'm at work now – I have to go. Bye Rach!"

"Bye Blaine."

Blaine paid the cabbie, who threw him another dirty look before handing him his change. Blaine climbed out of the cab and entered his building; he did his best to dry his tears, but he knew if Kelsey saw him she'd know right away that he was upset. He had to try and make it in to the office and to his cubicle before Kelsey, or worse – Sebastian - saw him. The elevator pinged, signifying his floor. He climbed out and found Kelsey at the receptionist's desk talking to Darren the mail man. She took one look at Blaine and knew something was up.

Kelsey was a smallish woman with dark brown hair in loose curls. She and Blaine had met on his first day at the New Yorker … Blaine had gotten a little lost, and walked head first into her. After some profuse apologies, they grabbed a coffee, and Kelsey quickly decided to take Blaine under her wing and show him the ropes. They soon became best friends - Kelsey was the one person at work Blaine told everything too, he could never hide _anything_ from her - she knew him too well.

"Sorry Dare, gotta go!" she said, walking quickly towards Blaine.

"No, Kelsey, I need to go -" Blaine began.

"That can wait, you need to talk!" she interrupted.

"But – but, I don't! … Fine." Blaine conceded. He didn't feel like arguing with her, as he knew that she always gave great advice.

They walked to Kelsey's cubicle in silence.

"Right … spill." she demanded.

"Um, well … um, okay so …" Blaine didn't know where to begin, where to start to explain how his whole life had crashed and burned around him.

"Spit it out, Blaine." she said, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around him.

"Well, remember when we had that really tough week when sales were down and they were firing people left, right and centre?" Kelsey nodded "Well, after all of that mess, Seb took me out for drinks at Scandals and he got me very, very drunk and … well … I slept with him. "

"Okay, does Kurt know?" she asked. Blaine nodded. "Oh. What happened?"

"Well, you know how persuasive he is ... and Kurt hadn't been around much." Tears started to roll down Blaine's face, and Kelsey pulled him closer. "and well, I slept with him a few more times and - and on Tuesday Kurt, he - he caught us and he's gone to Nick and Jeff's for a few days and I don't know what going to happen. Sebastian was a colossal mistake and I just …" Blaine dissolved into tears.

"Shhh, Blaine." Kelsey cooed into his curls.

"I'm a terrible, terrible person ... I don't even know why I did it ... I love Kurt so, so much and I broke his heart, and - and" he said, his breathing rapid and shallow.

"Blaine, you are not a terrible person - a stupid one, but not terrible."

"But Kelsey, I am - I really, really _am_!"

"NO! Blaine, you were stupid, misguided, and a bit naïve - you probably _shouldn't_ have gone for drinks with him, and you most definitely shouldn't have _slept_ with him , but what's done is done. I know how much Kurt means to you, and I also know how much _you_ mean to him ... he won't let go of you easily - he'll try to fight. But he'll also want to know why."

"I know he will, and I have no answer to that question ... I don't even _know_ why it happened. I guess I was lonely, and I was drunk, and … I just don't know." He hung his head.

"Blaine, it's okay … I'm not asking. "

"But _I'm_ gonna need an answer."

"Well, I can't help much there."

"I know … but thanks anyway, Kel - I needed this talk. I have to go take my work to Jordan now."

"No, you go get us a cab - you're having an early lunch with me and we're taking the day off. I'll take these to Jordan." said Kelsey, pulling the files away from Blaine.

"Okay," Blaine said, watching her leave the cubicle. And then he realised something.

"No, wait … Kelsey!" he called, but it was too late. She had already rounded the corner to Jordan's office.

Blaine had been working on an article about marriage ... the pitfalls, the joys, and the heartaches. It was more specifically about when a marriage broke down. The article was more for Blaine himself than for publication, but he just hoped Jordan didn't think too much of it. Maybe he wouldn't even read it. Blaine shrugged and chose to hail that cab and wait for Kelsey.

**Meanwhile**

Kelsey walked to Jordan's office carrying Blaine's latest article, when she bumped into Sebastian.

"Hey - I want to talk to you," she snapped.

"Yeah?" he said turning, "Oh, it's you … what do you want?" His mouth turned into a sneer.

"What are you doing fucking with Blaine's marriage? Huh?! They were happy, why the hell did you take him drinking?"

"It had been a tough week, he's hot, and I was horny so I took my opportunity" he said, an air of satisfaction in his voice.

"It wasn't yours to take! He's not yours - he's married. He was happy."

"Just keep your fucking nose out, Kelsey. It's none of your business."

"It became my business when you fucked my best friend!" her fist clenched at her side, but her better nature forced her to compose herself.

"Fuck off" said Sebastian walking away.

Kelsey seethed quietly to herself. She took Blaine's papers to Jordan and left to her friend.

"Okay," Blaine said when Kelsey entered the cab, "I wanna - I wanna to set up ground rules."

Blaine didn't want to have to talk about anything to do with him and Kurt, or him and Sebastian, for the rest of the day. If they did, Blaine would end up sobbing, in a public place causing a scene.

"Okay, so what are these rules?" she said with a smile.

"We are not to talk about my marriage, or probably soon to be lack thereof," he said. "We are not to talk about Sebastian, and you are to keep me away from Kurt's gig tonight ... 'cos he won't want me there."

"Okay, done!"

The rest of the taxi ride was quiet, as both Kelsey and Blaine were lost in thought. Blaine was still struggling with what he was going to tell Kurt when he returned, why he did what he did. Kelsey was thinking about how to make her best friend happy again and get his mind off his home life for a little while … oh, and about Darren the mailman. They arrived at their favourite sushi bar, grabbed a table and ordered.

"Sooooooo," said Blaine, breaking the silence "How's it going with you and Darren?"

"We're friends who talk." Kelsey said trying, and failing, to hide her blush.

"You like him and he's totally into you." smiled Blaine.

"Oh shush, Darren would never be interested in me."

"He _is_, Kelsey honey, believe me ... He's been pestering me for your number."

"He what?!"

"Yeah, yeah … he keeps asking me for it." said Blaine in a soft, teasing tone, "You want me to give it to him?"

"Yes!" she said a bit too eagerly. "Um … yes, please."

"Okay, I'll text him now." Blaine said, a sly smile on his face. He tapped a quick message to Darren.

"Wait! Let me see that text!"

**Hey Dare, here's Kelsey's number (315)118-2011. she'd love for you to give her a call ... please dear god ask her out - your dancing around each other is getting slightly annoying.**

"Hey," said Kelsey, "Take out that last part!" she shoved Blaine playfully.

"Nope - you both need to know how nuts this is making me. One of you just needs to ask the other out before I totally lose it."

"Please?" she begged, wearing her best puppy-dog face.

"Fine." Blaine sighed, deleting the last line and typing some more. "Here."

**Hey Dare! Here's Kelsey's number (315)118-2011, we'd both love it if you called her and asked her out! **

"Better," she said, and Blaine hit 'send'.

They were in yet another cab heading back to Blaine and Kurt's apartment when Darren texted Kelsey.

**Hey Kelsey, its Darren. I hope you don't mind … Blaine gave me your number ;) x**

"Oh my god, he texted me ... with a kiss and a winky face" Kelsey squealed, earning an odd look from the cabbie.

"Well, text him back then."

"Okay, okay!"

**Hey Darren, I don't mind ;). How are you? x**

A reply came in seconds.

**I'm good thanks. Hey, are you free tonight? Blaine's husband is doing a gig with Rachel Berry at Bar4. Would you like to go with me? x**

"Blaine, he's asking me to Kurt's gig ... what do I say?"

"Say yes, you dummy! "

**Yeah, I'm free - sounds fun! Can't wait xx**

**Great! See you there xx**

"Okay, I need to go get ready. But wait, are you gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine, Kelsey honey. God, chill … you've got another seven hours before the gig even starts."

"But it's a date with _Darren_, the super cute mail man." she swooned.

They pulled up outside Blaine's apartment Block and Blaine climbed out.

"You coming, honey?" he asked.

"Nah, I should go plan my outfit. Just don't do anything stupid or go to that gig ... I'll be there, you know - so I'll know if you turn up!"

"I doubt you will … you'll be too busy making out with Darren." Blaine winked and closed the cab door.

He sat in the empty apartment; it seemed so quiet without Kurt there. He put his iPhone on shuffle to ease the eerie silence, but it didn't lighten the mood. The first song that played was 'The Fear You Fall' by Joshua Radin. This just took Blaine back to the day before he went to visit Kurt's mom's grave.

He'd sung this to Kurt, in his mind; he wanted to tell Kurt he loved him. His head told him it was too soon, but he'd fallen - he'd been falling for a while ... ever since he met the boy on that Dalton staircase. That's when it all began … he didn't know it but he had, he'd started to truly love this perfect boy whom he was dating. He just hoped Kurt had fallen too. The next day at his mom's grave he told him ... confessed his love to anyone that would listen, in fact. And Kurt had given him the response he was hoping for in return.

Suddenly his cell-phone rang. It was Jordan - what did he want?

"Uh, hello Jordan?" said Blaine curiously.

"Yes, Blaine. This article Kelsey has given me today is amazing!"

"Well … thank you - the Lawrence story was not one I took lightly." he said, swelling at the praise.

"No, no ... the Lawrence story is great but I was talking about 'When a Marriage Breaks'. It's really good Blaine, could we run it? I think it would definitely catch readers' eyes ... they want to read this stuff!"

"No, please don't! Kurt can't know that I've written it … it was never meant to be handed in, it was just for me." Blaine pleaded.

"But Blaine, this could mean big things. How did you write it so well?"

'_Experience'_ Blaine thought to himself.

"I don't care, you can't run it. It doesn't matter how!" Blaine yelled, instantly regretting that and adding in a quieter voice, "Please, you can't run it ... at least, not yet."

"Okay fine - it won't run this week's paper." Jordan huffed.

"Thank you. I-I still need to work on it a little." Blaine lied; it was finished ... unless he and Kurt fixed things.

"Okay … well, see you tomorrow Blaine."

"Bye Jordan."

Blaine hung up the phone, silently cursing. That article could never run ... he knew that Kurt wouldn't want that going around. He'd never meant for anyone besides himself to see it ...

It was nearing 7:30pm and Blaine was pacing his apartment, trying to find any distraction to prevent him from going to Kurt's gig, but to no avail. At 7:45pm he was out the door, and hailing a cab. He'd changed into his black skinny jeans and a grey sweater. He arrived at Bar4 just as Kurt was singing his first solo of the set - 'Breakeven' by The Script.

He stood and watched, shifting slightly to get a better view. He saw Kurt was scanning the audience and he knew he was looking for him; he looked straight at Blaine for a moment, a confused look on his beautiful face. It was clear to Blaine that Kurt was trying to decide if indeed it was Blaine he saw, and if he actually wanted him there.

Whist Rachel was singing David Guetta's 'Without You', Blaine went to go get a beer. When he returned to his table he found Lotti looking for him. By this time the guys had taken a break and re-started the set, and Rachel was singing the opening verse to 'A Little Time' by The Beautiful South. He listened to the familiar lyrics with one ear as Lotti began to speak.

"Blaine! So you _are_ here." She said.

"Yeah, I … um … couldn't stay away. You know I'd never miss hearing him sing."

"I know, Blaine." she said smiling. Kurt began to sing and they both fell silent and watched.

Blaine angled his body again to face the stage; Kurt looked straight at him, staring into his eyes and making him feel every word he was singing. Each one dug at him more than the last - he'd betrayed Kurt's trust. He felt Kurt's pain in every note, every syllable - he _was_ a horrible, horrible man, despite what Kelsey had told him. He'd broken the man he loved.

Tears started to roll down his cheeks; he saw Kurt's eyes were sparkling with them too.

"I shouldn't have come. I should go …" Blaine choked, as he left. He turned back just in time to see Kurt fleeing from the stage.

Walking outside, Blaine found Darren and Kelsey, Darren's arm wrapped around Kelsey's shoulder.

"HEY! What are you doing here?" Kelsey snapped.

"I-I couldn't stay away ... I've missed him so much, I just needed to see him." Blaine admitted quietly.

"Come on, I'll take you home Blaine." said Kelsey.

"No, no - finish your date guys, I'll be fine ..."

"You sure, Blaine?"

"Yes! Enjoy your date, I'll see you tomorrow. And you'll tell me everything." he said, winking at them. They looked happy together, like he and Kurt had before ... everything.

Blaine sat at home on the couch, his head in his hands. He missed his husband; when he usually felt this bad about himself, Kurt would fix him a lovely mug of the best hot chocolate, with all the trimmings - whipped cream, marshmallows, chocolate flakes. Then they would snuggle on the couch with a big fluffy blanket and watch 'When Harry Met Sally', and Kurt would stroke Blaine's curls and press kisses to his cheek and whisper in his ear, telling him he loved him, that he was amazing. But Kurt wasn't there, he wasn't going to tell him he loved him, or that he was a nice person … because he didn't, and he wasn't - not any more.

Blaine stood up and shuffled to the kitchen, switching on the kettle in a feeble attempt to make the amazing drink that Kurt always did. It was too watery and the cream wasn't whipped enough, and the marshmallows wouldn't melt - it was nowhere near as good as when Kurt made it. Blaine drank it regardless, desperate for any kind of pick-me-up. He went to sit down on the piano bench and started to play 'Boys Don't Cry' by The Cure.

_I would say I'm sorry_

_If I thought that it would change your mind_

_But I know that this time_

_I've said too much_

_Been too unkind_

_I try to laugh about it_

_Cover it all up with lies_

_I try and_

_Laugh about it_

_Hiding the tears in my eyes_

_'cause boys don't cry_

_Boys don't cry_

Blaine loved this song. The Cure was the first CD Blaine had ever bought and the first concert he ever went to. The first time Kurt had taken him out after he'd turned 21, this was the first song they'd danced to ... the tribute band that was playing wasn't as good as the real thing but it was close enough.

_I would break down at your feet_

_And beg forgiveness_

_Plead with you_

_But I know that_

_It's too late_

_And now there's nothing I can do_

_So I try to laugh about it_

_Cover it all up with lies_

_I try to_

_laugh about it_

_Hiding the tears in my eyes_

_'cause boys don't cry_

_I would tell you_

_That I loved you_

_If I thought that you would stay_

_But I know that it's no use_

_That you've already_

_Gone away_

_Misjudged your limits_

_Pushed you too far_

_Took you for granted_

_I thought that you needed me more_

_Now I would do most anything_

_To get you back by my side_

_But I just_

_Keep on laughing_

_Hiding the tears in my eyes_

_'cause boys don't cry_

_Boys don't cry_

_Boys don't cry _

Ironically, tears rolled down his cheeks, dripping down on to the ivory keys. It hit him just how much he missed Kurt, how much he'd hurt him ... he'd finally accepted that Kurt might never take him back, that he might lose the one person he loved - his closest and best friend ... the only guy he loved more than anyone in the world. But he wouldn't let that happen ... not if he could help it.


	7. Day 3 (a)

_Kurt was on all fours, Blaine behind him, his hands placed firmly on Kurt's hips, fingertips pressed hard on Kurt's hip bone, slight bruises starting to form. Blaine's thrusts were sharp and precise, hitting Kurt's prostate each time._

"_Oh fuck, Blaine - harder," he panted. "I want to feel you for weeks … I don't want to be able to walk tomorrow."_

"_You're so tight, so fucking tight … you feel so good" said Blaine, Kurt clenched around his dick. "Ah-ah-ah!"_

_They were both dangerously close to the edge, their hot, damp bodies writhing together, the air smelling of sweat and sex. Kurt had missed that familiar scent, the smell that was him and Blaine together, moving in harmony, being as one … feeling, touching each other, the way only a husband should._

"_T-t-touch me Blaine, I'm so close … so, so close." Kurt breathed; his body pulsating with pleasure as Blaine continued to hit his prostate. His arms and legs shook beneath him, threatening to collapse._

_Blaine reached down and roughly fisted Kurt's thick cock. He began slowly moving his hand, creating as little friction as possible ... he was driving Kurt insane. Kurt felt the familiar fiery coiling in his abdomen; his eyes filled with stars as he came over his stomach, Blaine's hand and the sheets. His whole body shook violently, and soon after he felt Blaine cuming hard and fast inside of him._

"_Sebastian!" Blaine moaned, as he and Kurt collapsed and rode through their orgasms. _

Kurt woke with a start. He was sticky and covered in a cold sweat ... it took a moment for him to realise what must have happened. He walked sadly to the shower to rinse himself off, and glanced at the clock when he returned … 05:45am. He picked up his cell and called Lotti.

"Hello?" she said sleepily.

"Um … hi," he started "D'you think we could maybe meet for coffee in say an hour or so?"

"Yeah ... um, sure. Coffee Rev?"

"Yeah, meet you there. See ya."

"Uh, Kurt - wait! What are you doing up so early?"

"Bad dream …"he said simply, "I'll explain at the coffee shop."

"OK. Bye, Kurt."

Kurt hung up the phone, and went to get dressed; he slid into a pair of navy skinny jeans, a white shirt and wound a light blue scarf around his neck. He dug his hand in to his pockets, knowing there must be a note in there.

_Kurt,_

_I miss you._

_Good luck in your meeting today._

_Blaine_

Kurt collapsed on to the bed, tears cascading down his cheeks, he missed Blaine too and he couldn't deny it. He'd tried to tell himself he didn't need Blaine and that Blaine meant nothing to him anymore after what he did, but he couldn't because it just wasn't true - he was still Kurt's whole life, and Kurt felt lost without him. Blaine had been through everything with him … He'd arrived in Kurt's life when he needed someone the most, and then he'd stayed with Kurt, fought the bullies back in Ohio, stood by Kurt's side and never left.

He picked up his coat and his filofax and portfolio of the new designs he was going to share in the big designer/editorial meeting, and scribbled a quick note to Nick and Jeff.

_Hey Guys, _

_I'm off early. Catching up with Lotti for a coffee and prep for the meeting._

_See you later._

Kurt  
x

He left the apartment, hailed a cab and headed to Coffee Revolution. He needed to talk to Lotti ... he needed to know if Blaine was there, and if he was, how was he doing. He needed to tell her about his dream and just to talk to someone - _anyone_ - about maybe going to talk to Blaine tonight. The cab stopped, Kurt paid the driver and climbed out and entered the coffee shop, giving the room a quick scan. Lotti wasn't there yet but he queued up and ordered a grande non-fat mocha for himself, a grande skinny latte for Lotti, and two blueberry muffins. He went to their favourite booth and sat down.

"Hey, mind if I join you?" a familiar voiced asked.

"Oh - hey, Jeremiah. Well, um ... I'm meeting Lotti in a minute."

"Well, I have to leave for work soon …" Jeremiah said reluctantly.

"Oh? What is it you do?"

"I manage the Gap on 34th Street."

"Oooh, very nice." Kurt smiled.

"Hey," he said "I'm having a party next Friday if you wanna come? You can bring your husband if things are better ..."

"Okay, maybe I'll give it a visit. Where's it at?"

"My place." Jeremiah said, straightening out a napkin and scribbling an address down. "Here, feel free to drop by whenever if you want to talk and stuff. Anyway … looks like Lotti is here, and I'll have some very cold staff waiting for me outside the store. See you around, Kurt."

Jeremiah patted Kurt's shoulder and left. Lotti walked over and sat opposite Kurt - he pushed a muffin and her skinny latte across the table.

"Okay, so what happened?"

Kurt took a deep breath.

"Well I ...um, had a dream and me and Blaine, we were … you know," Lotti nodded "But when he ... _you know_," Kurt said, blushing at the conversation he was having in such an open setting "He yelled Sebastian's name ... and then I woke up. I need to know, Lotti - was Blaine there last night?"

"Yes," said Lotti sadly, looking up at Kurt and gauging his reaction.

"Oh. And how - how was he?" Kurt stuttered.

"He's been better. He looked so tired, sad … a lot like you do, if you don't mind me saying, hun."

"Oh?" said Kurt.

"Yeah, you both look exhausted. He misses you … I can tell. And you miss him, don't you?"

"I - um, yeah. I do, so much. He's my everything - he was ... I-I'm thinking of going back to talk to him tonight … I need to see him properly, but more than his eyes, I need _him_."

"Oh Kurt, are you sure you're ready?"

"Yeah, I think so … I want to. I miss him so much it hurts … and I feel like I shouldn't, but I do." Kurt admitted.

"Okay," she said taking a sip of her latte. "Are you going to go?"

"I - I don't - I don't know … part of me wants to, part of me wants to make him suffer more and part of me wants nothing more to do with him. I just don't know when it comes to him anymore ... I used to, but right now I really don't."

The two of them sat in silence, drinking their coffees and eating their muffins. Kurt was sat in thought about what he'd say to Blaine when he saw him … and then, out of the blue, _he_ turned up. He was tall with brown hair with golden tinges; he had a huge toothy grin that just made Kurt want to punch him.

"Hey, Lotti," Kurt whispered, "That's him - that's Sebastian!" He pointed his head towards the tall man at the counter.

"That? Blaine cheated on you with _that_?!"

"Yeah, I know. I wish there was something I could do … all I can think about when I see him or hear his name is punching that smug meerkat face of his …" Kurt hissed through gritted teeth.

Sebastian turned around. He stared at Kurt, smirking his smug smile with laughter dancing in his eyes. Obviously happy with what he'd done to Kurt, looking at him, he would have seen the sunken eyes, the dark circles, and the pale skin-tone. If he'd _known_ him, he'd have seen the obvious weight loss, the sadness in his eyes, his broken heart, the crushed soul … all of his pain.

"I have an idea!" said Lotti, as Sebastian left the coffee shop.

They began plotting, creating the perfect lies to get the information they needed. They made a few phone calls and everything was set.

"Okay, so you'll sort out getting Seb there and I'll tell Harriet you're off sick. We'll reconvene at 16:00 - here's hoping he falls for the trap!" said Kurt with a wink.

They left the coffee shop, hailed cabs and set off; today was going to be a lot of fun.

Kurt got to the meeting; his mind wasn't really on what he was saying, as he was too busy wondering how Lotti was getting on. He'd gone over his designs a million and one times, explaining in great detail each aspect of the items - he'd presented this to Blaine so many times before that he was sure he could recite the speech in his sleep. There were very few questions, for which Kurt was very grateful. His phone buzzed just as he packed up his things.

**He took the bait, now let's see if he falls for the trap xx**

**Good work, Lotti ;) xx**

Kurt smiled to himself, thinking of exactly what he'd say to Sebastian - what he'd do to him to make him know how much he and Blaine had hurt him with what they had done. How broken he was ... that boy needed to learn about consequences.

"Kurt," said Harriet, pulling Kurt from his thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Kurt lied. He'd rather his boss didn't know too much about his personal life.

"Kurt?" she said in a soft, reprimanding tone, "You're not, are you? You look permanently tired and pale, you've lost weight, you just don't seem as happy anymore. What's going on?"

"Okay, no I'm not." said Kurt, knowing that she wasn't about to give up. "It's me and Blaine" he sighed "He - he cheated on me …"

"Oh Kurt, I'm -"

"Don't, please. I'm just figuring out what I want to do, I keep going over things in my head … my head is telling me to leave him, as he broke my heart once, and he'll do it again, but my heart ... even though he broke it, it still yearns for him. I love him and I can't stop … he means everything to me. He was there for me when no-one else really was and he was there in a way no-one else could be."

"Well, its seems obvious to me which one you should follow, but it's your choice. Follow your head or your heart. They both require a lot of work, but which one is worth the effort?" And with that she got up to leave.

"Thanks Harriet," he said, causing her to pause at the door. "Might I be able to have the day off? I'm just -"

"Yes Kurt, you go sort things out. I'm sure you'll make the right choice" she said with a smile.

The cab pulled up outside the hotel. His phone buzzed, it was a text from Lotti.

**He believed it - he's coming ... I'll be there shortly. Meet you at the bar? xx**

**Dear god yes, we're gonna need it! ;) xx**

Kurt entered the hotel and went to pick up the room key.

"Hey," said Lotti.

"Hey, here you go." he said, handing her a glass of wine. "So he really fell for it? He thinks your number is Blaine, so he can't be caught by me?"

Lotti nodded and glanced at the clock "We should be going - he'll be here in ten minutes. What room are we in? I told him I'd let him know."

"214." said Kurt as they walked towards the elevator.

**Come to 214, hot stuff! I have everything we need for a good time ;) - Blaine xx**

Sebastian texted back almost instantly.

**God, I love you … I knew you'd want me back ;) I'll be there in 5 xx**

**Love you too babe -Blaine xx**

Lotti and Kurt enter the hotel room; they set up some candles to set the scene and then waited. Soon there came a knock at the door.

"Blainey baby, you in there?" they heard Sebastian coo from outside.

"Come in - its unlocked." Kurt called, trying to make himself sound like Blaine.

"Okay, so where do you want me - hey!"

"Problem?" said Lotti, looking all innocent.

"Where's Blaine, he told me to meet him here?"

"Oh, naïve and a bastard … you've got the whole package." said Kurt, "What do you think you're doing messing with my marriage? Just - why?!"

Kurt stalked across the room towards him. Sebastian stood in the hotel room looking exactly the same as he had that morning - big toothy grin, golden tinged hair - the only difference was that now he had a big, black eye.

"Hey, he wanted it just as much as I did!"

"That may be, but I'm dealing with him … but _you_ - you are the cause!" Kurt snapped, fists clenching at his sides. "You have no idea what you've done to me! The pain and the heartache - you stand there smiling, because everything is right in your world. You got to have sex and no consequences, but it looks like someone's already shown you some."

"Oh, yeah ... one of my work colleagues …" said Sebastian, rubbing his cheek below the bruise and smirking slyly. "I was telling everyone how I rode your beautiful husband, how he rode me … the filthy sounds he made. I made him scream like a slut."

Sebastian watched as Kurt's faced twitch. Kurt was livid. Sebastian was an ass. Every inch of him screamed for him to punch that smug, superior look off his face.

"Well, I think we should even that out, shouldn't we." said Kurt, drawing back his fist; it whistled through the air and collided with Sebastian's face. He pulled it back and threw it another punch into his stomach, watching the tall man double over in pain. Kurt repeatedly punched him before sobbing and collapsing to his knees. This wasn't him - he never resorted to violence.

"Give up, Hummel?" mocked Sebastian in a winded voice.

"I will never give up. People might say I'm stupid, but I love him, and nothing will stop that … I need to go!" said Kurt, tears starting to cascade down his face.

Lotti walked towards Sebastian.

"You'd best not fuck my best friend's husband again!" she hissed "Or you'll get much worse than this." She brought her knee up quickly and sharply, watching Sebastian wince as it collided with his groin.

She ran after Kurt, knowing he'd want to talk it out. She ran down the stairs, finding Kurt drinking in the bar - already downing a second Bloody Mary.

"Kurt, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not! I don't know what to do." Kurt whined. "I love Blaine; I want to try to forgive him. But I don't know if I can trust him anymore."

Kurt had been thinking about this all day, considering all his options. he needed to talk to someone. He loved Lotti but he needed to talk about this with someone else ... Jeremiah Blaine … someone.

"I should go," said Kurt quickly. "I'll see you Monday!"

"Yeah - see you Monday. Have a good weekend Kurt. Love you"

"Love you too" he waved goodbye to Lotti and left.

Kurt climbed in to the cab satisfied with the decision he'd made. He rattled off the address, which sounded so strange to his ears. The cab pulled up outside the building and he slowly climbed the stairs, unsure of quite what would happen when he reached the top. He walked along a blue corridor until he arrived at the door - the door that was the only thing standing between him and the life he wanted. He took a deep breath, stole himself and knocked on the door.


	8. Day 3 (b)

Blaine woke up from another restless night's sleep. Tonight he'd dreamt that Kurt had left him and he was happy with that tall blonde guy he'd seen him with at the bar last night ... he'd forgotten Blaine completely. Blaine didn't like the idea of life without Kurt - his life before Kurt was unbearable.

Blaine got up, took a quick shower and got dressed. He slid into a pair of skin tight black jeans, a white shirt and the bow-tie Kurt bought him for his 18th birthday. He'd forgotten about it for a few years, but he'd loved that bow-tie; it was black with little white stars on it. Blaine remembered when Kurt had given it to him. Kurt was always good at romance …

_It was a sunny August day, the day before his birthday. Kurt had taken him for this big romantic picnic in the park and he'd cooked all Blaine's favourites; Kurt's speciality tomato couscous and sweet potato wedges ... he'd even made Blaine's favourite strawberry chocolate candies. It was so lovely, and then Kurt had pulled out two boxes - a large, black one and a small, blue one. He handed Blaine the larger one, and Blaine opened it to find the bow-tie, giving his wonderful boyfriend a huge hug. Blaine loved his bow-ties._

"_But what's in that one?" Blaine asked, pointing to the small blue box sat beside his boyfriend._

_Kurt wrestled free of Blaine embrace and pulled himself and Blaine to their feet. He knelt down on the floor and opened the box._

"_it's a promise ring," said Kurt, as Blaine gazed at the beautiful yet simple silver band._

"_What are you promising?" he asked._

"_To always love you. To defend you even if I know you're wrong. To surprise you. To always pick up your call no matter what I'm doing. To bake you cookies at least twice a year and to kiss you wherever and whenever you want. Mostly to make sure that you always remember how perfectly imperfect you are. I love you so much, Blaine" Kurt smiled. _

_Both boys were misty eyed as Blaine held out his hand and choked out 'I love you too, Kurt'. Kurt slid the ring onto Blaine's finger and they smiled at each other, hoping that in a few years they would be standing in front of their friends, saying vows and starting their life together … as a married couple._

But Blaine had messed the marriage up - he'd broken the vows they'd made. Kurt had never broken his vows or the promises to Blaine ... he always surprised Blaine at work or with flowers, he always took Blaine's calls and always baked him cookies - he did it all. All Blaine had done was drunkenly jump on the nearest guy when things had gotten a little quiet in the bedroom … if Kurt had taken him out that night, he would have had more fun.

With that memory still fresh in his mind, tears threatening to fall, he picked up his wallet and coat and left to meet Kelsey at Choco Latte. She needed to tell him _everything_ about her date with Darren, something to take Blaine's mind off his broken marriage and his heartache.

Kelsey was sat at their usual coffee table. She saw Blaine enter and walked over to give him a big hug. They settled at their table and the friendly red-headed barista brought over their coffees - a medium drip for Blaine and a cookie crumble mocha for Kelsey.

"Um, excuse me … for a change, might I be able to have a grande non-fat mocha please?" Blaine asked. Kelsey tossed him a knowing look. "What? I miss him, okay ... he tasted like it when I kissed him."

"Oh, Blainey," she said, stroking his arm.

"Anyway, the rules stand as of yesterday. How was your date with Darren last night?" he asked.

Kelsey smiled. "It was wonderful" she said, "Thank you, Blaine."

"So what happened, did he kiss you? Did you go back to his place? What happened?!" said Blaine enthusiastically.

"Well, after the bar he walked me home, and I was a little chilly so he gave me his coat. He kissed me good night," she said. "... He's asked me out for next Friday, too."

"Awww," sighed Blaine, as the barista appeared with his new drink. "Thanks," he said, smiling at her.

"Hey Blaine, there's something I need to tell you … now, I don't want to upset you or something but last night Dare and I ... we saw Kurt getting another guy's number. It seemed a little more than just a friendly gesture … I don't know, they both looked a bit flirty."

"What?! No! It must have just been friendly. Kurt wouldn't, not while we're still married. Oh god, what if he wants to file for divorce …?!" Tears sprang to his eyes.

"Shh, Blaine," Kelsey cooed, "I just thought you might want to know. Maybe he was taking it out of courtesy, to be nice to the guy. I'm sorry - I shouldn't have said anything."

"Maybe you shouldn't, but you did." Blaine whispered, tears gushing down his face.

"I'm so sorry," She sighed.

Blaine stood up and left, choosing to walk the few blocks to work. As he did so he put on his iPod and Teenage Dream began to play - the first song Kurt heard him sing. His mind wandered back to the day he met Kurt.

_Blaine was rushing down the stairs - he was running late for Warbler rehearsal ... his last Warbler rehearsal. If things went right tonight anyway … it would be his last, and he'd be glad to go. He had nothing ... no-one._

"_Excuse me … um – hi! Can I ask you a question? I'm - I'm new ..." A soft, nervous voice behind him spoke._

_Blaine turned and stared at one of the prettiest creatures he'd ever seen; his eyes were crystal blue, almost like whirlpools, his skin as white as snow, his hair was chestnut with gold where the light hit. He was an angel, surely … no-one could be that beautiful, that perfect … and people like that just didn't talk to people like Blaine - no-one talked to Blaine._

"_My name's Blaine." He replied after a pause, momentarily forgetting his name as he looked into those oh-so-blue eyes._

"_Kurt! Um - so what exactly is going on?" He asked, looking around at the sea of blazers rushing down the stairs, all dashing in the same general direction when they reached the bottom.._

"_The Warblers! Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons. It tends to shut the school for a while." Blaine answered with a small laugh. This boy seemed to lighten the burden on Blaine's heart - he made him want to stick around, and through him Blaine found this odd air of confidence._

"_So wait - the glee club here is kind of cool?" said Kurt disbelievingly. _

"_The Warblers are like rock stars! Come on, I know a short cut …" Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand and dragged him off down a corridor. He felt sparks fly at the other boy's touch - his mind was whizzing, his whole body engulfed with endorphins._

"_Oh, I stick out like a sore thumb!" Kurt exclaimed. Blaine found that adorable ... he hadn't even noticed that Kurt wasn't wearing the correct uniform until just then - he'd been too lost in the other boy's eyes._

"_Well, next time don't forget your jacket, new kid. You'll fit right in!" said Blaine, winking at Kurt. "Now, if you'll excuse me …" He stepped backwards as the Warblers began to harmonize. And then it was Blaine's turn to sing, and it was somehow the best he'd ever done._

_Blaine took Kurt out for a coffee after; they swapped stories and numbers. Blaine figured if Kurt could stay as strong as he appeared after what bullies had done to him, so could he. That Warbler rehearsal wasn't his last, as that night he went to sleep with a new found strength and something worth living for - Kurt._

Blaine got to work and sat in his office, starting work on a new story. His mind was too busy thinking about Kurt to notice a file sat on his desk; the file containing 'When a Marriage Breaks' with a little pink post-it on the front.

_To go out next week_

"Hey, Blaine," Darren chirped as he brought Blaine his mail.

"Hey Dare." Blaine said, faking a smile.

"Blaine - you okay, man …?" Darren asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah ... yes, I'm fine. I'm just really busy, Dare … I kinda need to work." Blaine lied - he had nothing else to do, having finished all the stories he'd been given.

"If you're sure … Kelsey and I am worried about you, you know."

"Well, don't be!" Blaine snapped. "I am _fine_! Just leave me the fuck alone, Dare ..."

"Okay, alright ... I'll go. But If you want to talk, you know where to find me … or Kelsey." The last comment was met with a hard stare from Blaine, and Darren backed out of his office.

Blaine slumped down in his chair. He quickly checked his e-mail and decided to go get himself a coffee - maybe he'd read over 'When a Marriage Breaks' … rewrite it perhaps, what with these new developments.

"Oh yeah, you should have heard him. He was fucking moaning, and screaming my name," Sebastian's voice dripped. He was surrounded by guys from all around the office. "He's such a little whore, _my_ little whore … and speak of the devil."

"Fuck off, Sebastian!" Blaine snapped as he entered the small lounge and walked to the coffee machine .

"Where was I? Oh yes, his dick - yeah that's it, it's just the right length … it hits that sweet spot every time, if you know what I mean. Oooh, he felt so good." he said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," Blaine heard on guy say - he guessed it was probably Joe. "I bet he did."

"He loved riding me - more than he enjoyed riding his husband, anyway. I'd say that, after what he saw, I think Mr. Kurt Anderson is ready to end it … probably already signed the divorce papers." Sebastian said mockingly.

Tears started rolling down Blaine's face again. Sebastian was right - Kurt probably would want a divorce. It'd be difficult not to after seeing Blaine balls-deep in another man. He'd really hurt him, like really, _really_ broken his heart - Blaine knew that, had seen it all in Kurt's eyes. He'd been such an idiot, and for that he was going to pay with the one thing he loved the most.

"He's got a mighty fine ass too, so warm and so fucking tight," Sebastian hissed. "Look at him, he's so fine. I'd love to have a ride of that ass again."

Blaine was sobbing now. Sebastian was making him sound cheap; like anyone could have him, could touch him like that, or hold him like that. He hated that feeling, the pit that had formed in his stomach. His hands were shaking so much that he dropped his mug of coffee. It shattered on the floor, just like Blaine had done with Kurt's heart.

"That's it, you bastard!" Kelsey yelled, "I've had enough of trying to stop myself from punching you! Blaine is _not_ a fucking piece of meat, he's not a prize … he may have been naïve and stupid enough to sleep with you, but you broke his marriage."

"_We_ broke his marriage" Sebastian corrected. "Him more than me in fact - _he's_ the married one."

"Fuck off. For god's sake, if you hadn't taken him out and gotten him wasted it wouldn't be broken!" She screamed. Blaine turned around just in time to see Kelsey's fist slamming into Sebastian's face.

Kelsey walked over to Blaine, wrapped her arms around him and escorted him to a cab.

"Are you going to be okay, Blaine?" she asked.

"I'm fine." Blaine replied a little too forcefully, and Kelsey was taken aback by his tone.

"Are you sure? You don't sound it ..."

"Yes, I'm fine. Just … please just leave me alone, Kelsey. I want to be alone." said Blaine. _' I deserve at least that'_ he added in his head.

"Okay, well call me if you need me." Kelsey said, and Blaine could tell he'd hurt her slightly, but he needed to be alone with his thoughts. "I'll tell Jordan you weren't feeling too good."

Blaine had been home a good few hours when there was a loud knock at the door.

"Hey Lotti." Blaine puzzled threw her a puzzled look as he opened it.

"Hi Blaine. I think Kurt left his winter designs portfolio here." She lied.

"Oh yeah, he'll be needing that for the big meeting, won't he?" said Blaine, "I'll go check the bedroom."

Lotti saw Blaine's phone on the coffee table and quickly copied Sebastian's number into her phone. Part of her did wonder why he still had it, but then she figured he is a work colleague of Blaine's.

"Did you find it?" she asked when he emerged from the bedroom, quickly composing a text to Sebastian at the same time.

**Hey baby, this is Blaine. I don't want Kurt to catch us again so this is my new number … meet me at the Plaza hotel tonight?- Blaine xx**

"Nope." Blaine shrugged.

Lotti's phone buzzed.

**I thought you were sickened by me … you sounded uninterested earlier xx**

"Kurt says check the store cupboard." Lotti lied.

**Yeah, I'm sorry about that. People at work know Kurt, they can't know we're together - Blaine xx**

**Oh? Very clever, my little whore … what time? xx**

Lotti quickly texted Kurt.

**He took the bait, now let's see if he falls for the trap xx**

**5pm ... can't wait to feel you inside me again, baby - Blaine xx**

"Nope, not there."

**Good work, Lotti ;) xx**

"Oh, Kurt says he's found them. Sorry to bother you, Blaine." Lotti said breezily, turning to leave.

"Oh it's fine - I know much he stresses over these meetings. Is he - is he doing okay?"

"If I'm honest Blaine, no - he misses you like crazy. But what you did really hurt him … he just doesn't know what to do."

"Oh ... okay," Blaine hung his head. "Any idea when he might be coming back?"

Lotti shook her head with a sigh and left the apartment.

When Lotti had left Blaine sat down at the piano and began to play a soft melody on the ivory keys. It was the song he'd been working on … he'd never been able to find the right lyrics to finish it, but now he had the perfect ones.

_My life is a,_

_series of actors changing places,_

_except there's no backstage._

_and there's no place for me._

_It's okay though,_

_the jokes on the television,_

_make me laugh,_

_remind me that it's okay,_

_not to have a backstage or a place to hide._

_Well I've got dinner on my plate,_

_got my paycheck yesterday,_

_How great, how cool._

_I've got places, I've got friends,_

_I've got Joey, Ross, and Chandler, then ..._

_there's you._

_And now, how, we like to say that we're in love,_

_doesn't i, seem like that should be enough,_

_but the world will roll their eyes but I still think,_

_Well I still think that we're in love._

_Oh shoes and jackets,_

_purses and tennis rackets,_

_make their way as they please,_

_in those SUVs to the country club._

_I don't play much,_

_but I do enjoy having the ball in my court,_

_and what's more,_

_I like playing for love._

_But I've got arms and you've got legs,_

_together we've made some mistakes._

_But hey, we're doing well!_

_Well I've got reason to believe,_

_in the power of you and me to break,_

_this spell._

_And now, how, we like to say that we're in love,_

_doesn't it, seem like that should be enough,_

_but, the world will roll their eyes but I still think,_

_well I still think that we're in love._

_One more question:_

_how is this one big lesson?_

_I don't think that there's a quiz,_

_but if there is I'll be outside;_

_playing in the yard,_

_swinging on monkey bars,_

_exercising my right to this recess from this lesson_

_that I tried, ohh_

_But I've got arms and you've got legs,_

_together we've made some mistakes._

_But hey, we're doing well!_

_Well I've got reason, to believe,_

_in the power of you and me to break_

_this spell._

_And now, how, we like to say that we're in love,_

_doesn't it, seem like that should be enough,_

_but, the world will roll their eyes but I still think,_

_well I still think that we're in love._

_well I still think that we're in love, love, love._

_well I still think that we're in love._

_Ooh ..._

Blaine finished the final chords and rushed to write the lyrics down - they complimented the melodies perfectly; the lyrics mirrored his feelings, his thoughts. Now that he'd put them out there, he felt that he'd opened the gates - he'd let the emotions he'd been trying to hold in out, and there was no stopping them … there was anger, self-hatred, bitterness, sadness, pain, disgust … _love_. He loved Kurt, and he still clung to hope … he couldn't help but feel that maybe Kurt could still love him, that they could fight through this make and it all better - to be happy again.

Blaine decided to put on his iPod to cheer himself up. He set the tracks to shuffle and Daniel Powter's 'Bad Day' came on. Blaine sat down on the couch, his head in his hands. When the second verse started he found himself singing along.

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee to go

They tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces every time

And I don't need no carryin' on

'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie

You work on a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day, the camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday

The point is they laugh at what you say

And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day, you're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie

You work on a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day, the camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

Mmm, on a holiday

Tears tumbled down his cheeks, dripping slowly to the floor. He took a deep breath and exhaled ... this song - it was almost as if it was written for Blaine and his situation. It was helping him see that maybe there was hope - that this was all him just having some bad days, and that everything would get better.

_Sometimes the system goes on the blink_

_And the whole thing it turns out wrong_

_You might not make it back and you know_

_That you could be well oh that strong_

_And I'm not wrong_

_So where was the passion when you need it the most?_

_Oh you and I_

_You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost  
'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down_

_You sing a sad song just to turn it around_

_You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie_

_You work on a smile and you go for a ride_

_You had a bad day, you see what you're like_

_And how does it feel a one more time?_

_You had a bad day_

_You had a bad day  
Had a bad day_

_Had a bad day_

_Had a bad day_

Blaine lay down on the couch and closed his eyes ... he'd finally found some peace of mind. He felt the urge to sleep, exhausted from far too many restless nights…

Blaine awoke with a start; he was having a terrible dream. He dreamt that he'd never met Kurt, that he'd never fallen into those crystal blue eyes, never held him close or kissed him softly. He couldn't recall Kurt's soft beautiful laugh, had never fallen apart at his touch or watched Kurt do the same. They'd never made love, and he had no sense of that smell that was just them, together as one. Blaine didn't like that life - in fact, he hated the idea of never meeting Kurt. This wonderful man was the love of his life and for all he knew he'd lost that … perhaps forever.

There was a knock at the door. Blaine quickly dabbed away the tears that trickled down his face before rising from the sofa and walking towards it.

"Hi." said Blaine, staring motionless at the person that stood in the doorway.

"Hi." They returned.


	9. Coming Home

The two boys stared at one another for a while, both realising just how much they'd missed the other.

"Can I come in?" Kurt asked carefully, his voice was soft, quiet and uncertain.

"Erm, yeah," said Blaine, stepping aside so that Kurt could enter the apartment.

He walked over and stood in the living room, not sure what to do with himself.

"Coffee?" Blaine asked. Kurt nodded.

Blaine went to make the coffee, Kurt following him and taking a seat at the breakfast bar. This seemed like the best place for the discussion they were about to have - Kurt still had no idea what he was going to say. He'd hope he'd know when he saw him properly again, but he didn't. Blaine pushed a scalding hot cup of coffee towards him, and Kurt took it gratefully. The two boys sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Kurt took a deep breath … he knew he must be the one to speak first.

"Blaine," he started. Blaine glanced up from where he was staring at his mug of coffee. "I've been thinking a lot lately," Blaine nodded "I can never forget what you did, nor do I think I can fully forgive you … not yet at least. But I'm not ready to lose you, Blaine … I can't … no matter how hard I tried to hate you I couldn't - I should but I don't. I love you."

"Thank you Kurt. I will do anything … I will wait forever for you to forgive me. I love you, I've missed you … it hasn't been the same around here without you."

"It hasn't been easy for me either, I've missed you … those notes didn't help things Blaine."

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to tell you those little things, the things I would have told you if you - if I hadn't …" Blaine trailed off. Kurt had tears in his eyes, and Blaine was close to crying as the memory of the broken look in Kurt's eyes flew to the front of his mind.

Blaine looked at his husband - he wanted to take him in his arms and hold him but he wasn't sure if it was time. He took a closer look at Kurt; he looked paler, thinner, his eyes were sunken and surrounded by dark circles. He walked around the breakfast bar and held his arms open. Kurt stood, a weak smile on his face as he walked towards Blaine and fell into his arms.

Kurt stood there in Blaine's arms, breathing in his scent, realising how much he'd missed him. He was back in Blaine's arms, back in his cocoon of safety, Blaine's curls tickling his chin. All he wanted to do was kiss those lips, those perfect pink lips, but it was too soon … he had to learn to trust Blaine again. It was going to have to be looked at as a fresh start, a new beginning.

Blaine held Kurt close - he smelled of rosewater, as always. He was glad to have him back in his arms. They stayed like that for an hour or so. They had missed each other … it was like they'd being missing a part of themselves.

"I think I should go to bed. I'm just … tired, really tired." Kurt said as he freed himself from Blaine's embrace. He walked into the living room.

Blaine nodded.

He saw a duvet and pillow on one end of the sofa and peered into the bedroom - the bed was freshly made, it hadn't been slept on.

"Have - have you been sleeping on the couch?" he asked Blaine.

"Yeah, it didn't feel right, sleeping in that bed. It's where I broke my vows … where I saw your heart shatter."

"Oh," said Kurt, he smiled softly at Blaine's poeticism. "You take the bed Blaine, I'll go set up the guest room … I think its best if we just sleep separate for a while …"

"Ye-yeah, are you sure you don't want the bed?" Blaine asked. "I'll take the guest room."

"No, you have it Blaine …" Kurt said, walking down the hall towards the guest room.

Kurt sat on the edge of the bed and placed his head in his hands. He'd missed Blaine, but being back there, in their flat, just brought back memories of that night. He laid down on the bed and tried to sleep, he lay there for a few hours just staring at the celling. It was 2am when he decided he wasn't going to get much sleep, so he got up and walked to the living room. He sat on the couch and glanced around the apartment. All the photographs of them - before all of this - mocked him … there were dozens of smiling Kurt's and Blaine's staring at him.

His eyes rested on the one near the TV … the one of him and Blaine on their wedding day, the happiest day of his life. Tears started to roll down his cheeks at the memory - that day was breath-taking. Blaine looked amazing in his suit, and his eyes were bright and shining as they stood at the altar saying their vows. Their first dance, Blaine held him close and whispered 'you look so beautiful tonight' in Kurt's ear. 'Not as good as you' he'd returned … 'I doubt it' Blaine whispered slowly moving one of his hands from Kurt's hip to his ass, pulling Kurt closer. They were about to start the rest of their lives together.

He walked over to the piano and started to play the opening chords to 'Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum. He began to sing hoping he wouldn't wake up the, most likely, sleeping Blaine.

_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor_

_Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

**Meanwhile**

Blaine was sat in their bedroom. It felt wrong sleeping there without Kurt, and after what he'd done in there, he couldn't even think about it … he'd been so stupid. He couldn't sleep so he sat up reading, and at around 2am he heard the piano being played. He recognised the song almost immediately, then heard Kurt begin to sing … Blaine joined in in his room, singing along quietly. Their voices merged together, forming a perfect harmony.

_it's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now_

He started to walk toward the living room, and he entered and sang a little louder.

_Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door_

Kurt turned and saw Blaine walking towards him, eyes glistening slightly in the moonlight, making them look more beautiful than Kurt had ever remembered. Blaine came and sat beside him on the piano stool.

_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

Kurt started singing again. He'd missed Blaine's voice - he sang so well.

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now_

_Woah woaaah._

_Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all_

_It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now_

_And I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now_

_I just need you now (wait)_

_Ooo, baby, I need you now_

Blaine and Kurt turned and faced each other, stared deeply into one another's eyes which were both full of unshed tears. Blaine leaned in and pressed his lips to Kurt's, placing his hands on his hips and sucking his lower lip into his mouth, nibbling slightly. He swiped his tongue over Kurt's upper lip, begging for access which Kurt soon granted, allowing Blaine to taste his mouth. Blaine had missed that taste, the taste that was Kurt. Kurt reached up to cup Blaine's cheek; Blaine's hands tickled up his sides and tangled themselves in his hair. Blaine withdrew his tongue and allowed Kurt in to his mouth, Kurt swirling his tongue around Blaine's, running it over his teeth. Kurt pulled away.

"Blaine." he breathed.

"Too soon?" Blaine asked, saddened by the loss of Kurt lips from his.

"Maybe just a little. Blaine, I need to learn to trust you again."

"Yeah, I understand. I've just missed everything about you, Kurt - your lips, your face, you smile, your voice … everything."

"I've missed you too Blaine"

"Maybe … could you sleep with me tonight, just lie next to me?"

"No Blaine, we - I need to be alone, but here with you, if you understand that … give it time. We'll talk more in the daylight okay?" Kurt smiled and walked off to the guest room swinging his hips. "Goodnight Blaine." he called.

"Night".

Both Kurt and Blaine lay down and fell in to a peaceful, dreamless sleep … it was the best night they'd both had since Kurt had left. Maybe it was because they knew where they stood with each other, or that they were under the same roof again … whatever it was, they were grateful.

Kurt awoke early, a small smile on his face as he remembered the kiss last night. It felt so right … he'd missed those lips. He didn't care it was too soon, it was nice … but they had to take it slow from now on. Kurt rose from the bed and shuffled to the kitchen - he was glad today was a Saturday, as it meant that he and Blaine could talk more - discuss things … plans, solutions.

"Hey." said Kurt.

Blaine was already sat in the kitchen tucking into a bowl of cereal, watching the small TV that they had in the kitchen, the coffee machine already switched on. His curls were gel-free and fuzzy, just how Kurt liked them. He had a bit of scruff, shadowing his jaw line - to Kurt, Blaine was at his prettiest in the mornings.

"Hey," he returned softly, staring at his husband.

Kurt always looked so beautiful in the mornings, with his hair messy from bed - it always stuck up at funny angles. In the mornings Kurt always shuffled around the apartment in sweats … he just looked gorgeous and it took everything Blaine had not to kiss him, or jump on him right now.

Kurt busied himself getting himself a bowl of cereal and pouring himself and Blaine a cup of coffee. He handed Blaine the cup and lent in, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you." Blaine said with a smile.

"You're welcome. Blaine, I think maybe we should talk a little more …" said Kurt slowly.

"Oh yeah, of course." Blaine nodded, switching off the TV set.

"Um, well, I think that maybe we should …" Kurt trailed off, casting his gaze downward to his bowl of cereal. He'd planned what he was going to say last night, but it was harder than he thought.

"What, Kurt? What should we do?" Blaine asked in a panicked voice. What if Kurt had changed his mind and now wanted to get a divorce?

"I want us to - I think we should …" he was struggling to find the right words.

"Please don't say get a divorce Kurt, please. I can't … it'll never happen again, I promise." said Blaine with tears in his eyes

"No, Blaine. I'm not saying get a divorce …" Kurt took a deep breath. "Marriage counselling - I think we should go to marriage counselling."

Kurt sighed, he finally gotten it out. He looked at Blaine; his eyes were filled with confusion and sadness.

"Do you think we have to?" he asked, hoping they wouldn't. He'd rather not tell a stranger that he'd cheated, as he still had no reason for doing it - there _was_ no reason other than he was an asshole who didn't really deserve the second chance he was getting, no matter how much he wanted it.

"Yes Blaine, there was obviously something wrong and I think maybe having someone to talk about everything, to offer an insight … well maybe some advice could really help. Rachel gave me a number of a really good one."

"Oh, um yeah … okay, sorry. I should have spoken to you after the … um… yeah …"

"Yes, maybe you should have but you didn't, and now we're here. I want things to work again … I can't see myself with anyone but you."

"Me either, Kurt." Blaine whispered.

They continued eating their breakfast in relative silence, both men stealing gazes at the other through their eyelashes. They had missed each other so much that it hurt. Even together in silence was better than being apart.

"Um, Blaine?" Kurt asked as he finished his cup of coffee "Would you like to come with me to Nick and Jeff's ... to get my stuff?"

"Y-yeah," said Blaine with a smile "… We haven't gone for a walk in ages."

Blaine got up and walked towards the bedroom, but Kurt held out his arm to stop him and pulled him into a tight hug, each boy taking a lungful of each other's scent and sighing with contentment. They were together again.

"Wrap up warm, its pretty cold outside" Kurt said, as he reluctantly pulled away. If he had his own way he'd stay in Blaine's arms forever.

"Okay, mom!" said Blaine, putting on his best petulant-teenager voice.

"Hey, I don't want you falling ill, mister!"

"Fine," said Blaine as he walked to the bedroom.

Kurt washed the dishes and walked past the bedroom, knocking gently on the door.

"Blaine honey, I'm gonna take a shower - that okay?" he said, walking in. Blaine was naked from the waist down, and Kurt couldn't help but stare. "Oh ... um ..." Kurt blushed as he caught sight of Blaine's cock accidently.

"Hey, what? It's not like you haven't seen it before ..." Blaine winked.

"Yeah, um, but … you know…" said Kurt.

"Oh, yeah ... the last time you saw me naked, I was ... yeah." Blaine hung his head. "Sorry, it's fine … you go shower."

"Yeah … um yeah, I'm gonna go now."

Kurt walked to the shower and closed the door; he fell back against it and sank to the floor. Tears slowly made their way down his cheeks and his chest heaved with sobs. This was a lot harder than he'd thought it was going to be. He'd missed Blaine a lot but seeing him, in that room half-naked just brought up all the feelings from that night.

He climbed in to the shower, stuck his head under the hot water and closed his eyes. Instinctively he began to sing - he always sang in the shower.

_I've been roaming around,_

_I was looking down at all I see_

_Painted faces,_

_Fill the places I can't reach_

_You know that I could use somebody..._

_You know that I could use somebody..._

_Someone like you_

_And all you know_

_And how you speak_

_Countless lovers_

_Undercover of the streets_

_You know that I could use somebody..._

_You know that I could use somebody..._

_Someone like you_

Unbeknownst to Kurt, the door slowly creaked open. A now fully-dressed Blaine peered through the open door, staring at his husband's flawless wet form, longing to join him. As he stared he listened to the song he was singing - it was the Kings Of Leon 's 'Use Somebody'. Blaine loved that song. He stared a little longer at Kurt and slowly closed the door, moving to sit down on the couch and wait for Kurt to be ready to go out.

_off in the night,_

_While you live it up,_

_I'm off to sleep_

_Waging wars to shape_

_The poet and the beat_

_I hope it's going to make you notice..._

_I hope it's going to make you notice..._

_Someone like me..._

_Someone like me..._

_Someone like me... somebody..._

_[wha-ah-ah]_

_Someone like you... somebody_

_Someone like you... somebody_

_Someone like you... somebody_

_I've been running around, I was looking down at all I see..._

Kurt climbed out of the shower and walked to their bedroom to get dressed. He slid into some red corduroys, a white shirt and a red, white and blue sweater vest. He slipped on his big winter coat, a fluffy hat and his favourite blue scarf, and slipped on his shoes. He walked out to the living room to see Blaine holding the picture of them at their first prom together, tear tracks staining his cheeks.

"We were so happy Kurt, and I fucked it up." he said, turning to stare at him.

"We were. I think maybe we can be that happy again, but we have to work on things …" Kurt smiled sadly and held out his hand - Blaine handed him the photo. "No I want your hand, idiot." Kurt laughed warmly.

Blaine returned the photo to the side table and stood up and took Kurt's hand in his.

"Hey, I'm no idiot."

"Yes you are, but you're my idiot." Kurt said affectionately, fighting back the urge to kiss Blaine, but it was too strong so he leaned in and pressed one to Blaine's cheek.

"Um, yeah," Blaine breathed, as he turned as stared into Kurt's stunning blue eyes. "We should … uh … go get your stuff, shouldn't we?"

"Yeah," he replied distractedly, fighting to tear his gaze from Blaine's neck.

They left the apartment and started the walk to Nick and Jeff's apartment - it was only a fifteen minute walk from their place so it never took too long, but Kurt and Blaine always like to walk through the park on their way there, adding an extra ten minutes on to their journey. The park was sort of a special place for them, as it held so many memories of just hanging out, wedding planning and most important of all, Blaine's proposal.

_It was a warm, sunny July day, the day of their graduation. They were stood backstage - there was quite a while before they'd start to call the Fashion and Journalism students up. Kurt was fussing over how his shoes didn't match the gown and how the cap was messing his hair up and what if he tripped whilst walking across the stage._

"_But Blaine I could really - mmm" Kurt sighed, as Blaine pressed his lips to Kurt's and gently pulled away. "That was a nice way of getting me to shut up … do it again."_

_Blaine obliged, reaching up to cup Kurt's cheek to deepen the kiss. As he pulled away again, Kurt whined at the loss of Blaine's lips on his._

"_I'm sorry, I just need to do this" Blaine said, dropping down on one knee and pulling a tiffany box out of his pocket and opening it. Blaine's eyes were already misty and he hadn't even started yet. "I was going to wait until after we got our diplomas, but fuck - I can't wait any longer."_

_Kurt was smiling down at Blaine as he reached out and took one of his hands._

"_Kurt, you are the love of my life, and just like you said to me four years ago, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So Kurt Elizabeth Hummel," Blaine's voice cracked slightly as tears fell down his cheeks, "Will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?"_

_Tears were making tracks down Kurt's face, a big smile spreading across his face._

"_Yes Blaine, of course I will!" he said, holding out a shaking hand as Blaine slipped the simple gold band onto Kurt's finger. _

_Blaine stood up and threw his arms around his boyfriend… no __**fiancé**__._

"_Blaine Anderson, Graduating in Journalism." called the woman on stage; Blaine quickly composed himself and walked up to collect his diploma._

_Kurt was the happiest man on earth, and he was going to marry the hottest guy in New York_.

"The stage was about there." said Blaine, nodding in the general direction.

"Yeah I remember, and over there …" Kurt gazed over at a big, nearby oak tree "… is where we, you know." Kurt blushed.

"Yeah, I still think that that was a close second to our wedding night."

"You weren't the one held up against the tree." said Kurt, shoving Blaine playfully. It really had been pretty good, even with the bark digging in to his back.

"Hey! I was happy to wait until we got home!"

"Yeah … um, yeah." said Kurt as he suddenly remembered when and with whom Blaine had last had sex. His face morphed to sadness and Blaine looked to Kurt knowingly.

"Yeah, so … uh … how was your meeting yesterday?" asked Blaine in an attempt to change the subject.

"My what? Oh yeah, the big meeting. It went well ... I think they really liked my designs."

"Yeah? Well I'm glad you found them."

"Found them? I never -" Kurt started, but then he remembered his and Lotti's plan. " Yes, I'm glad I found them too."

Blaine threw him a puzzled look. "Kurt, is everything okay?" he asked.

"What, besides you fucking Sebastian?" Kurt snapped.

Blaine was rendered speechless for a second. "Well, um, I just mean, you … um …" he stuttered. Kurt glared at him, pulled his hand free and stalked off. He didn't really want to tell Blaine that he'd punched Sebastian … not yet at least.

Blaine hung back a moment unsure of what had just happened. He quickly caught up to Kurt.

"Kurt, I'm sorry - I know I really, _really_ hurt you." He said sadly.

"Mhmmm." Kurt said.

"Yeah … um, okay yeah …" Blaine muttered, understanding that it would take a while for he and Kurt to get back how they used to, and if Kurt thought marriage counselling would help then he'd do anything. "I am _really_ sorry, Kurt."

"I know. It's just hard you know, last time you had sex it wasn't with me … I still see you two sometimes, when I close my eyes, in bed together … it just …" Kurt trailed off.

"Yeah I know, I was an ass."

"Yeah, you were." Kurt shrugged.

Blaine reached out to take Kurt's hand. He shuddered as he remembered Tuesday night and he snatched it away and continued to walk towards Nick and Jeff's.

Kurt knocked on Nick and Jeff's front door.

"There you are Kurt, where did you go?" Nick started, "Oh." he said as Blaine peered around Kurt's back.

"Yeah, I was going to call but … it was all a bit, and then …" Kurt said, trailing off.

"Yeah, we understand Kurt." said Jeff with a smile.

Kurt and Blaine entered the apartment. Kurt walked to their guest room with Jeff quickly following to help Kurt pack all of his things.

"Hey Blaine," Nick murmured when Jeff was out of earshot "I think I might ask Jeff to marry me."

"Nick, that's amazing!" Blaine beamed, pulling his friend into a hug. "I'm so happy for you."

Tears formed in Blaine's eyes as he remembered that Nick was the first person he told about wanting to propose to Kurt. He'd helped him choose the ring, the place, the right words … even talked to him when he was scared that Kurt might say no.

"Yeah, I'm worried he might not want to, though. I mean we've been dating for years … neither of us has expressed any want to get married. What if he's just happy with us living together and just staying as we are?"

"Nick," Blaine said "Jeff loves you - a lot. I'm sure that he'll say yes … okay? And then you'll be as happy as me and Kurt were."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, Nick."

"How - How are things with you two? I know he only came back last night, but what happened?"

"Well, we just talked really. He said he can't forget it or forgive me for it yet, but he doesn't want to lose me, and he'd like us to see a marriage councillor. But I'll do anything for him to forgive me, to look at me with the adoration he used to." Blaine sighed, tears springing in his eyes.

**Meanwhile**

"So Kurt," said Jeff breezily. "What's happening with you and Blaine?"

"Well - um, I told him that I can't forget what he did, or really forgive him … at least not right now," Kurt said as he walked to the dresser to pick up his hair products and face-creams. "He's agreed to go to counselling, which I thought would be for the best, all things considering."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He was kind-of hesitant at first but I gave my argument, and he accepted it. How are you and Nick doing? I never really asked when I stayed over, we were all a little busy." Kurt gave a small laugh, putting the last of his clothes into the bag.

"We're okay, I guess."

"What's happened?" said Kurt, placing his bag on the floor and pulling Jeff to sit down on the bed next to him.

"Nothing." Jeff lied, Kurt gave him a heavy stare. "Okay, it's just … do you think Nick will ever pop the question? I mean, we've been dating for years, almost as long as you and Blaine have been together. I don't want to stay in a relationship where it's going nowhere."

"Well if he's not going to ask, what's stopping you asking him? If you love him, and want to spend the rest of your life with him then why don't you? Nick loves you honey, I know he does. I'm sure he'd say yes." Kurt smiled, holding back on the tears that prickled his eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes." said Kurt, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "and you guys will be happy, and I'm almost certain you won't find Nick fucking another guy."

"Oh, Kurt, I - I" Jeff stuttered, unable to think of what to say.

"Jeff, its fine… I just - when I close my eyes I see them. I still love Blaine, but It really hurt me when I saw them in bed, the noises, it just …" Tears started to fall uncontrollably down Kurt's face

"Kurt-" started Jeff.

"Jeff, its _fine_, okay? Please don't pity me." said Kurt.

"Okay." Jeff replied, pulling him closer and allowing him to cry on his shoulder. When Kurt had calmed down, they picked up Kurt's bag and left.

"Hey guys, you have a nice catch-up?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, um yeah." A nervous-looking Nick replied.

Kurt looked confused and Blaine tossed him an 'I'll tell you later' look.

"We should go, Blaine," said Kurt.

"Uh, yeah … okay …" Blaine said, standing up. He gave Nick a quick hug and whispered 'You should go for it' into his ear.

The pair of them bid Nick and Jeff goodbye and left the apartment, and started the walk back through the park.

"So what did you and Nick _really_ talk about?" asked Kurt as he bought them some sandwiches from a small café for lunch.

"Oh … well he wants to ask Jeff to marry him." said Blaine, grinning.

"He does?!" said Kurt emphatically "Jeff wants to marry _him_, he was telling me … he doesn't think Nick is interested, but I told him to just ask him."

"Oh," said Blaine "they are so cute together, aren't they."

"Yeah, I wonder who will propose first." said Kurt excitedly.

"I think it'll be Nick, really. He's more …" Blaine waved his arms around trying to find the right words "… _prepared_, but then Jeff has persistence."

"Ah, see I have a gut feeling they'll both propose at the same time. They're that in sync and know each other so well."

"Haha … I guess we'll see in time." Blaine smiled.

Kurt and Blaine sat in the park all afternoon, just talking, laughing, remembering. They had fun, drinking coffee after coffee. It was getting on for six o'clock when they decided to go home.

"Come on" said Kurt, standing up and shouldering his bag. "Let's go, I wanna cook you something nice for dinner."

"Yummy." Blaine grinned, getting to his feet. He stuffed his hands into his jacket, Kurt looped his arm through Blaine's and they set off back to their apartment.

When they arrived back at the apartment, Kurt put his stuff in his room, stuck some washing in the machine and banished Blaine to the living room.

As Kurt chopped the vegetables for the pasta a tune popped into his head. He could quite place it, kept playing over and over in his head, but he soon managed to find the lyrics.

_Say, wasn't that a funny day?_

_Gee you had a funny way, a way about you_

_A kind of glow of something new_

_Sure, I'll admit that I'm the same_

_Another sucker for a game kids like to play_

_And the rules they like to use_

_Don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

**Meanwhile**

Blaine was sat on the couch, flicking though the TV guide, when he heard familiar lyrics coming from the kitchen, he walked over to the kitchen and peered inside.

_No, he can't be …_

_He is …_

_He remembered, after all this time …_ Blaine thought to himself.

He walked quietly into the kitchen, his eyes locked on Kurt.

_The sun telling me the night is done_

_Well I refuse to let it stop our fun_

_Close your eyes, we'll make it dark again_

_And kiss, there's a thought so how 'bout this?_

_Let's pretend that both our lips are made of candy_

_After all we need sweets every now and then_

_Don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

_Well here we are two strangers in a very different place_

_Who knows what will happen to us next?_

_Here we are with nothing but this little spark_

_It's too cold outside to lay this fire to rest_

_Go, how so very apropos_

_A goodbye just as soon as I said hello_

_Well, alright, I'll see you later_

_It's true, it's just a fantasy for two_

_But what's the difference if it all could have been true?_

_I guess this is better_

_Don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

_Oh, don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel?_

_Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

_Don't you want the way that I feel for you? _

"Remember when I wrote that for you?" Blaine asked, startling his husband as he walked into the kitchen.

Kurt stared at him blankly, suddenly a look of recognition appearing on his face.

"It was you're 18th birthday … I couldn't find the right present. I didn't have much money so I couldn't get something you really wanted so I wrote you that song. It was one of my best… it was written about my muse, after all" Blaine smiled, "It's called -"

"'Don't You', yeah I remember now … how could I forget? That was the best birthday present ever …"said Kurt as he started to dish up dinner.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Kurt smiled weakly, turning to face Blaine.

Blaine walked over and looped his arms around Kurt's waist and stared deeply into his eyes … something was drawing him in. Kurt licked his lips. Blaine leaned in closer and pressed his lips briefly to Kurt's, but Kurt wouldn't let him pull away, sliding his bottom lip between Blaine's, nibbling on his upper lip. His hand found its way to the back of his head and pulled him closer, swiping his tongue across Blaine's lower lip. Blaine parted his lips allowing Kurt in and they deepened the kiss, their teeth clashing clumsily. Kurt pushed himself and Blaine away from the counter and walked across the kitchen. He pushed Blaine against the wall, kissing him roughly.

"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt." Blaine breathed, reluctantly trying to push Kurt off. Once he'd succeeded he continued, "I think we should stop, I'm … uh …" Blaine's cheeks began to turn the most adorable pink colour.

"Yeah … um, me too!" said Kurt, straightening out his shirt. He walked back over to collect the dishes, plucked two forks out of the drawer and carried the dishes to the living room. They ate most of their dinner in silence, with the occasional "Kurt, the food you cook is amazing" and "Kurt, can you cook this every night?"

Kurt moved to wash the pots and pans when his phone began playing 'Don't Rain on My Parade'.

"Hey Rach!" said Kurt cheerily.

"Hey Kurt, what are you doing tomorrow?" she said at the other end.

"I don't think Blaine and I are doing anything." Kurt replied, a smile evident in his voice.

"You're back at Blaine's?" she breathed excitedly.

"Yeah, I missed him and needed to see him, so I came back and we talked things over a little. We're going to that marriage counsellor you suggested … I'll phone him on Monday."

"That's great, Kurt! Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come round to ours for Sunday lunch?"

"Hang on a sec, Rach …" he said, "Blaine, want to go to for Sunday Lunch at Finn and Rachel's tomorrow?" he called.

"Um – yeah, sure." said Blaine from the living room.

"Yeah, that sounds lovely sweetie. Should we come over around 11ish? I could help in the kitchen."

"Yes please, that'd be lovely, you know Finn's useless."

"I'm what?" Kurt heard Finn say.

"Nothing, darling. Okay, Kurt – we'll see you and Blaine tomorrow. Love you"

"Love you too."

"Okay, so we're going over at eleven so I can help get the food ready, okay?" Kurt asked as he rejoined Blaine.

"Yep, that sounds great." Blaine said, stifling a yawn. "Will you be joining me in bed this evening?"

"No Blaine, I think I still need time. Goodnight honey." he said, pressing a soft kiss to Blaine's cheek.

"Night, Kurt. Sweet dreams" Blaine sighed, watching his husband walk down the corridor to the guest room.


	10. Dinner at Rachel's

Kurt and Blaine woke from an even better sleep than the night before. They got up and both shuffled into the kitchen. Kurt switched on the coffee machine, and then began to make his speciality pancakes.

"Yay!" Blaine exclaimed. "I love your pancakes, Kurt. They're amazing."

"Thanks." said Kurt, smiling.

Blaine walked behind Kurt, looped his arms around his waist, rested his chin on Kurt's shoulder and nuzzled his neck with his nose, like he always did when Kurt cooked.

"Blaine!" Kurt reprimanded. "Stop, you are making it too hard" Kurt blushed at what he said, whilst Blaine chuckled in his ear.

"I don't think there such a thing as TOO hard" Blaine choked.

"Oh shush, you know what I mean. I need to learn to trust you again, which means limiting the intimacy levels, but when you do things like that, it makes me want more."

"It's just - I've missed you, so much … I just -"

"I know, and I've missed you too, but I caught you in bed with another man, Blaine. I _know_ you've missed me and that you're sorry, but it's going to take a while before I can let you touch me like that. Whenever I think about you touching people like that it's not me ... it's Smythe. I know we kissed yesterday, but not much has changed, okay? I love you, Blaine and people might think I'm stupid for taking you back … you know - 'once a cheater always a cheater' and all that ... but there's no-one else for me. You are it, my one and only, the only person I'm meant to be with ..." Kurt said as tears clouded his vision.

Blaine _was_ the only one for Kurt. When Kurt looked into his future he saw himself and Blaine, sat together at the old folks home; in their rocking chairs, hands linked, heads resting towards each other, serene smiles on their faces. That was the future he'd _always_ seen for him and Blaine, and he was sure they could get through this. Tears began to cascade down his face, but he was beginning to doubt himself - he didn't think it'd be this hard. He didn't think it would be this difficult to work on the problems, when his body just wanted Blaine

Blaine reached over and turned down the heat on the pancake mix, and turned Kurt around.

"Baby," Kurt winced slightly at the term of endearment. The last time Blaine had used it Kurt's heart had been shattered. "Please don't cry … please." Blaine pulled him into a hug.

"Blaine, I just - " Kurt started before he fell into another wave of sobs.

"I know Kurt, I know … and I'm sorry. I'll stop, okay?" He soothed, pulling Kurt closer.

Kurt pressed a soft kiss to Blaine's curls, breathing in the fruity scent of Blaine's shampoo.

"Blaine, maybe don't stop _entirely_ …" Kurt smiled. "I mean, this is rather nice."

"Yes, that it is. Okay, shall we just stick to hugs then?"

"For now. I should get back to these pancakes." Kurt nodded, trying to return to cooking, but Blaine held him tighter.

"Just a little longer, please Kurt? I've missed your scent."

"Okay, just a few more minutes. But I said we'd be at Rachel's for 11, and its 9:42." Kurt sighed. He didn't want to let go either - he'd stay in the warm, sandalwood-and-cinnamon scented sea that was Blaine's arms forever.

The two men parted reluctantly, both longing to hold the embrace that little bit longer. They continued breakfast in a mutual, comfortable silence. Once they'd eaten, they dressed quickly and left the apartment for the short two block walk to Finn and Rachel's. The two men were thrust back in time as they walked past ' The Green Crab', the place where Kurt and Blaine had announced their engagement to their families ... and that was a dinner they wouldn't forget for more reasons than one.

_The Hudmels, the Andersons and the Berrys were enjoying a lovely dinner at 'The Green Crab' to celebrate their five young adults graduating college. Kurt spent the entire meal grinning, occasionally glancing at the simple gold band on his finger, hoping someone would notice and ask him about it._

"_What's up kiddo?" Burt asked, "you look like you're about to explode."_

_Kurt looked to Blaine as if to ask 'can I tell them?' and Blaine nodded, smiling._

"_Okay - Dad, Carole, Mary, Michael." He chirped, smiling even more than before. "Blaine and I …" he paused "are ... ENGAGED!" Kurt blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer._

"_I'm happy for you boys!" said Burt, smiling._

"_Congratulations!" said Carol, Rachel and Mary in unison, with tears in their eyes._

_Hiram and Leroy smiled at them._

"_Nice one, little bro." Cooper grinned, giving Blaine a pat on the shoulder._

"_Congrats, Kurt." Finn smiled at his step-brother._

_The rest of the group looked expectantly at Michael, who simply slammed his cutlery down and stormed off outside._

"_Uh … will you excuse me?" Blaine apologised, before hurriedly following his dad outside._

"_What the hell, Dad?! Why did you just storm out?" Blaine demanded. "Kurt just told you some great news for us - you should be happy that I've found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with."_

"_Happy? How can I be happy when I have a faggy son?" Michael snapped. "I thought it was a fucking phase! I know it's been almost nine years since you came out, but it's meant to be a __**phase**__ … you should be normal now!" Hot, angry tears streamed down his cheeks._

"_He __**is**__ normal." came Burt's voice from the door._

"_I didn't ask for your opinion!" Michael shouted._

"_Yeah well, you're gettin' it." Burt retorted. "Blaine is gay, and there's nothing you can do about it. He loves my son and wants to marry him, and I give them my blessing and you should too. Blaine has helped and been there for Kurt in a way I never could and I'm pretty sure he's helped Blaine too, so just be happy for them, Michael."_

_Blaine smiled, in spite of the situation. He'd always been jealous of Kurt's relationship with his father. It was just then that he realised just how much Burt been there for him, helped him, and had shown him how to be a man._

"_Look Dad - truth is, I actually don't care what you think, because I AM marrying Kurt! I love him, and I'd love for you to be there to watch me start a new chapter in my life, by marrying the only person I want to be with. I know all this has been hard for you, but I also know you still love and care about me. Wouldn't you like to see me happy … to be in love?" Blaine's eyes shone with tears._

"_If you really want me there Blaine, then yes, I guess I could come. It's still hard to know that I'll never talk about girls with you, you know?" _

"_I know Dad, but you still have Coop for that." said Blaine. "I'm sure there's plenty more girls he'll be bringing home." he winked._

_Michael pulled his son into a hug._

"_I know Blaine, I know. I guess I just wish I could do that with both my boys."_

_Burt backed off and returned to the table to tell everyone that everything was okay and to give Blaine and Michael some space. _

"_Dad," Blaine muttered when a few moments had past. "I've missed this."_

"_What?"_

"_This … us, being like father and son. I love you."_

"_I love you too, son. Now let's not keep your fiancé without your company for too long." Michael smiled, giving Blaine a small shove._

_They re-joined the party just as Kurt was retelling the proposal, talking about weddings with the girls and Leroy. Blaine smiled to himself as he stared at his soon-to-be husband._

"_You really love him, don't you?" Michael asked, thoughtfully._

"_Yeah Dad, I do. He … he's my world - I know its cliché, but he is. He helped me, Dad … he saved me, without him knowing he stopped me from doing something stupid." said Blaine his eyes never leaving Kurt. His dad threw him a questioning look._

"_What 'something stupid'?" He asked slowly._

"_Um … well," Blaine stalled. He really didn't want to have this discussion. _

"_**Blaine**__?" Michael reprimanded._

"_Okay, Dad … please don't freak out or get mad or anything - please."_

_Michael nodded, "Okay, what is it?"_

"_Well when I was at Dalton, shortly after I came out, I was getting bullied and I thought you hated me," Blaine started, tears springing in his eyes. Michael opened up his mouth as if to say something, but Blaine held his hand up, asking him to wait until he'd finished. He needed to get this out in the open ... even Kurt didn't know._

"_And I got really depressed," he continued "I didn't have many friends I could turn to, no one I knew was gay or knew what I was going through. So the day I met Kurt, I was -" Blaine's voice cracked as sobs broke through his chest "I was going to commit suicide. I just felt the world would be better off without me … I didn't think anyone would care. I had everything set up in my dorm ready, but then as I walked down that staircase to my last Warbler rehearsal, I met him. I found something worth living for, someone who needed me. I found strength ... I found love." The last part came out all high-pitched and squeaky as tears fell down his face, "I've never told him how much he helped me."_

"_Blaine, I didn't know … I'm so sorry for making you think that I hated you. But you know what? I think you should tell him. He'll be your husband, and I think he should know." Michael said, fighting back his own tears now too. _

_Blaine nodded in agreement. He walked over to Kurt and excused them both from the party for a little while. They linked hands and took a stroll through the park. Blaine cried, Kurt cried. Kurt shared his secret too. They held each other close, sobbing together, promising each other that if they ever felt like that again they'd talk to one another. As the heat of their bodies radiated between them, Kurt pulled away and threw Blaine an all too familiar look. He dragged his fiancé towards a tree, his eyes hungry but not for food - for Blaine. Kurt was held against the tree, skin touching skin, the scent of sweat and sex filled the air, wanton moans escaping their lips. Happy, sated and having shared the past, they walked back into the restaurant. The state of their hair and Kurt's slight limp earned them a knowing look from Hiram and Leroy._

"_Nice walk, eh boys?" said Leroy, grinning._

"_Especially you, Kurt." Hiram winked._

_Kurt turned a crimson colour._

"_You know, that colour is beautiful on you." Blaine whispered in Kurt's ear, sending shivers down his spine._

"_Shut it, Anderson." Kurt hissed, sitting down gingerly as pain seared through him, and ate Pavlova. _

They soon arrived at Finn and Rachel's, and knocked at the door.

"Hey guys," Finn greeted them warmly.

"Mommy, U'cle Kurt and U'cle Blaine are here!" Patti squealed, running and throwing her tiny arms around their legs.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite niece!" said Blaine, picking the small girl up, throwing her over his shoulder and tickling her.

"U'cle Blaine, stop it!" she giggled, kicking her legs.

"Hey, guys." said Rachel, hugging Kurt.

"Hey Rach," said Kurt "Thanks for having us."

"So, how are you both?" She asked carefully, staring at Blaine, who took Patti off his shoulder and sat her on his hip.

"Better," Kurt replied, "It'll take time to get back to how we were, but we're getting there."

Blaine visibly shrank; he could feel Rachel and Finn's eyes boring into him, judging him for what he did.

"That's good. Kurt - want to help me in the kitchen?" Rachel asked, staring pointedly at Kurt as if she needed to tell him something urgently.

Kurt nodded and kissed Blaine's cheek, following Rachel to the kitchen. Blaine smiled weakly as he, Finn and Patti made their way to the living room.

The kitchen was a sea-blue colour and was filled with the scent of chicken tofu.

"What's up, Rach? You look like you have bad news …" Kurt frowned.

"Well, you know that I tell Finn everything? Well, when you came around on Tuesday, all upset …" She babbled, and Kurt nodded slowly, "He … um … he wanted to know what was up, and - well, I told him. And he called your dad and Carole and told them ... they're coming to dinner. I'm so sorry, Kurt!"

"What!?" Kurt cried. He was going to kill Finn. "SHIT! Dad's going to go berserk. I mean seriously, he'll want to string Blaine up. Thankfully we're not going to Ohio - he'd chase after him with a shotgun!"

"I know … god, I'm sorry Kurt."

"Okay, it's going to be fine. Thanks for the forewarning - I just need to make sure they aren't left alone together before I can explain."

They began preparing the roasted vegetables whilst singing their favourite Wicked songs. Their only interruption was a knock at the door, and Kurt ran to answer it.

**Meanwhile**

"What the fuck, Blaine?" Finn asked when Patti had gone to play in her room after pestering Blaine to sing. He'd waved her off with a feeble excuse - he wasn't really in the mood to sing.

"What?!" Blaine asked, unsure of why Finn was yelling at him.

"Why? Just … why would you cheat on Kurt?" asked Finn. It was clear he was putting on the 'big brother' act, just like he did when they'd first started dating. That talk had terrified and bemused Blaine.

Blaine still couldn't find any logical reason for why he'd slept with Sebastian. No good had come of it … he'd broken the heart of the guy he loved, and in doing so broke his own. It still hurt to know that all the anger and hate in Kurt's eyes on Tuesday night was not only aimed at him, but he'd put it there too.

"I don't know, Finn." Was all he could manage in a small voice, tears welling in his eyes.

"I just don't understand. You guys were - I thought you were … and then you - and just I want to know why!" Finn ranted.

"I know Finn, we were …" said Blaine, "We _were_ happy. I don't understand either … I guess it was alcohol and incredibly poor judgment on my part."

"You know Burt's gonna kill you, right?"

"I thought he might... at least I'm safe for a few days. They're coming to visit us next weekend"

There was a knock at the door.

"Hello Kurt!" Blaine heard Burt say from the door. Shit - he was a dead man! "Is there something you'd like to tell me about you and Blaine son, or do you just not tell your old man anything anymore?"

"Listen, Dad - I know Blaine was stupid …"

"He was more than just stupid, Kurt - he fucking broke your heart!" Burt snapped.

"Yes Dad, he did, but we're working on it."

"Where is he, Kurt?"

"Dad, please don't."

"Where is he?!" Burt demanded. He stormed into the living room, quickly flanked by Kurt, Carole and Rachel.

"What the hell, Blaine? Why?!" Burt demanded.

Blaine sat, blinking in shock at the sheer volume and ferocity of his voice. It took a while for Blaine to come back to his senses, by which time Burt had him by the collar.

"I … uh … um …"

"Well?!"

"Look Dad," Kurt began; Burt cast him a harsh glare.

"I'll get to you in a minute! Why did you do that to my son, Blaine?" Burt demanded.

"I - I don't know. It was a mistake … I was stupid."

"But you guys are goddamn _married_, you just … you shouldn't -" Burt hissed.

"I know."

"Dad," said Kurt "I know he did a bad thing, and yes it really, _really_ hurt. He broke my heart. But I - I love him … I can't live without him. He's my everything, and I know it's stupid, and I'm a fool following my heart and not my head … but I love this man. The guy I fell in love with wouldn't do this to me, I know - but I also know that he's still in there somewhere, when I look into his eyes that's who I see … Dad, just give him a second chance like I have … please?"

Tears shone in Blaine's eyes as he saw just how much Kurt had thought about this; how much he wanted to forgive Blaine. It showed him how much he had hurt Kurt, and made him think just how much he didn't deserve the chance Kurt was giving him.

"Kurt …" He choked.

"Shut up, Blaine!" Kurt snapped, his voice hard and unfeeling. "Dad, please give him a second chance."

Burt lowered Blaine back to the floor.

"If it means that much to you …"

Kurt nodded "It does. I love him"

Blaine stared at Kurt, noticing the tears in his eyes. He walked slowly and carefully over to Kurt, glancing at Burt to ensure this manoeuvre was okay. He opened his arms for Kurt to fall into, but he didn't. Kurt's eyes were cold, not like they were earlier on their way over. Blaine walked closer to Kurt and put his arms around him, he didn't return the gesture, but stood there stiffly. Blaine pulled away and Kurt turned and ran to the kitchen with Rachel hot on his heels, followed again by Carole. That left Blaine alone with Burt and Finn; two guys, a lot bigger that him and who both hated him for hurting Kurt.

They sat in silence, both Burt and Finn staring at Blaine, making him feel worse about himself and what he'd done to Kurt …

**Meanwhile**

"Kurt … are you okay?" asked Rachel tentatively.

"No, I'm not fucking okay!" He snapped, but then sighed "Do you think I'm an idiot for taking him back?"

"No, honey – you're in love." Carole cooed.

"I do love him, I can't help it. He – I … we …" Kurt fell into a new wave of tears. "I'm just going to sort myself out in the bathroom. I'll be back to help in a minute."

Rachel and Carole returned to preparing the veg, whilst Kurt walked to the bathroom. He stared in the mirror, frowning back at his sunken eyes, hollow cheeks, pale pallor - he looked dreadful. He wiped the tears from his face, composed himself and left the bathroom, but as he did he tripped on the carpet and fell into two strong familiar arms. He took a deep breath and smelled that unmistakable scent - it was Blaine.

"You okay?" asked Blaine, carefully.

"What, apart from you cheating on me? Then yeah, I'm okay."

"Good. Look Kurt, I really am so sorry."

"Just," Kurt held his hand up to Blaine "Save it for later. I'm not getting into this here, especially not with my dad around."

"Okay," said Blaine sounding defeated, "I'll just … yeah." he released his grip on Kurt's waist.

The rest of the dinner was fairly civil and boring after the morning's events. They ate in silence except or the occasional question about work or Patti's education.

After they'd eaten they sat in the front room with coffee and cookies. Blaine stared at Kurt as he nibbled on a biscuit, and took sips of his coffee. He was pulled from his thoughts when Patti sat down next to him

"U'cle Blainey?" She whined.

"What do you want, trouble?" Blaine asked, making Patti giggle.

"Sing a pretty song, pwease …" She whispered in his ear "Sing a pretty song to u'cle Kurt, he looks sad." Blaine looked over towards Kurt. He _was_ sad, and Blaine knew why. It broke his heart for him to know that he was the reason. "You make him smiley when you sing pretty songs." Patti continued to whisper.

"Yeah," Blaine sighed, the sight making his heart ache." He does, doesn't he. Perhaps I will sing a song."

Patti clapped excitedly as Blaine got up and started to play 'Sparks Fly' by Taylor Swift on the piano situated in the window. Everyone fell silent as Blaine began to sing.

Blaine's mind went back to their wedding day. Kurt sang this as they took their first dance, his voice soft and gentle in Blaine's ear. They held each other close, both feeling like the happiest man in the world. Blaine smiled as he saw all of their friends and family watching them start their lives together … he never thought he'd screw up this badly.

Tears cascaded down Blaine's cheeks, blurring his vision.

As the song came to a close, he glanced over at Kurt, who was smiling for the first time since his dad had arrived at the house. It wasn't really a happy smile, but one of fondness.

"I - I sang that at our wedding." said Kurt in a small voice, tears shining in his eyes.

"I know." Blaine whispered.

"Uh, Rach … I think we're going to go now. Thanks so much for dinner, it was lovely." Kurt said.

Kurt hugged his family and he and Blaine left. They walked in silence along the sidewalk, until Kurt finally spoke up.

"What the hell, Blaine?!" Kurt demanded.

"What? What have I done? I sang you a love song."

"Yes … you sang me a LOVE song. Blaine, I'm trying to forgive you for what you did … but to sing a song that I sang at our wedding, when I'm mad at you for breaking the promises you made that day …" Kurt waved his hands in the air in anger.

"I was trying to make you smile. Your smile is amazing, and I've missed it … yes, it's there sometimes, but you used to smile all the time."

"That was before you fucking broke my heart. Why him?! Why the guy we've both detested since high school … why did it have to be _him_?"

"Because he was there, and I was drunk and horny … but I - I would never have … I don't … I'm sorry Kurt. May - maybe it wasn't time for us to move back in together …"

Kurt broke down into sobs and leaned against a wall, gently banging his head before sliding to the floor.

"I'm sorry I hadn't been around much … I put work before you. I saw that you were sad … lonely - I didn't do much …"

"You did as much as you could, and you showed me some pretty amazing times at the weekend. I was stupid - I cheated and I hurt you … I was mostly sad because I knew what I was doing would hurt you."

"If you knew that, why did you keep fucking doing it?" Kurt interjected.

"I - um, I honestly don't know … He - he can get inside my head …"

"Don't lie, Blaine …"

"I – okay … well, remember our anniversary last year?" Kurt nodded. "You set up that 'surprise' in my office. Well, we have a no sex-in-the-workplace policy. I know it sounds stupid, but anyway… Sebastian knows. If the bosses found out, I'd get fired … Sebastian threatened to tell them."

"You're full of shit, Blaine!" Kurt screamed and stormed off.

"Kurt, wait!" Blaine called after him, and broke into a jog to try to catch him up.

"Kurt, listen … I didn't know about the policy back then, I promise." Blaine protested as he entered their apartment.

"Ha, yeah right … if I _am_ to believe this 'no sex policy' - which I don't by the way - then why the fuck did you let that sleazeball manipulate you like that? He wouldn't have the guts. You told me he had escorts in the office all the time!"

"Yes, I was stupid and weak to let him manipulate me … he can be pretty ruthless. I can't tell you the number of people he's screwed over JUST to get a good story. And yeah, he had more escorts than I can count, but I'm not a grass."

"Right - yeah of course …" Kurt spat shortly. "Let me know when you want to tell me the truth, asshole."

Kurt stalked off down the hall. He slammed his door shut, and collapsed onto his bed. Why was Blaine lying to him still - did he want to hurt Kurt more? Had he not done it enough?

**Meanwhile**

Blaine slumped down slowly onto the bed, tears falling silently down his cheeks.

"Fuck. I screwed up so much … I'm going to have to try hard to fix this stupid mess I made."

And with that Blaine nestled down with his thoughts and drifted off to sleep while planning the perfect anniversary for Kurt. He had to show Kurt that he still cared.


	11. Monday

Kurt woke up feeling a pang of regret, he felt guilty for yelling at Blaine yesterday. All Kurt wanted was the whole truth; there was more than just the threat of the 'no-sex-in-the-workplace' policy. Kurt deserved to know what the _ real_ reason was, after what Blaine had done, that was the very least Kurt deserved.

He pulled himself out of bed and trudged to the kitchen where he found Blaine attempting to make breakfast. Blaine had flour in his hair and tomato juice on his cheek. Kurt stifled a giggle … Blaine was so adorable, and it reminded him of why he fell in love with him in the first place.

Kurt's laughter must have be louder than he thought because Blaine turned his attention from the cooking and looked at him. Kurt was as beautiful as always- the golden morning light shone in from the window and hit him perfectly, highlighting his hair and making streaks of bronze flicker through it.

"Oh, Kurt!" He said, sounding surprised "You're up. I was trying to make you breakfast." a cute blush flared across his cheeks.

"I can see that." said Kurt laughing slightly again, "But why?

"To apologise." Blaine replied quietly, looking down at his feet.

"What for?"

"For making you mad."

"I'm the one that should apologise … I shouldn't have yelled. You were telling the truth, but I can't help feeling here's something more ..."

"Oh." said Blaine. Yes, there was something more, but that something would break Kurt's heart.

"I'm sorry ..."

"Please don't do that; I broke your heart ... I made you get defensive like that. I've lied to you and now you don't know if you can trust me – I totally understand."

"But …" said Kurt, edging into the kitchen, "there _ is_ something more, isn't there?

Blaine stayed silent. If he said that there was, Kurt would make him tell, wouldn't he? But if he said there wasn't, he'd be lying.

After a long uncomfortable silence Kurt decided to break it, knowing Blaine was panicking over whether he'd make him confess the reason. He would never push Blaine into anything, no matter how potentially heart-breaking that thing might be. He never made Blaine tell him anything he didn't want to.

"If there is, I won't make you tell me. I'll just wish that you would ... to see if it's something I can work on." He fiddled with the buttons on his pyjama top.

_'it's nothing you can work on, Kurt_' Blaine thought.

"There _is_ something ... I'm just not sure how to explain it." and there he went lying again ... it's not hard to say. _'Kurt, I slept Sebastian to try something ... someone new.'_

"Oh, okay." Kurt murmured, feeling a little like he'd been stabbed in the heart. There was something Blaine wasn't telling him, and Blaine used to tell him everything ... at least that's what he thought until he'd walked in on them.

"I'm sorry, Kurt." said Blaine, glancing down at his feet as smoke began rising from the pan.

"Shit, Blaine - you're burning the pancakes!" Kurt screeched as he ran over to shut off the hob, the smoke alarm bursting into life on the wall.

"Jesus … I'm a hopeless cook." Blaine blushed.

Kurt smiled. Although he was mad at Blaine, he couldn't help thinking how adorable he was, and how cute he was when he blushed.

"You'll learn," Kurt said with a pause "... eventually."

Kurt eventually managed to salvage the lovely breakfast Blaine was cooking. The two men chatted politely; it felt oddly normal, even after all that had happened. They dressed; Blaine didn't notice the snow falling steadily outside.

"Hey, mister …" Kurt smiled when they met again by the door. "You're not going out like that – it's thirty degrees out and snowing."

Kurt picked up Blaine's favourite pale-blue woollen scarf and his own fluffy hat. He tied the scarf around Blaine's neck and shoved the hat precariously onto his head.

"Thanks Mom." Blaine droned sarcastically, "But I can't wear this hat - it's your favourite."

"But it looks adorable on you." said Kurt, grinning.

Blaine smiled weakly. Kurt lightly pulled the scarf, bringing him closer, and pressed his lips to Blaine's in a soft chaste kiss, instantly wanting, _ needing_ more, wanting to deepen the kiss … but with regret, he pulled away.

"Have a good day at work, darling." He sighed breathlessly.

"You too, sweetie." Blaine smiled, leaning in for another kiss, but Kurt turned his head so Blaine's lips landed on his cheek.

"If we're going to kiss, it's on my terms, OK?" He said quietly.

Blaine sadly picked up his gloves and keys and left the apartment, giving Kurt a lingering look through his eyelashes; he saw sadness reflected in Kurt's eyes - the sadness that mourned their broken marriage. It was decided. Wednesday had to be perfect, it had to show Kurt how much he still cared. Blaine spent the entire walk to work thinking about perfect ways to show Kurt how much he meant to him.

Blaine entered his office with a forced smile on his face; this smile was so convincing it could fool everyone, except Kurt and Kelsey. Kelsey was stood chatting to Darren as Blaine entered; she took one look at him and immediately knew there was something wrong - that something must have happened with him and Kurt and that it was troubling him.

"Morning, Blainers!" She chimed.

"Hey, you." Blaine grinned, feigning happiness.

"Your office. Now." Kelsey demanded, seeing straight through Blaine's armour.

Blaine was confused - usually he could fool anyone with his fake smile, but he wandered to his office anyway, wondering what Kelsey needed to talk to him about. Maybe she and Darren were having problems.

"Spill!" She said as soon as the door was closed. "What's happened?"

"Nothing." Blaine lied.

Kelsey glared at him.

"Fine! Kurt and I had a fight last night and I've realised why I slept with Sebastian." Blaine blurted.

"Oh, honey - what did you and Kurt fight about?"

"Well, at Rachel's yesterday he looked really sad so I sang to him …" Blaine began, fighting back tears, "I sang him the song he sang to me at our wedding, when we shared our first dance. But he got really upset, reminding me that I broke the vows I made that day … and then he asked why I slept with Sebastian. Then like an idiot I told him about the no-sex-in-the-workplace thing we have here, and he - he yelled. He didn't believe me at first … he was mad. Then this morning he said that he didn't believe that that was the only reason … and it isn't … I just don't know how to tell him without breaking his heart."

"But honey, no matter what it is or how you tell him, you know you'll break his heart. What _is _the reason?"

Blaine shifted uncomfortably: he didn't even want to tell Kurt the reason and he definitely couldn't tell Kelsey before he told Kurt.

"I … I don't want to say." He said after a long silence. "I can't tell you before I tell Kurt - that's just not fair on him … none of this is fair on him."

"Okay honey, I understand." Kelsey nodded sombrely. It hurt to see her friend so depressed like this. Blaine was usually the positive energy in the office, the one everyone went to when they needed to cheer up. It was painful to see him upset - like he just wasn't Blaine any more.

"What's that look for?" Blaine asked, staring at Kelsey and trying to read her features.

"No reason."

Blaine stared pointedly and raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, fine … you just … I mean, you don't … well, you don't look yourself Blaine."

"Well, I can't be myself because I'm not, you see … I'm this other guy who broke his husband's heart, slept with someone else … without Kurt, I - I don't sleep very well …" He hung his head.

"Oh, Blaine." she sighed, walking over to give her small, dejected friend a hug.

"Thanks, sweetie." Blaine said, his voice muffled in Kelsey's hair. "I just … I have to make Wednesday perfect."

She pulled away slightly. "Wednesday?"

Blaine nodded, a new light shining in his eyes. "It's mine and Kurt's four-year anniversary. I have to prove to him that I still love him - that he still means the world to me."

"Aww, Blaine - that's really sweet."

He smiled shyly. "Thanks. Help me plan? This needs to go off without a hitch."

"Sure."

Blaine and Kelsey spent all day planning; Blaine booked a table at The Modern, the exclusive restaurant at The Museum of Modern Art, followed by a midnight champagne tour of the museum. After the tour, Blaine planned on taking Kurt on a quiet walk through Central Park. He'd called his favourite florist and ordered one hundred red roses to be delivered to Kurt's office on Wednesday, as well as a small corsage and a small bunch of lilies to give to him tonight. Finally he'd called Tiffany's and purchased the cufflinks Kurt had been wanting for months.

"Shit." muttered Blaine.

"What is it?" asked Kelsey, "What you've planned is _perfect_."

She turned to look at Blaine; he was holding a file emblazoned with a bright pink post-it.

"It's the 'When a Marriage Breaks' article … Jordan's printing it in this week's issue. Kurt is going to kill me … it's gonna make everything worse."

"It can't be that bad."

"I wrote about our personal life. I talked about what happens when your marriage breaks down … using my cheating as the main example."

"Oh." said Kelsey quietly. "Well, maybe we can convince Jordan not to run it …"

"I tried that, when he called me to talk about it. He loves the story - says it will sell papers. He's definitely running it."

**Meanwhile**

When the door closed behind Blaine, tears started to fall down Kurt cheeks. Blaine was hiding something, hiding the real reason he slept with Sebastian. Kurt hated this … he hated feeling so distant from Blaine, but on the other hand the situation meant he didn't want to be near Blaine. It was preventing him from being close to him - like he wanted to be, so much.

He dried his tears and wrapped up warm, picking up his Filofax before heading out to the office. As he walked he couldn't stop thinking about what might happen on Wednesday ...

"Hi Kurt." Lotti chimed as Kurt entered the office.

"Um … hi." Kurt replied, trying to hide the sadness in his eyes, but Lotti saw straight through his shield.

"Honeybun, what's wrong?" she asked, opening her arms to give Kurt a hug.

He walked towards her and fell in to her embrace, forcing the tears back, willing them not to fall until he was safely in the bathroom.

"It's just getting so hard staying away from Blaine ... you know, _physically_. It's so frustrating - my head is telling me one thing, my heart another - and don't even get me started on my genitalia!"

Lotti gave a soft, affectionate laugh. "I know honey, I know ... it will be hard, but it _will_ get better. This is you and Blaine we're talking about – you guys are made for each other..."

"I thought we were ... I'm not too sure anymore. It's like I don't know who he is now ... he's cheating, lying, going to gay bars - that's not my Blaine."

"You _ are_ made for each other though, sweetie. It will take time for things to get back to how they were ... but it's going to be painful and probably far from easy."

"What if it doesn't go back?" Kurt snapped. "What if we can never go back?! What if this never gets easier … this could be the end! He's hiding things, hiding the _real_ reason ..."

"How do you know he is?" Lotti asked, forgiving Kurt's tone despite feeling slightly hurt.

"There's obviously something more than just a threat ... he told me there was more this morning. Something he didn't know him to tell me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Look sweetie, I - I'm gonna go to my desk now ... need to phone the marriage counsellor and cancel Wednesday's reservations."

"Wednesday's reserva- oh yeah, it's your four year anniversary ..."

"Yeah. So, I'll see you … um … later, maybe." Kurt muttered, running off in the opposite direction to his cubicle. He entered the bathroom, locked himself in a stall and slid to the floor in tears.

What if this never got better or easier? What if he could never forgive Blaine, or _trust_ him ever again? He concluded that sitting in a toilet stall crying was not the best way to handle the situation. So he dried his tears, walked back to his desk, dug out the marriage counsellor's number and quickly dialled.

"Good morning, Mrs Sarah Lopez's office - Chloe speaking, how may I help you?" A receptionist chimed.

"Uh - good morning. I – uh … me and my husband ... we, um … we need counselling ."

"Okay, names?" She said, sounding bored.

"Kurt and Blaine Anderson"

"Contact number?"

"213-629-0701"

"Okay, Mrs Lopez will give you a call to arrange your appointment. Thank you for calling - have a nice day!"

Kurt went back to designing the new 'fearless' fashion outfits. The day passed quite quickly, but it was hard nonetheless. Harriet rejected his fall line sketches, and he couldn't even concentrate on his new compositions. Several times he found himself locked in the toilet, sobbing.

Kurt came home to find Blaine in the kitchen cooking again, this time he was attempting chicken and bacon Alfredo.

"Wow, Blaine - something smells great." said Kurt, his eyelashes still matted from the tears he'd cried earlier in the day.

Blaine nodded with a bashful smile. "I thought seeing as I failed in making breakfast, maybe dinner would go a little better."

"Well, it looks amazing."

"Thanks …"

Kurt went to wash up and when he returned, Blaine was dishing up the meal. He'd set the table beautifully, with candles and their immaculate wedding china.

"This looks so beautiful, Blaine." Kurt said breathlessly. Blaine walked slowly to the cupboard and pulled out the small bunch of lilies he'd chosen for Kurt.

"Oh, they're lovely …" He smiled sadly, "But …"

Kurt looked at his feet. Blaine was trying to win him back, and he couldn't help but find it insanely sweet. Kurt could feel himself slowly falling for Blaine all over again. It felt nice and familiar, but at the same time it was painful … it reminded him that Blaine had cheated, that Blaine wasn't as in love as he was before - a least, it didn't feel like it when Kurt had seen them together.

"But what?" asked Blaine, panic evident in his voice.

"But …" Kurt stared at Blaine's face, deep into his eyes. He sighed, "But nothing … thank you Blaine, they are beautiful."

"You're welcome." Blaine said, the worry still evident in his voice.

The two of them sat down and ate. They talked about their days, and as they neared the end of dinner the phone rang. Kurt answered.

"Hello – may I speak with a Mr Kurt Anderson?"

"This is he."

"It's Chloe from Mrs Lopez's office."

"Oh, okay - hi … so when will it start?"

"We have an opening Thursday at four thirty."

"Yeah, okay – that will be great." said Kurt, "Thank you."

"Who was that?" Blaine asked as Kurt placed the phone back in its charger.

"It was Chloe from the marriage counsellor's office … we have an appointment on Thursday afternoon - four thirty."

"Oh, so you … you called?"

"Yes, Blaine - we need it … we obviously have some communication issues."

"Oh, um yeah … I guess." Blaine glanced down at his feet.

"We do, Blaine … you were upset and you didn't talk to me. You should have, and you didn't." Kurt said, once again fighting back tears. "Look, I think I'm gonna go get ready for bed. It's … been a long day."

"Yeah, okay." Blaine nodded as Kurt got up to leave. "Oh, and Kurt …" He turned, "I'm sorry."

"I know."

The two boys changed for bed, but neither could sleep. Blaine was worried about the article and if Kurt would ever trust him again or if they could ever go back to how they were. Kurt was sat reflecting on his day. He was devastated that Harriet didn't like his sketches, as he was so proud of them … he just wanted a hug. He wanted to be able to sink into the arms that once held safety and comfort. He stole himself and walked to Blaine's room, knocking gently.

"Blaine? Can I join you?" He said feebly as he stood in the door way. "I could really use a hug."


	12. Tuesday

Blaine's eyes fluttered open as his alarm blared, happy to feel Kurt's warm form in his arms. He'd missed waking up with Kurt asleep next to him, smelling his scent, his blue eyes being the first things Blaine saw… Blaine had missed it all. Every little thing Kurt did- his adorable yawn and stretch before he woke up fully, the way his eye lids fluttered as he woke up, the smile that appeared as he woke up and the way light hit him perfectly as it streamed through the window.

Kurt rolled over in Blaine's arms and smiled, staring in to his bright amber eyes… he felt truly happy for the first time in a week. Kurt leaned in and lazily kissed Blaine, nibbling on his lower lip… Blaine moaned in response… Kurt mind cleared, fireworks exploded behind his eyelids… he needed to pull away, but he needed to feel close to Blaine again… he wanted to be close to Blaine, he'd missed Blaine. Although he'd hurt him a lot, even though what Blaine had done killed him, he still loved him so much, his body still wanted him. He managed to pull away.

"Morning Darling" he chimed.

"Um, yeah good morning" said Blaine, sounding flustered.

The kiss had surprised him. He wasn't expecting it… he still half expected Kurt to hate him… part of him _wanted_ Kurt to hate him, he hated himself, he loved Kurt and he loved that he was getting a second chance but he felt like he didn't deserve it… not after what he'd done.

"I'll cook breakfast this morning; we don't want any fire alarms setting off again"

Blaine blushed and hid his face in his pillow, but he turned his head just in time to see Kurt leaving the bedroom his hip swaying, seductively. Blaine stared openly, he had forgotten how hot Kurt was, how great his ass was. He had for gotten how beautiful his smile was how great it felt to wake up next to him, how well he slept with Kurt safely ensconced in his arms.

"You coming mister?" asked Kurt as he popped his head round the door.

"Um, I'll be there in a bit… I'm going to um take a quick shower" said Blaine leaping from the bed and running somewhat awkwardly to the bathroom, Kurt giggled knowing full well what was going on.

Blaine closed the door behind him and jumped in to the shower. He roughly fisted his hard, pulsating, cock and began moving his hand slowly. Soft quietish moans of 'Kurt' and 'oh baby' fell over his lips. He moved his hand faster and faster along his length, imagining it was Kurt's ass that was making him feel oh-so-good, he closed his eyes and he saw Kurt's staring straight at him, he soon came all over his hand and stomach. He showered quickly after that and went to get dressed and went to join Kurt in the kitchen. He was cooking blueberry oatmeal.

"Nice Shower my dear?" asked Kurt knowingly… he'd heard Blaine from down the hall… he had never been very good at being quiet.

"Um, yeah, I guess…" said Blaine blushing… he loved how Kurt could still do that after eleven years.

Kurt giggled quietly to himself trying to ignore his own problem caused by Blaine sorting out his. He ate his breakfast uncomfortably, which wasn't helped by the fact that Blaine kept looking at him through his eyelashes, and grinning slyly knowing exactly what he was doing to Kurt. When they'd eaten Kurt got up quickly and all but ran to the bathroom and took a cold shower to cool off. They both dressed and left for work. Both their days were rather uneventful… until Kurt went out to buy his lunch.

As it was a Tuesday, the new issue of the New York Journal was out. Kurt bought it every week Blaine always had an article, mainly little ones. Today on the cover one article in particular piqued his interest, 'When a Marriage Breaks'. It was like the article was written for him and Blaine right now, he returned to his office to read it promptly. He almost spat out his coffee when he read the by-line.

_by Blaine Anderson_

He scanned through the article, it wasn't as bad as he thought, It was mainly about Marriage itself, there was a fair amount of Blaine saying how he 'should have done' things… it wasn't the content that bothered Kurt it was the fact that Blaine had broadcast their personal lives to the whole of New York. Everyone at his work would know, they all knew that Kurt's husband, Blaine, worked at NYJ. They would know that he was having problems and they would try to help, and if Kurt was honest, he couldn't stand half of them, they were all so obnoxious and self-centred.

He texted Blaine.

**Coffee. Now!**

**Meanwhile**

Blaine entered his office to find Kelsey sat on his desk. She looked concerned, worried even. Blaine couldn't make sense of it, if it was problems with Darren or her roommates she would have texted him to meet for coffee, this fact scared him. Then he saw the copy of the New York Journal rolled up in her hand. He started to panic, a pit fell in his stomach, tears threatened to fall as he worried over what Kurt would say when he saw the article.

"Hey, Blainers" she said sadly. "Seen this week's issue"

"So he published it?"

Kelsey nodded slowly. Blaine thought about Kurt, how disappointed he'd be, how angry, how upset, how _hurt_. Kurt would surely want to leave him after this… Kurt was very private about their personal life, he rarely told their friends if they were having problems, he was going to hate that Blaine had shared it with the whole of New York.

"Shit, Kurt is going to kill me and then dig me up and kill me again and then once more for good measure" said Blaine, tears stinging his eyes.

"I'm sure it won't be _that_ bad"

"Kelsey, I fucking broke his heart a week ago, now ive written about it and now it's all over New York and I wouldn't be surprised if it's up on the website" Blaine snapped.

Kelsey withdrew, and visibly shrunk at Blaine's tone.

"Okay, I'll um go; I just wanted to see if you were okay…"

"No, Kels Wait" said Blaine quietly "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have yelled at you… I'm mad at myself for writing it in the first place"

"No, you really shouldn't have yelled" said Kelsey, coldly.

"I'm really sorry Kelsey, please don't go?"

Kelsey stopped, she knew Blaine didn't mean to snap, she glanced back at him. She looked more closely she saw how broken he was, but she also saw that something good happened with him and Kurt last night.

"I know Blaine, It just hurt, I was just trying to be a friend and you yelled"

"I know and I'm sorry, Please stay… I, I want to talk to someone… I understand if you want to leave though… I was an ass"

"Yeah, you really were an ass. What happened with you and Kurt last night then?"

"He, he wanted to sleep in the same bed again" Blaine grinned, tears still falling.

Blaine went on to explain everything, what happened, how great it felt waking up next to Kurt… how much he'd missed him. At lunch time Blaine received a text from Kurt.

"Shit. He's seen it, I have to go, bye Kels"

"Good luck, Blainers"

Blaine headed off to his and Kurt's favourite coffee shop.

Kurt was sat at their usual table, staring down at his coffee cup- his eyes were reddened, his eyelashes matted, his cheeks tear stained. As he heard Blaine enter his head snapped up.

"What the fuck Blaine!" Kurt snapped, "writing about our personal lives?! What were you thinking?!"

"I,I,I err, I" Blaine stuttered.

"Well!"

"I never wanted it to be published"

"Why did you fucking write it in the first place Blaine!"

"You know I write when I need to express my feelings. It helps me order my thoughts… I didn't even mean to hand it in… I got muddled up with the Lawrence article" said Blaine, quietly.

"Oh" said Kurt. "Sorry, I didn't- I mean I didn't think about that… but why was it on your desk and why not in you goddamn journal?"

"I'm sorry Kurt"

"Oh, I'm sure you are. But I don't understand why it was out in the middle of your desk. Anyone could've picked it up and read it. But obviously that doesn't matter because now it's published for the whole world to see. Now the whole knows that our marriage has gone down the shitter. I want to fix this, Blaine. I really do."

"I do too, I really do… I fucked up I know but I'll do anything to fix this whole damn mess"

Tears stung both men's eyes, but they both refused to let them fall, both needing each other, both wanting to hold the other close and kiss away the pain- Both knowing it was too soon. They finished their coffee in relative silence, save for the clink of china from the counter, the sound of polite chatter from other- happier- patrons of the coffee shop, after an hour or so of uncomfortable silence, Blaine's phone rung. It was Nick and Jeff.

"Blaine… WE'RE ENGAGED!" Jeff screamed down the phone.

Kurt and Blaine entered the small karaoke bar, they immediately spotted Jeff as he came bounding towards them. He had the biggest grin on his face; his bright green eyes shone with excitement. Kurt and Blaine smiled, as they remembered their engagement party.

"I'm engaged! My sexy fiancé has got the champagne come one guys" squealed Jeff pulling them off to a quiet corner where Nick stood four champagne flutes in hand.

"So" said Kurt grinning taking two flutes of nick, asking one to Blaine "who asked who?"

"He asked me" they said in unison, harmonizing subconsciously.

Kurt and Blaine grinned at each other, but remembered their fight earlier and their faces fell.

"Sooo" said Blaine, putting on a smile trying to hide the fact that inside he was breaking constantly reminding himself that he'd broken Kurt... the one guy he loved, the guy he made feel like nick and Jeff did.

"So" said Blaine again shaking himself from his thoughts "how did he... how did you ask?"

"Eeeeee yes tell us... how did happen!" Kurt said, smiling, it was nice to see him smile.

"Well, he, I we… um, he took me out for dinner and he'd hidden the ring in my wine glass" said Jeff, beaming his face glowing with happiness.

"Jeff hid mine in the cake" said Nick, blushing profusely.

"We kinda asked at the same time"

"Ohmigod you guuuuuuuyyyyyyys that is soo cute" Kurt squealed "So, you got a date, theme, location, colour, scheme?"

"Kurt, Baby" said Blaine softly, wrapping his arm around his waist, Kurt flinched at the term of endearment… he still hated Blaine calling him the same as he did Sebastian that night.

"They only got engaged six hours ago, I doubt they've thought about it that much" Blaine continue.

"And? I have stuff planned two years before you asked me" Kurt Blurted, he covered his mouth quickly when he realised what he said.

"You. You what?" asked Blaine, grinning.

"Nothing, nothing, nevermind, I said nothing" said Kurt Blushing furiously. "Can I get anyone more Champagne, Alcohol, Cyanide no? Just me okay"

Kurt made to leave for the bar but Blaine grabbed his arm and curled Kurt back in to his chest, looping his arms around his husbands waist, he brushed hairs out of his face, staring in to Kurt's eyes. He wanted to kiss him so bad, kiss those perfect lips. Kurt was adorable, Blaine loved everything about him, he fell for Kurt a little more each day, this fact made it hurt so much more that he'd broken him.

"I think it's adorable, I think you're adorable" said Blaine, Smiling remembering their first Regionals together. He pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's nose.

Kurt smiled, genuinely at the kiss, secretly enjoying it. "You missed" said Kurt.

"What?"

"You missed" said Kurt as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Blaine kissing him soft and sweetly, he pulled away grinning.

"I'm sorry Kurt"

"I know baby, I know…"

"Awwwwww you guise" sighed Jeff.

The next few hours were filled with laughter, flirting and wedding talk. The two couples giggled as they relived memories. When the blood alcohol level had increased, and the four men felt happy and pleasantly warm, Kurt and Blaine decided to sing on the karaoke.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are_

_I had to find you, tell you I need you_

_Tell you I set you apart_

Blaine started, he look to Kurt as he sung. Kurt looked even more stunning than this morning. He looked more beautiful than ever, Blaine didn't know if it was the stage lighting or that he hadn't had Kurt in over a week but he really wanted Kurt, he wanted to take him and fuck him into the bed. he wanted to watch him writhe with pleasure as he hit Kurt's prostate, he wanted to see the lust in kurt eyes as he came screaming Blaine's name, he wanted to lie holding Kurt as they rode their orgasms. He just wanted Kurt.

**Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions**

**Oh, let's go back to the start**

**Running in circles, coming up tails**

**Heads on a science apart**

_**Nobody said it was easy**_

_**It's such a shame for us to part**_

_**Nobody said it was easy**_

_**No one ever said it would be this hard**_

_**Oh, take me back to the start**_

**I was just guessing at numbers and figures**

**Pulling the puzzles apart Questions of science, science and progress**

**Do not speak as loud as my heart**

Kurt glanced at Blaine, his ass looked so good in those Jeans. Kurt had drunk quite a lot his inhibitions had been thrown out the window, his cock was running the show. He really _wanted_ Blaine, _needed_ him. Kurt needed to feel him, needed him inside him… making him feel great… he missed having intimacy with Blaine, being close, feeling, touching, fucking.

_but tell me you love me, come back and haunt me_

_Oh and I rush to the start_

_Running in circles, chasing our tails_

_Coming back as we are_

_**Nobody said it was easy**_

_**Oh, it's such a shame for us to part**_

_**Nobody said it was easy**_

_**No one ever said it would be so hard**_

_**I'm going back to the start**_

_**Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**_

_**Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**_

_**Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**_

_**Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**_

As the song came to a close both boys were extremely aroused, both had tears in their eyes. They turned and walked towards each other arms open, seeing how broken the other was, and fell in to each other's arms. Kurt turned his head and pecked Blaine's cheek.

"I'm so sorry baby, I'll do whatever it takes to fix this" Blaine whispered, softly in Kurt's ear.

"I'm sorry too Blainey" said Kurt, he kissed Blaine's neck slowly sucking on his pulse point, his cock leading the charge.

Blaine was surprised by Kurt's actions, he couldn't complain though, it felt nice. He really had missed Kurt, feeling him this close, holding him, touching him, feeling him, kissing him. Kurt pulled away.

"Let's go home" Kurt growled.

All Blaine's blood flooded south, his boxers strained, he's pants grew tight and uncomfortable. He looked into Kurt's eyes, his pupils' lust blown. Blaine was torn, it was too soon but he'd missed Kurt and the intimacy husbands share… It was a classic fight between his head and his dick… his dick won the argument.

"Um, Guys, I think we're going home" said Blaine Kurt smiled in to Blaine's neck.

"Okay, well it was nice seeing you to see you" said Jeff, Still grinning, "Kurt, could we maybe enlist you as our wedding planner?"

Kurt nodded. They all embraced, said their good byes and Kurt and Blaine hailed a cab and headed back to their apartment. When the entered Kurt slammed Blaine in to the door his cock getting the better of him unable to stop himself from kissing Blaine deeply and passionately. He grabbed Blaine by the shirt and walked him in to the sofa falling on top of him, Kurt pressed his thigh.

"Mmm" moaned Kurt "I'd forgotten how good you taste, you taste of my Blainey"

Blaine's brain managed to regain control and he pulled away and sat up. Kurt looked mad, but Blaine knew that this was the right thing for him to do, he just hoped sober Kurt would agree. Kurt leaned in and started to kiss down Blaine's neck again.

"Kurt, stop" said Blaine pushing Kurt off and standing up "it's too soon, and I hate that it is because this feels so good so right, but I hurt you… it's not the time for us to be there again"

"If it feels good why don't we just do it"

"Because it's too soon and deep down, behind your drunken haze you know that…"

"Fuck you Blaine!" snapped Kurt, storming off to the guest room "I just wanted to have some fun! You always spoil my fun! I hate you. I hate you, I hate you I hate you!"

The door slammed, Blaine winced. "You're acting like a grumpy teenager Kurt! In the morning you'll see that this was a good decision."

Kurt curled up and cried in his bed, Blaine had never turned him down before… a small voice in the back of his head was telling him Blaine was right, Kurt knew that Blaine was, but he just wanted to touch and feel blaine like he used to… before all this mess, Kurt just wanted things back to normal.

Blaine sat on the edge of the bed, put his head in his hands and run them down his face. It was the right thing to do. He really hoped that Kurt didn't really hate him… it killed him to hear those words leave Kurt's mouth and have them directed at him.

**Later that night**

It was the early hours of the morning and Kurt still hadn't slept, he knew Blaine probably would be asleep by now. He knew he always slept best in Blaine's arms… he snuck into their room and snuggled next to Blaine hoping to wake him.

Blaine stirred. "Mmm, Kur?"

"Damn you caught me"

"Happy anniersersary" Blaine mumbled before falling back to sleep

"Yeah," Kurt sighed "happy anniversary"


	13. Wednesday

Blaine woke up, his head pounding and the room spinning. His heart felt light and heavy at the same time. Yes, it _was_ his four year wedding anniversary with the person he loved more than anything in the world. It was that fact that made a pit fall in his stomach, although today was special for him and Kurt, that only reminded him that he'd broken his vows, that he'd been unfaithful to the love of his life. It reminded him of the look on Kurt's face, the pain and hurt in his eyes when he walked in on them, and of the guilt he felt each time he'd slept with Sebastian. He hated himself so much, he hated that he'd hurt Kurt, that he'd put the ever-present sadness in his eyes.

Blaine lay there watching Kurt sleep, observing the way his chest rose and fell, the way his eye lids fluttered as he dreamt, his light snores. Blaine loved to watch Kurt sleep ... he looked so peaceful and happy in sleep. It made a change from the anguish that he saw recently in Kurt's eyes when he was awake.

Kurt stirred. His head pounded and he groaned in pain, rolling in to Blaine and burying his face in his chest, scrunching up his eyes to avoid being blinded by the light.

"Good morning, beautifu!l" Blaine said cheerily, as he did every morning.

"Mmm ... ugh ..." Kurt moaned into Blaine's chest. "Is it? Is it a good morning?"

Kurt clutched his head and stomach, fighting a wave of nausea as memories of what happened when they'd arrived home last night flashed through his head. He was mortified and embarrassed - he had been so needy. He remembered yelling at Blaine, but as he looked back he knew Blaine was right to stop them going any further. It really wasn't time … no matter how badly they both wanted it.

Blaine chuckled. "Someone a little hangover? You did drink a lot last night."

Kurt tilted his head up to look at Blaine and gave him his best bitch-glare. Blaine simply tickled his fingers over Kurt's sides, up under his armpits and under his chin. Kurt tried his best but he couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face.

"Blaine," Kurt said, pausing to think about how exactly he was going to put this. "About last night ..."

"What about it?"

"I ... I don't hate you. You were right - it's too soon for us to go that far again. We would have woken up with regrets causing dou-" Kurt was cut off from talking at the speed of light by Blaine's soft lips kissing him gently.

"I know, darling." Blaine whispered as he pulled away. "Now you stay right here, and I'm gonna make you breakfast in bed."

"Don't set the fire alarms off today." Kurt called with a laugh, thumbing through the new Marie-Claire.

"I won't - promise!"

Blaine cooked the croissants, prepared the jellies, marmalades and butter and brewed the coffee. He took extra-special care not to burn anything. When breakfast was ready he arranged it neatly on a tray and carried it carefully to the bedroom. He stood at the door frame and watched Kurt reading; the morning light streaming in through the window hitting him perfectly, highlighting his hair, putting a gleam in his sparkling blue eyes, and making his lips ever so much more tempting.

"You look so beautiful, baby." Blaine smiled, unable to stop the sentiment from creeping out of him.

Kurt blushed furiously. "I look pale, thin and hungover."

"You're still perfect to me." Blaine said, setting the tray down on the bed. "You always have been." He added in a quieter voice, almost mumbling.

Kurt blushed again and prepared a croissant for himself. Blaine poured the coffee and did the same. As he watched Kurt, eat he was reminded of their first wedding anniversary.

**Three Years Earlier**

_Blaine awoke the day before their first wedding anniversary to the smell of a beautiful breakfast of bacon, beans, eggs, hash browns, mushrooms, sausages and tomatoes. It was all meticulously arranged on the dining table, in Kurt's usual 'neat freak' way that Blaine loved. He loved how Kurt had to make sure all of the place-mats and glasses matched, how the table had to be symmetrical and how the plates all had to be the same. Blaine just loved everything about his husband - it still felt weird calling Kurt that, even after a year._

"_Morning, sleepyhead." Kurt chimed as Blaine sat down at the table eyeing the breakfast feast._

"_Morning, beautiful … but what's this for? It's our anniversary tomorrow."_

_Kurt handed Blaine a small white envelope. His face had morphed to an emotionless mask. On the envelope in Kurt's curly script were the words __**'Pa**__**ck Your Bags'**__. Blaine's initial excitement from the amazing breakfast dwindled, and a confused sense of panic flooded his senses. Was Kurt divorcing him? There had been no problems - they were happy as far as Blaine could see. He looked at the envelope in horror, terrified to know what the contents were._

"_Just open it, dummy." Kurt said with a soft laugh. _

_This eased Blaine slightly. He opened the envelope carefully; there was still a small amount of fear as to what it contained, and he couldn't seem to keep his hands from shaking. When he opened it, he squeaked and looked at Kurt wide-eyed, shocked and excited at the contents. Kurt grinned and nodded._

"_Kurt! Plane tickets to Paris, really? Paris, France ... the city of love?" He beamed._

"_Yes, my dear, sweet, puppy-Blaine - an anniversary weekend in Paris, the most romantic city in the world. Now eat your breakfast and then we'll pack, our flight is at one."_

_Blaine ate quickly and proceeded to pack. He'd always wanted to go to Paris with Kurt. Walking down the Champs Elysees, climbing up the Arc de Triomphe, kissing Kurt at the top of the Eiffel Tower at midnight, late night walks along the Seine. It was the perfect place for them to celebrate their first year of marriage - so romantic, so beautiful, so __**them**__._

_They arrived in Paris late that evening. They ate dinner on the Seine and watched the lights dance on the Eiffel Tower, walking along the river bank with their arms linked. They smiled and laughed as they shared memories. The next day the couple arose early._

"_Good morning, beautiful." Blaine chimed._

"_Morning, my dear." Kurt smiled._

_They ordered room service for breakfast. The sat on the balcony looking out at the view of Paris eating croissants and brioche. From their hotel room they could see all the landmarks - Sacré Coeur, Notre Dame, La Louvre and the Eiffel Tower. The day was amazing ... Kurt bought Blaine red and yellow roses, just like the ones he'd given in congratulations for his stunning audition for West Side Story in senior year. They'd climbed the Arc De Triomphe, and Blaine took Kurt shopping on the Champs Elysees. They climbed the Eiffel Tower and as Notre Dame struck midnight Blaine kissed Kurt, dipping him, Kurt's eyes shining in the light of the tower. _

_When they returned to their room Kurt had had a beautiful midnight picnic laid out for them, with chocolate-covered strawberries, white wine and small heart shaped candies. They fed each other the strawberries and candies, they snuggled close and lay next to the fire, and fell asleep in each other's arms … it was the perfect end to the perfect anniversary._

"What's up?" Kurt asked. Blaine had been staring at him for ten minutes with a far-off look on his face.

"Huh?" Blaine shook himself from the trance.

"Why were you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you were off in your own little world."

"Oh ... um ... I was thinking about our first wedding anniversary, in Paris."

Kurt smiled fondly at the memory, remembering how perfect that weekend wa s… how happy they were and how great their relationship was - before all of this had happened.

They ate breakfast in silence, after which they both decided they were too ill to attend work and called their bosses, both men feeling groggy and hungover, both dreading what waited for them when they got to work. The questions, the looks, the pointing and whispering ... neither of them could stomach it - not today. Blaine made a quick phone call, rearranging for Kurt's flowers to be delivered to the apartment.

The day passed pretty quickly. They laughed, and shared memories of their relationship. Around lunch time Blaine started to play the piano. Kurt sat, watched and listened; he felt as though he was falling in love with Blaine all over again, and loved to hear Blaine perform. It made Kurt feel proud … Blaine always looked so happy when he performed, so at peace, relaxed and beautiful.

"Babe, what are you doing?" asked Kurt.

"I just want to play …" said Blaine, smiling to himself. He was going to play the song they danced to at Sadie Hawkins, Freshman Year at NYU, and began to play 'Mine' by Taylor Swift. Blaine hoped that Kurt would realise how much he still loved him.

_You were in college working part time waitin' tables_

_Left a small town, never looked back_

_I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin'_

_Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts_

_I say "Can you believe it?"_

_As we're lying on the couch?_

_The moment I can see it._

_Yes, yes, I can see it now._

Kurt sat up and looked at Blaine - he'd forgotten about this song. He couldn't believe Blaine had remembered, after six years ... Blaine had _remembered_. He closed his eyes and he recalled how Blaine held him so close, how he whispered softly in Kurt's ear, telling him he looked beautiful, and reminding Kurt how much he loved him. As the memory came back to him tears rolled down his cheeks ... he really missed being that close to Blaine. He got up, walked slowly over to his husband and sat down beside him on the piano bench.

_Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?_

_You put your arm around me for the first time._

_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter._

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine._

_Flash forward and we're taking on the world together,_

_And there's a drawer of my things at your place._

_You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded,_

_You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes._

_But we got bills to pay,_

_We got nothing figured out,_

_When it was hard to take,_

_Yes, yes, this is what I thought about._

_Do you remember, we were sitting there, by the water?_

_You put your arm around me for the first time_

_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine._

_Do you remember all the city lights on the water?_

_You saw me start to believe for the first time_

_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine._

_Oh, oh, oh_

_And I remember that fight_

_Two-thirty AM_

_As everything was slipping right out of our hands_

_I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street_

_Braced myself for the "Goodbye"_

'_Cause that's all I've ever known_

_Then you took me by surprise_

_You said, "I'll never leave you alone."_

_You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water_

_And every time I look at you, it's like the first time_

_I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter_

_She is the best thing that's ever been mine."_

_Hold on, make it last_

_Hold on, never turn back_

_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine._

_(Hold on) Do you believe it?_

_(Hold on) Gonna make it now._

_(Hold on) I can see it,_

_(Yes, yes) I can see it now_.

"Blaine - that song … we…"

"Yes, we did."

"You remembered ..."

"Of course I did."

Blaine looked at Kurt and mopped up his tears on his sleeve, then stood up with a smile and held out his hand to Kurt.

"Excuse me, may I have this dance?"

"Yes ... yes, you may."

Kurt stood up and took Blaine's hand. Blaine spun Kurt into him, holding him close, and placing one hand on his hip. Blaine swayed them softly, singing gently in Kurt's ear, resting his chin on his shoulder. They danced for what felt like hours, staying close in one another's arms, feeling like the past three weeks hadn't happened. They were interrupted by a loud knock at the door which Blaine insisted on answering, returning moments later with a big bunch of roses and a beautiful corsage with a blue ribbon.

"Kurt, these are for you." Blaine grinned, extending the roses and hiding the corsage box behind his back. "Happy anniversary, baby."

Kurt smiled. "Blaine, they're gorgeous - thank you. But what's that behind your back?"

"_Nooooooothing_" said Blaine evasively.

"You're hiding something."

"No, I'm not." said Blaine grinning.

"Yes, you are - lemme see!"

"Later, baby ... later."

"Hmm ... alright." Kurt pouted.

"Kurt, get dressed up nice - I'm taking you out to dinner." Blaine muttered softly into his husband's ear.

"I _always_ dress nice."

"You know what I mean."

Blaine offered his arm to Kurt.

"May I escort you to our ride, good sir?"

Kurt laughed. "Yes - yes, you may."

Kurt and Blaine walked down to the street as they left their apartment building, and Kurt looked out and saw the beautiful carriage waiting for them. Kurt had always wanted to take a carriage ride through New York since they'd moved there 8 years ago - they'd just never found the time. But now, Blaine had found the perfect moment.

"Blaine, I -"

"I know … I remembered."

Tears welled in Kurt's eyes, Blaine remembered about the song and the carriage - he obviously still loved Kurt … a lot. That fact made it hurt so much more that Blaine had cheated, Blaine still loved him but had slept with another man.

"Blaine, its beautiful - but … never mind"

"But should we be doing this seeing as I cheated, and hurt you?" said Blaine knowingly. He'd always been able to tell what was bothering Kurt, who simply nodded sadly.

"Well it is our anniversary … although I fucked up royally, I still want you to feel special, even if this is our last one because you decide you can't forgive me. I really wouldn't blame you if you can't, Kurt. If it makes you uncomfortable we can pretend it's a date, or we can just not do it at all - I just wanted to make you smile again. I can't bear that I made it go away ..." Blaine said on the brink of tears, knowing how much he'd hurt Kurt - and knowing he didn't really deserve this second chance.

"Oh, Blaine ..." Kurt choked out. "It's amazing, and as I've said, I don't think I can ever fully forgive you, but we can move on … and I think a special date on our four-year wedding anniversary is a great idea."

Kurt walked towards Blaine, stared into his eyes and pressed a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. He blinked and let the tears fall, watching as Blaine's face mirrored his own. The tears made the kiss wet and salty and the two men pulled away.

"Your carriage awaits, my dear." Blaine gestured, smiling through his tears as he helped Kurt into the carriage and climbed up too. Blaine produced the small box containing Kurt's corsage.

"Blaine?"

"It's a wrist corsage, with a blue ribbon to match your eyes."

"It's lovely - Blaine, you really are amazing sometimes … you can still take my breath away."

They snuggled together on the carriage ride keeping each other warm. The carriage pulled up outside the Museum of Modern Art. Kurt smiled as Blaine helped him down from the carriage and lead him in to 'The Modern', the french restaurant Kurt had always wanted to go to. The waitress lead them to the back room, which Blaine had had decked out with fairy lights. Kurt clapped a hand to his mouth.

"Blaine, it's beautiful! I've always wanted to eat here." he exclaimed in awe as he looked around the room.

"Well, like I said, I wanted tonight to be special… especially after everything that's happened."

"Let's forget about that - just forget it … for tonight at least, and let's just enjoy our anniversary."

"I'd like that" Blaine nodded, smiling as he pulled out a chair for Kurt to sit down.

The two men sat, ate and laughed as they relived happy memories and thought back to their wedding day.

"You looked so incredible." Blaine gushed. "I must admit, I was a pretty nervous, scared you weren't going to turn up, but then as your dad walked you down the aisle towards me all of that vanished - all my fear and nerves just disappeared. All I saw was you, walking down the aisle ready to start your life with me ..." He cast his eyes downward, ashamed of himself and all that he'd done.

"I was nervous too. I'd been such a bitch in the weeks building up to it, and I thought maybe you wouldn't show … and that got me kinda mad at you. I mean you proposed to me and you were going to leave me at the altar, in my mind. Part of me thought you couldn't love me after the yelling I did, but then I saw you looking at me, this kind-of adoration in your eyes, and you looked so happy ... so adorable, and I fell for you all over again." said Kurt, his cheeks flushing pink at his admission.

Blaine beamed and Kurt smiled back. Blaine adored Kurt's smile - it's what had drawn him so strongly to him in the first place. He'd missed it too ... it lit up his entire being and made him glow.

"God, I love that smile." Blaine blurted and Kurt chuckled, hiding his face. "It's true, Kurt - your smile is amazing … it's what made me realise how much I was falling for you"

Kurt blushed again. "Yours was for me, too."

"Mister Anderson, your midnight tour is about to start, if you and your husband would care to follow me?" A tall, blonde woman interrupted them quietly.

"Yes, of course." said Blaine.

"Midnight tour?" asked Kurt, his curiosity piqued.

"Yup."

Blaine offered his arm to Kurt and then followed the woman into the Museum of Modern Art, where they enjoyed champagne and a quiet tour of the museum, admiring the works of art, smiling and laughing.

When they had finished looking around, Blaine took Kurt back out to the carriage where the driver took them to Central Park. They shared a romantic walk in the moonlight, and Blaine stopped under their tree. He pulled out a small Tiffany box and handed it to Kurt.

"It's just a little something."

"Your gift's at home." Kurt said quietly as he opened the box tentatively, gasping with surprise when he glimpsed the diamond cufflinks nestled inside. "Ohmigod, Blaine! Really? I've wanted these for ages!"

"I know - I thought you'd like them."

"Oh, I do ... I l_ove_ them." Kurt threw his arms around Blaine's neck and hugged him tightly. They walked back to the apartment and Kurt ran ahead to fetch Blaine's anniversary present.

"Okay, so I bought this a while ago, and I thought it was pretty …"

Kurt handed Blaine a little, square box. Blaine opened it to reveal a small heart-shaped locket, glancing up at Kurt with a gentle smile.

"It's lovely."

"Open it."

Blaine did so and inside was a small image of Kurt and Blaine - a photo of their first kiss as a married couple.

"Kurt," Blaine choked in barely more than a whisper. "It's amazing."

He placed it around his neck, tears pooled in his eyes. Kurt was amazing … he was the best friend, boyfriend, fiancé, and husband that anyone could possibly ask for.

"We should sleep - it's getting late and we have work and counseling tomorrow." Kurt said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, we should."

The couple got ready for bed and snuggled down under the covers.

"Thank you Blaine, tonight was amazing. Best anniversary date, I think."

"What? Even better than Paris?"

Kurt nodded. "Mhmm, even better than Paris."

Blaine smile "Yeah?"

"_Yes_." Kurt insisted, biting back a grin. "Now sleep tight, Blaine."

"G'night Kurt."

The two men fell into dreamless sleeps, both happy and content that the date went well.


	14. Thursday

Kurt woke with a huge grin on his face as he recalled the previous night's perfection. He turned in Blaine's arms and stared at his beautiful face ... he looked so angelic in sleep and his eyelids fluttered as he dreamt. Kurt had long since memorised Blaine's face - every freckle and dimple, the line of his cheek bones, the length of his eyelashes, the shape of his lips and eyebrows, the way his cheeks coloured when he blushed … everything. Suddenly, Blaine's look of tranquillity morphed to distress as he began mumbling incoherently.

"No, no, no … get off. Leave him alone!" Blaine groaned, pulling back from Kurt and turning away from him.

Blaine often had nightmares when they were younger, dreams of when he was bullied … flashbacks from his first Sadie Hawkins dance, when he and his friend Ethan were badly beaten up. Kurt had been the only one who was able to comfort him and calm him down after he woke up from them. The dreams got him worked up into such an awful state; Kurt was the only person who knew all of the tricks Blaine used to cope.

"Blaine Baby, I'm here." Kurt cooed, rubbing his back and stroking his sweaty curls.

"P-p-p-p-please, no st-stop ..." Blaine whimpered. "Get off him!"

"Shush, darling ... you need to wake up."

"No, no, no!" He screamed. "Kuuuuurrrrrrrrttttttttttt. No, please, stop! Hurt me instead -leave him be."

"Baby, please - you really need to wake up." Kurt couldn't keep the worry from his voice any longer, and he shook Blaine gently in an attempt to wake him.

"Kurt, Kurt … WHY!? What's he ever done to you?" Blaine sobbed, waking up with a jolt, his face damp with tears and sweat.

"Baby?" said Kurt slowly.

"K-K-Kurt?" said Blaine sleepily, still sobbing slightly. "... You 'kay?"

"Yes Bee, you just had a nightmare … I'm okay, baby. Are you?"

"I dunno ..."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"S-someone wa-was beating y-you up. He ... he wouldn't st-stop and you - your head … your hair… blood ..." Blaine stuttered before bursting into tears again.

"Oh, baby … I'm here - look, I'm okay. I'm not hurt, and I'm here."

Blaine turned and threw his arms around Kurt's neck, burying his face in his neck and taking in heavy breaths of Kurt's scent.

"I love you … I - I haven't had a nightmare in .. in years." He muttered against Kurt's skin, beginning to calm down in his warm embrace.

"I know sweetie, I know …" sighed Kurt, wondering what had brought this nightmare on.

Blaine stayed snuggled in Kurt's arms for the best part of an hour. They hadn't done this in a while - Kurt had always had to get up and leave early for meetings, so it was nice when he could stay in bed that little bit longer. Soon their alarm rudely announced that it was 8:30 and they needed to be up.

"I wish I could stay here forever." said Blaine, nuzzling against Kurt's cheek.

"Me too. But we have to get up to go to work … are you going to be alright?"

"I should be, yeah ... I mean, I hope so … I'll be okay, I think I will." Blaine sounded unsure of himself. "I have Kelsey and Darren if I have any ... um ... problems."

Kurt's face fell. "You can call me too … if you need me, just call - okay? I know how these nightmares affect you… so just call me - I'll always answer, just like I promised … all those years ago."

Blaine nodded sadly. "Yes, you did ... and you kept all those promises." He tried to smile. "I'm just gonna take a shower, that okay?"

Kurt sighed to himself, knowing that something was bothering his husband … and it didn't take much to guess what. Blaine was upset and mad at himself for breaking the promises he made to Kurt on their wedding day. Kurt could see that Blaine was truly beating himself up over it all. He could see how sorry he was, but that didn't make it hurt any less - and yet it still killed Kurt to see Blaine suffering so badly over anything at all.

"Yeah - um, of course. I'll make us some coffee" Kurt smiled lightly, getting up off the bed and walking to the kitchen.

Blaine walked to the bathroom, climbed into the shower cubicle and broke down. He'd broken every promise to Kurt, and Kurt had kept all of his … even when Kurt was working late he'd always pick up the phone and talk to Blaine. He was so faithful and true to Blaine, and Blaine had broken Kurt's heart. Why was Kurt even giving him this second chance? He didn't deserve it … he'd hurt the one person he loved most in the world, the one person who understood him - the only person who really knew him, and for what? To feel like the biggest asshole in the world and to realise that the love of his life was and had only ever been Kurt.

He climbed out of the shower and tried his best to get rid of any evidence that he'd been crying, and leaving the bathroom to dress and then joining Kurt in the kitchen. Kurt was stood at the breakfast bar cooking some bacon and eggs; he smiled as Blaine entered and pushed a mug of coffee in his direction, Blaine nodding a 'thank you' in response.

"Feeling better, darling?" asked Kurt as he put three strips of bacon and a fried egg on Blaine's plate.

"Yeah, I'm fine ... just remembering how much of an idiot ive been. I'm really grateful you're giving me this second chance."

"You _have_ been an idiot. But I love you too much to let this fall to pieces …"

Blaine looked down at his feet again, and the men ate the breakfast in silence after that. Kurt showered and dressed. He stared at the photo on his dresser - his favourite shot of Blaine and himself at their first prom. Kurt smiled at the memory ... they both looked so much older now. They'd both changed so much too - the Blaine in that picture, the one that asked him to dance in front of everyone - that Blaine would never cheat on Kurt … _never_.

"Okay, babe." said Blaine from the door. "I'm off to work now - Jordan wants us in early for some reason."

"Alright ... remember we have counselling at four thirty!" Kurt called after him.

"Yes, I remember Kurt ... I remember." Blaine answered, a part of him wanting to add 'I love you' but realising it was a bad idea. "Have a good day."

"Likewise ... bye. Love you."

"Love you too." Blaine said quietly as he left the apartment and closed the door.

Kurt continued getting ready, lost in memories of their first prom, and headed to work too. When he arrived he was greeted by a sea of apologetic faces, responding to each one with a cold hard stare which seemed to say 'If you dare to utter one syllable about that article, I'll gut you like a fish'.

"Woah!" Charlotte exclaimed, taken aback by Kurt's glare.

"I swear to Lucifer, if just one of those freaking clones says so much as two words about that article, I _will_ kill someone." He snapped. "It is _my_ personal life and they can keep their fucking fake, plastic noses out of it!"

"Okay, okay … fair enough." She held up her hands in resignation. "So how was yesterday?" she asked cautiously.

"Yesterday? Yesterday was perfect … despite the hangover. Blaine was really sweet and pretty amazing … he had this great evening planned, he took me out to dinner… even bought me roses and a corsage. It really reminded me of why I fell for him. It's encouraged me to stick it out a bit longer … I'm not gonna lie, the idea of a divorce has been lingering over me. But I don't want to lose him, you know? He was there for me when no-one else was … he's always been there through it all."

"I know, Kurt ... and last night sounded amazing."

"It was." he sighed. "We've got marriage counselling tonight. I'm kinda nervous … I don't know what they'll ask or if they'll be judgemental - what do you think?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine. It might be hard at first, but it'll help - I'm positive."

"Yeah … I know."

Kurt's day dragged slowly after that, the anticipation of the counselling session weighing down on him. What would he and Blaine say? What would they be asked? Kurt had no idea. He was terrified, but he knew if he and Blaine were to get through this mess they would have to work through counselling. He received several calls from Blaine throughout the day.

**Meanwhile**

Blaine arrived at work. He was immediately met with looks of bemusement, he guessed because it seemed that finally his apparently oh-so-perfect life had come crashing down around him. All his co-workers had been jealous of him because they though Blaine's life was so easy, so flawless, so amazing. He was the boss's favourite and always got the good stories, he had the beautiful husband - the whole package. But they were wrong ... his life was nowhere near perfect. Okay Kurt was the exception … he was Blaine's one perfect thing in his messed-up life. No-one other than Kurt knew about his struggles, his nightmares, his depression - not even Kelsey, and Cooper and his parents only knew half of it. He was always so secretive about that part of himself because he wanted it to keep it hidden, and he didn't want anything else to make him be singled out. He knew already that today was going to be a bad day in itself, and the last thing he needed to be faced with was Sebastian Smythe.

"So, Blainers ..." said Sebastian scathingly. "Marriage over yet? Free to be with a real man ... not that fairy Hummel?"

"Fuck off, Sebastian." Blaine hissed, shoving past him to join Kelsey at a table.

"Ooh - someone's in a bad mood."

"Yes I fucking _am_! You fucked up my fucking marriage, you prick! You're the fucking reason I've made Kurt, the person I love more than anything in the world, hurt!" Blaine yelled, no longer caring about the looks from his co-workers. "You know, while we were doing it I was thinking of him the whole time - you made me feel worse. You're not even that good - you're just fucking deluded!"

"Whatever, Blaine ... you were screaming and begging for it. You love when I'm inside of you, making you feel amazing."

At that point Blaine lost it; his fist whistled through the air and hit Sebastian squarely on the jaw. He drew back and punched again and again.

"You don't get to tell me how I felt! You've fucked with my life enough!" He screamed before walking quickly from the coffee lounge - he didn't want anyone to see him break. He ran and ran, not knowing where he was running to, and soon found himself under his and Kurt's tree in Central Park. He leaned his tired body against it, slid down the trunk and broke down into sobs.

He'd messed up everything, and everyone at his work knew … everyone in New York knew, and it killed him. Once he'd composed himself slightly, he called Kurt.

"K - Kurt?" He stammered, trying to regulate his breathing.

"Blaine? Honey, are you okay?" Kurt couldn't hide his worry.

"Y-yeah, I th-think … it's just a bad day … I just wanted to-to hear y-y-your v-v-voice"

"Oh Bee, are you going to be okay? Do you need me to come get you?"

"No, I'm f-fine ... I-I should get back t-to work"

"well, okay ... but if it gets worse, you call me. Promise?"

"P-p-promise."

"Love you, Blaine. I'll see you later."

"Love you too. Yeah … later." Blaine sighed sadly as he hung up.

He composed himself, wiping all traces of tears from his face. He walked back to the office, imagining all the possible consequences and scenarios of what would happen when he returned - would he get fired? Would everyone know? Would he get forced on sabbatical?

When he arrived back at the office everyone was staring, obviously having heard what had happened between him and Sebastian in the coffee lounge that morning. They were all whispering and pointing at him which did nothing to aid his anxiety. When he reached his office, he closed the door and slid down it putting his head in his hands. He hadn't noticed Kelsey sat at his desk.

"Blaine - care to tell me what that was all about this morning?" She asked, staring at Blaine, her voice harsh and firm.

He didn't hear her. He was on the floor, sobbing hysterically to himself, trying to ignore the voices in his head.

"Blaine, peanut - are you okay?"

"I can't do it." he said to himself, making Kelsey feel as though she was only hearing half a conversation. "I've come so far ... done so well."

"Can't do what?" Kelsey asked, clearly concerned.

"Kurt would be so disappointed if I did ... even more than he already is." Blaine sobbed, still not hearing Kelsey or acknowledging her presence. "But it feels so good ... I deserve the pain. I've been stupid ... I deserve it ... but I can't - no! I can't - I have to stay strong ... it's been 8 years, and ... and I can't go back... not to _that_ place."

"Go back where? Blaine, please tell me what's wrong?" Kelsey begged, frowning deeply and trying not to panic. Blaine finally looked up and realized she was there.

"Shit! Um ... I'm fine." He lied, his voice higher than usual.

"No. You're not. What's going on?"

"Nothing, okay!?" He snapped. "I'm fine"

"I'm just trying to help, Blaine!" Kelsey yelled in exasperation.

"Yeah ... I know, I'm sorry." Blaine conceded with a slump of his shoulders, immediately regretting his previous tone. "If you do want to help me ... um ... can I ask that you stay with me? Like, don't leave me on my own ... that'd help a lot."

Kelsey nodded quickly. "Yeah, okay - of course ... but why? What's wrong?"

"I'd rather not talk about it to be honest. Let's just say I'm having a very bad day and leave it at that, okay?"

"Sure. I promise I won't leave you." Kelsey obliged, still unsure what could possibly be causing Blaine so much distress, but keen to help however she could.

Kelsey spent the rest of the day talking with Blaine in his office. He was glad of the company ... it helped him steer his focus from the tingling sensation in his wrists. Blaine made several two minute calls to Kurt's phone, occasionally calling and hanging up as soon as Kurt picked up, having nothing to say and satisfied at hearing his voice. At three forty-five, Blaine left the office to head to his appointment with Kurt.

The counselling session was long. There were several arguments and a lot of talking, listening and understanding. The two men left the office feeling slightly better about the whole situation and arranged an appointment for the following week at the same time.

"Hey, Bee?" Kurt said as he cooked dinner. "A friend of mine is having a Christmas party tomorrow. Wanna come with me?"

"I ... um ... I have plans." Blaine lied - he really just wanted a quiet night to himself.

"Plans?" Kurt frowned. "With who?"

"Just some of the guys from work." Blaine shrugged.

"Who?!"

"Just some people from work, okay?!"

"No, its not fucking okay! What's the point in marriage counselling if you're just going to get drunk with the asshole causing all the problems the day after!?" Kurt screamed.

"I'm not going out with _him_!" Blaine yelled back before sighing and lowering his voice. "I'd never ... I mean, after I hurt you so much doing what I did."

"Then why can't you tell me who you _are_ going out with?" Kurt cried, unable to calm his temper.

Blaine threw his hands up in the air. "It doesn't _matter_ who with, because no matter what I say you'll think I'm going with Sebastian and I'm going to get drunk and fuck him!"

"And I have every fucking reason to!"

"He's an asshole, Kurt - and I hate him."

"Well, you obviously don't otherwise you wouldn't have fucked him, for christ's sake"

"I _do_! I do I hate him because he made me a cheater!"

"_You_ did that! _You_ slept with _him_. He didn't force you." Kurt stormed into the living room, stopping at the door. "And the correct term is adulterer."

Blaine collapsed to his knees sobbing, while Kurt ran from the apartment and down the street, keen to get as far away from his husband as possible. Tears streamed down Kurt's face, and in his haste to get out he realised he'd forgotten his coat. It was a cold December night and he walked aimlessly for a little while before opting to jog the remaining three blocks to Rachel's place. When he arrived his lips were blue, his fingers were numb and he was shivering. He knocked on the door and Rachel answered.

"R-r-Rachel, can - can I stay here to-tonight?"

"Ohmigod - of _course_, sweetie! Come in, you must be freezing."

He nodded, entered the apartment and slumped down on the couch.

"What happened?" Rachel asked, draping a blanket over Kurt's shoulders to warm him up.

"I invited Blaine to Jeremiah's party tomorrow and he said he's going out with 'some people from work' ... I know he really means _him_."

"He wouldn't ..."

"Then why else won't he tell me who he's going out with?"

"I don't know, sweetie ..."

"Exactly - he still wants to be with _Smythe_ even after we started counselling to fix this mess."

"Kurt, honey - what are you gonna do?"

"I-I don't know." Kurt sobbed. "I think I need to be away from Blaine. I'm going back to Lima this weekend ... I think maybe we should get a divorce - despite what he said and did yesterday. I mean, if after we started counselling he still wants to go out with another guy he obviously isn't happy with me. If he'll be happier with Smythe then I'll let him ... I'd do anything to make him happy. The thing that sucks the most ..." He said, his voice breaking, "... is that I still love him with everything I have, and without him I wouldn't be here."

Kurt broke down fully; Rachel comforted him while he cried on her shoulder over his broken marriage.

"Weird question ... can I use your piano?" He sniffed. "Singing helps organize my thoughts."

"Yeah, of course honey. Do you want to be alone?"

Kurt chewed his lip and nodded. "Please."

"Okay." Rachel kissed his cheek and left the room.

Kurt made himself comfortable at the piano, took out his phone and dialled Blaine's number.

**Meanwhile**

Blaine sobbed for at least half an hour. He was so stupid - he could've just told Kurt that he wanted a quiet night to himself, but then he would have tried to convince Blaine to go with him. Blaine thought it was easier to lie than to have an argument, even though a lie is what started this whole mess. But they argued anyway. He was about to call Kurt to apologise when his phone rang, the screen clearly displaying _My Kurty_.

"Kurt? Hi ... I -" He stopped short when greeted by piano chords.

_I know what you're doing_

_I see it all too clear_

_I only taste the saline_

_When I kiss away your tears_

_You really had me going_

_Wishing on a star_

_The black holes that surround you_

_Are heavier by far_

_I believed in your confusion_

_So completely torn_

_Must have been that yesterday_

_Was the day that I was born_

_There's not much to examine_

_There's nothing left to hide_

_You really can't be serious_

_If you have to ask me why_

_I say goodbye_

Tears streamed down Kurt's face as he sang to Blaine. He'd already mentally prepared himself for what he was going to say when he finished the song, but it wrenched his heart just thinking about the words. He never thought he'd divorce Blaine; Blaine had been 'the one' … Kurt was sure - or he had been - until last Tuesday.

_'Cause I am barely breathing_

_And I can't find the air_

_Don't know who I'm kidding_

_Imagining you care_

_And I could stand here waiting_

_A fool for another day_

_I don't suppose it's worth the price_

_It's worth the price, the price_

_That I would pay, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_Everyone keeps asking_

_What's it all about?_

_I used to be so certain_

_Now I can't figure out_

_What is this attraction?_

_I only feel the pain_

_There's nothing left to reason_

_And only you to blame_

_Will it ever change?_

_'Cause I am barely breathing_

_And I can't find the air_

_Don't know who I'm kidding_

_Imagining you care_

_And I could stand here waiting_

_A fool for another day_

_I don't suppose it's worth the price_

_It's worth the price, the price_

_That I would pay, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_But I'm thinking it over anyway_

_I'm thinking it over anyway_

Blaine cried silently to himself as he listened to his husband sing - he heard the sadness and tears in Kurt's voice and it horrified him to know that he put it there. He really needed to apologize for the lies, and to tell Kurt the real reason he didn't want to go to the party - and he'd tell him he punched Sebastian. But as the song continued he felt like he'd blown his chance - his final chance.

_I've come to find_

_I may never know_

_Your changing mind_

_Is it friend or foe?_

_I rise above or sink below_

_With every time_

_You come and go_

_Please don't come and go_

_'Cause I am barely breathing_

_And I can't find the air_

_Don't know who I'm kidding_

_Imagining you care_

_And I could stand here waiting_

_A fool for another day_

_But I don't suppose it's worth the price_

_It's worth the price, the price_

_That I would pay, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_But I'm thinking it over anyway_

_I'm thinking it over anyway_

_Well, I know what you're doing_

_I see it all too clear_

"Kurt?" Blaine choked. "I'm so sorry."

Kurt was momentarily side-tracked and couldn't bring himself to begin his divorce speech. He decided to give his husband a chance to explain himself.

"What for?" He asked.

"For lying to you ... I just wanted a quiet night at home tomorrow. I was stupid to lie, but ... I just didn't want to argue with you about it."

"But we ended up arguing anyway." Kurt sighed.

"I know …"

"You really don't want to come?" Kurt asked, trying to bite back his suspicious tone. He just didn't feel that he could trust what Blaine said anymore.

"Not really, Kurt."

"So why didn't you just say that?"

"I don't know … like I said, I'm a complete idiot."

"You are …" Kurt sighed again, warming to Blaine's words despite his earlier feelings. "... but you're _my_ idiot."

Blaine let out a soft, relieved laugh. "Are you coming back tonight?"

"No … I need some space, Blaine."

"Oh ... uh, okay." said Blaine. " I'll miss you. Goodnight."

"G'night Blaine."

Kurt hung up. Both men broke down again and set their phones down. They both undressed and settled their exhausted bodies into their respective beds for the night, each one missing having the other man beside him. Blaine felt remorseful - he'd hurt Kurt so much that Kurt couldn't trust him. Kurt hated that he couldn't believe a single word that left Blaine's mouth … he needed to sort out his thoughts, and decide once and for all what he wanted to do about Blaine. Both men fell into a restless sleep, wondering what the other was doing.


	15. Friday

Kurt awoke; he rolled over and fell off Rachel's futon. His heart sunk as he remembered what happened last night, he was still convinced Blaine was lying to him. He _was_ going out with Sebastian he could feel it, Kurt needed to let go of Blaine, he just wasn't ready to, If he was honest he didn't think he ever would. He promised Blaine, years ago, that he'd _never_ say goodbye to him, and Kurt knew it would kill him to do so- But he had to, because staying with Blaine while he was falling for someone else hurt too much.

Blaine barely slept. He'd made himself sleep on the couch; he didn't feel right sleeping in their bed without Kurt. He did however, steal Kurt's pillow to sleep with or rather to bury his face in and cry. He rolled of the couch at around 6:15am unable to sleep. He sat at the piano and tickled the ivories. tears rolled down his cheeks as his favourite memories of he and Kurt flickered on the 3D Imax of his mind.

Kurt entered work, his eyes puffy from crying, he looked pale and thin from lack of sleep. He made a bee-line for his desk keeping his eyes down, hoping to avoid contact with his colleagues. It didn't work, he had to give his designs to the art department, supervise the new photo shoot (Harriet was out today) and solve all the minor issues.

At noon Blaine phoned him, he ignored the call. He didn't want to talk to him right now, he couldn't not when he was at work. He'd breakdown again, and that's the last thing he needed to do at work, let alone on a day where he was essentially in charge. Blaine called several times during lunch, each call met with a sigh, an internal debate over whether to answer it which was usually resolved by Kurt slamming his phone down on the table. After about five renditions of this routine, Charlotte noticed something was up.

"Kurt?" she asked cautiously, he looked up sharply, dreading the obvious pending question.

"Yes" he near snapped

"What's up? You keep slamming your phone down"

"Blaine keeps calling me," he sighed "we had another fight last night… I invited him to a party and he turned me down for _Smythe_"

"Oh Kurt"

"He says he's not, he says he wants a quiet night in- but he's lying, I know he is"

Charlotte nodded attentively.

"I just can't trust him anymore, I mean how many other times has he blown me off to hang out with _him_"

"I understand Kurt. I wish I could help, make you feel better" she said a sad smile on her face.

"I hate not being able to trust him, or believe a single word that leaves his mouth… he keeps saying him loves me, that's a lie too. If he loved me he wouldn't make me feel like this, like im cheap and worthless, like these twelve years meant nothing to him." Tears pooled I his eyes "these twelve years have been the best years of my life… and it was all because of him… and I" Kurt fully broke down.

Charlotte wrapped an arm around Kurt and cradled him while hes sobbed. He cried on her shoulder for around an hour.

"I, I, I think" Kurt said when he had calmed slightly "I, m-m-might ask him f-for a-a divor-orce"

"Oh honey bun, are you sure?"

"n-n-no, bu-but if he'd b-be happier wi-with som-omeone else, then I-I-I'll bre-break my-my heart, He al-all rea-ready di-did… bu-but lea-leaving him wi-will be th-the hard-ardest th-thing I'll e-ever hav-ave to do"

"Oh Kurt, I'll be here for you- help you through it…"

"Th-thanks. Um, Lotti?"

"yeah?"

"would you like to come to the party tonight? I don't know many people there except Jeremiah, and I expect Matt"

"Sure sounds fun" She smiled.

b**Meanwhile**/B

When Blaine entered the office he was met with looks of pride and fear. His spat with Sebastian yesterday was the talk of the office, everyone seems weary around him now. Kelsey ushered Blaine into his office, she could see he'd been crying and had barely slept.

"What happened" she demanded when she'd closed the door.

Blaine sighed, he hated that she could read him like a book.

"Kurt and I had another fight last night, it was only a small one and we kinda made up… but I think hes thinking of leaving me" tears rolled down Blaine's cheeks

"why do you think that, peanut?"

"Because I goddamn broke his heart… and last night he called me and sung 'Barely Breathing'… It sounded like he was going to ask for a divorce"

"Oh honey" she said, wrapping an arm around him "What did you guys fight about?"

"I-I didn't want to go to this party he invited me to, so I said I was hanging out with work friends and he jumped to conculsions and thought I was going out with Smythe and I know I shouldn't have lied, I just wanted a night in alone…"

"Oh Blainey" she cooed.

"how can I make it up to him, I just want one more chance"

"you could surpise him at the party? serenade him… you're good with those things"

"yeah I guess I could. Thanks Kels"

Kelsey and Blaine spent the rest of the day planning what Blaine was going to do at the party tonight. Kelsey gushed about Darren, how he'd taken her on the best date last night; hed taken her to her favourite french restaurant, and for a romantic stroll in the snow in Central Park. Blaine smiled, happy that his best friend was happy- but he was also saddened as he remembered He and Kurt used to be like that, more flashbacks flashed through his head.

"I need to find out where it is. I'll text Lotti"

b **Hey, Lotti- Blaine**/b

_What do YOU want-L_

b **You hate me don't you? look im planning on surprising Kurt at the party tonight. I need the Address-B**/b

_you think?! and I thought you had plans with SMYTHE?-L_

b **well I Don't! I hate the guy… just Please Lotti? please, I want to at least try to fix things… I don't want to lose him-B**/b

_Well you should have thought about that before you fucked another guy!-L_

b **I ficling lnow thst!/**b he texted back through tears

_What? okay, okay, I'll give you the address its 616 Draper Road in Brooklyn, I cant say how he'll react when he sees you there-L_

b**tjanka…./**b

He wrote down the address sobbing, he left work early on account 'he didn't feel too good'. He went home and prepared what and how he was going to serenade Kurt.

When Kurt arrive back home he was surprised to see Blaine sat at the piano.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out with 'Work friends'" said Kurt, sounding disgusted.

"I said I wanted a quiet night in" said Blaine quietly

"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever Blaine." said Kurt still mad at him

"I am, I'm just staying in, I just want some time to myself, its been a very long week" Blaine lied, trying to sound convincing he didn't want Kurt to figure out he was going to the party too.

"Hmmm" said Kurt, reconsidering whether or not Blaine was lying, part of him was starting to believe him.

"Yes"

Kurt finished getting ready doing his hair. He came out in his grey skinnies, a plain white shirt and black blazer, On his lapel the Hippopotamus head broach Blaine had bought him for Christmas the year they met. Blaine turned as Kurt cleared his throat.

"How do I look?" he asked, he liked getting Blaine's opinion on his outfit.

"uh, um what?" said Blaine staring, Kurt looked stunning. he loved those pants and that Blazer made his abs look amazing.

"What do you think of my outfit?" asked Kurt, trying not to laugh.

"You look amazing Kurt"

"Thank you" Kurt blushed.

"Seriously" Blaine walked over to Kurt "You look beautiful"

Blaine looked in to Kurt's wanting to kiss him so much.

"Um, Thank you Blaine. are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Um, yeah, sorry, Kurt I just need a quiet night in tonight, I have a review on this new book anyway" He smiled weakly.

"Oh, okay, well I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah"

Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek.

"Love you."

"Love you too, Kurt"

Kurt left reluctantly, really wanting Blaine to come with him. It had been ages since they had been to a house party together, He really missed Blaine, he felt so disconnected to him and he hated that. He wished so much that they could go back to how they were, before Kurt found out, before Blaine even started the affair.

"Kurt!" Jeremiah exclaimed when Kurt entered the large apartment.

"hi" said Kurt smiling weakly.

"No husband then?"

"No, he didn't want to come, I invited him" said Kurt sadly wishing Blaine was there

"Hey Kurt" said Matt cheerily.

"Hey Matt" said Kurt, putting a fake smile on his face.

Jeremiah saw straight through it and jumped up on stage and began to sing, badly.

_Save some face, you know you've only got one_

_Change your ways while you're young_

_Boy, one day you'll be a man_

_Oh girl, he'll help you understand_

_Smile like you mean it_

_Smile like you mean it_

_Looking back at sunsets on the East side_

_We lost track of the time_

_Dreams aren't what they used to be_

_Some things sat by so carelessly _

Kurt smiled as Jeremiah danced on the stage singing at the top his lungs. He pulled Kurt up to dnace with him, Kurt laughed as he did so. He couldn't help wishing Blaine was here singing this song to him.

_Smile like you mean it_

_Smile like you mean it_

_And someone is calling my name_

_From the back of the restaurant_

_And someone is playing a game_

_In the house that I grew up in_

_And someone will drive her around_

_Down the same streets that I did_

_On the same streets that I did_

_Smile like you mean it_

_Smile like you mean it_

_Smile like you mean it_

_Smile like you mean it_

_Oh no, oh no no no_

_Oh no, oh no no no_

"There we go," said Jeremiah, "that's a real smile"

He nudged Kurt's shoulder.

"Okay okay" Kurt smiled.

"Now, Kurt you need to sing"

"oh, no, no ,no"

"Oh come on Kurt" pleaded Jeremiah "You have to sing something, you have an amazing voice"

"I'm really not in the mood to sing" said Kurt, really not wanting to.

"Pleeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeee Kurt?" begged Matt, "Please, just one song"

"No" said Kurt "I don't feel like singing"

"You, know it's the best way to express feelings" said Jeremiah "It might make you feel better"

Kurt glanced around the room, for an alternative conversation partner. His eyes landed on a short man with dark curls enter and his mind changed.

"Okay, I'll sing."

Kurt got up on stage, and began to sing, not taking his eyes of Blaine.

_Guess mine is not the first heart broken,  
my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,  
there's just no gettin' over you _

Blaine heard Kurt singing and watched him, Kurt was always so stunning when performing. It had always fascinated Blaine, Kurt always conveyed such emotion when he sung. Blaine started to really listen to the lyrics, he could hear the pain in Kurt voice, the pain he'd put there.

_I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around  
and wait for you  
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else  
for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted to you  
But now there's nowhere to hide,  
since you pushed my love aside I'm out of my head,  
hopelessly devoted to you  
Hopelessly devoted to you,  
hopelessly devoted to you_

Kurt stared at Blaine, trying to convey that he really meant what he was singing. He love Blaine, despite the pain he'd caused him. He'd always loved Blaine.

_My head is saying "fool, forget him",  
my heart is saying "don't let go"  
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do  
I'm hopelessly devoted to you  
But now there's nowhere to hide,  
since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,  
hopelessly devoted to you  
Hopelessly devoted to you,  
hopelessly devoted to you_

He got off stage after his well-deserved round of applause, Blaine walked towards him.

"I thought you wanted to have quiet night in" said Kurt smiling.

"I got lonely, I've missed you"

"I'm glad you decided to come, Blaine, this is Jeremiah and of course you know matt" said Kurt gesturing to the men respectively "Jeremiah, this is my husband Blaine Anderson"

"Nice to meet you" said Blaine extending his hand to Jeremiah

"Anderson? Blaine Anderson as in from the New York Journal" said Jeremiah shaking Blaine's hand.

"um, yeah I guess I am" said Blaine smiling slightly.

"Hi Blaine"said Matt smiling

"Matt, my man…. how are you?"

"I'm alright thanks" he said smiling.

"now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to sing to Kurt" he said as he climbed on the stage, he put on his song and started to sing.

_A strangled smile fell from your face_

_It kills me that I hurt you this way_

_The worst part is that I didn't even know_

_Now there's a million reasons for you to go_

_But if you can find a reason to stay_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together whatever it takes_

As Blaine sung tears rolled down his cheeks, hed really, really fucked up and he'd do everything and anything to fix this. It killed him that he'd hurt Kurt this badly, he didn't deserve to win Kurt back, but if he could, hed hold on forever and never hurt him again.

_She said "If we're gonna make this work_

_You gotta let me inside even though it hurts_

_Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"_

_She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be_

_You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And give me a break_

_I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better_

_But remember the time I told you the way that I felt_

_That I'd be lost without you and never find myself_

_Let's hold onto each other above everything else_

_Start over, start over_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_and believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together whatever it takes_

Kurt smiled as Blaine finished the song.

"Blaine" Said Kurt, his hands clasped to his mouth. "that was lovely"

Blaine smiled. "I mean it, every word… I really will do everything and anything to get us back to how we were"

"I know, I love you Blaine"

"Love you too"

Kurt, Blaine, Matt and Jeremiah spent the rest of the evening chatting, laughing and singing. Both Kurt and Blaine had missed this, just hanging out with each other like they used to before this whole mess.

At around ten Lotti arrived, Kurt left to talk to her. Blaine's eyes caught glimpse of Sebastian on stage, he began to sing Michael Jackson's I Want You Back. He stared at Blaine the entire performance, when the song came to a close he walked over to Blaine.

"Blaine baby," said Sebastian "I want you back… you deserve better… you deserve me"

"You cant have me _back_ because I was never yours!"

"Please, I think he's ready to divorce you anyway- I would if I were him, my little whore"

"Even if he does, and I don't blame him-ive been an asshole, I would _never_ get back with you"

All of a sudden Blaine found Sebastian's lips on his, He panicked, he was scared and felt sick. He tried to push Sebastian away, Sebastian kissed him aggressively biting his lower lip. Sebastian moaned into Blaine's mouth, Blaine was terrified, he could breathe he felt dizzy and like he was about to faint.

It was at that point when Kurt returned, he stood in shock staring at the scene that was before him. Blaine and Sebastian, lip locked Blaine's hand, placed on Sebastians chest. In that moment Kurt decided, It was time, this hurt too much he couldn't stay with Blaine, Blaine obviously loved Sebastian and didn't love Kurt any more. All he said after the song was a lie, Kurt knew it, he was a fool to Believe Blaine after all he'd done and lied about.

Blaine looked in Kurt's direction, Kurt turned and ran. Blaine finally managed to push Sebastian off. This whole situation was all fucked up, he'd broken Kurt, he loved Kurt more than anything. He knew he'd probably blown it but maybe if Kurt would give him a chance to explain?

"Back off and leave me the fuck alone" screamed Blaine as he slapped Sebastian.

Sebastian cradled his swollen cheek while Blaine ran out to the street to find Kurt, he needed to explain. He couldn't believe he'd blew his final chance… maybe it wasn't too late.

"Kurt, wait, Please? in need to explain" said Blaine almost in tears.

"Save it Blaine… I'm going back to Lima… this is too hard and its not working, we cant fix this… especially since your not in love with me anymore" said Kurt, fighting back the tears.

"I still lo-"

"No, you don't… otherwise you wouldn't have kissed him just now."

"Kurt, please let me explain?"

"Goodbye Blaine, I'll send the divorce papers over from Lima… Just know that I love you, I always have and probably always will… but you'll be happier with him obviously… theres nothing i wouldn't do for you to be happy… so here's me breaking my heart for you"

"Kurt, no please?" Blaine begged. " you said you'd never say goodbye to me"

"I never thought you'd make me feel like this, that you'd cheat on me. Relationships, hell, marriages are about trust and I don't trust you anymore!" Screamed Kurt tears rolling down his cheeks.

"none of it meant anything, I love you more than anything"

"You and me, we used to be together" Kurt began to sing. "Everyday together, always"

"I really feel " Blaine Joined "That I'm losing my best friend I can't believe This could be the end"

Kurt continued.

_It looks as though you're letting go_

_And if it's real_

_Well I don't want to know_

They both sang the chorus as Kurt walked away from Blaine.

b_**Don't speak**_

_**I know just what you're saying**_

_**So please stop explaining**_

_**Don't tell me cause it hurts**_

_**Don't speak**_

_**I know what you're thinking**_

_**I don't need your reasons**_

_**Don't tell me cause it hurts**_

**Our memories**

**Well, they can be inviting**

**But some are altogether**

**Mighty frightening** /b

_As we die, both you and I_

_With my head in my hands_

_I sit and cry_

_b__**Don't speak**_

_**I know just what you're saying**_

_**So please stop explaining**__/b_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_ b_**(no, no, no)**_

_**Don't speak**_

_**I know what you're thinking**_

_**I don't need your reasons**_

_**Don't tell me cause it hurts**_

_It's all ending_

_I gotta stop pretending who we are..._

_You and me I can see us dying...are we?_

b_**Don't speak**_

_**I know just what you're saying**_

_**So please stop explaining**_/b

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_b** (no, no, no)**

_**Don't speak**_

_**I know what you're thinking**_

_**I don't need your reasons**_

_**Don't tell me cause it hurts**_

_**Don't tell me cause it hurts! /b**_

_I know what you're saying_

_So please stop explaining_

_b__**Don't speak,**_

_**don't speak,**_

_**don't speak,**__ /b_

_oh I know what you're thinking_

_And I don't need your reasons_

_I know you're good,_

_I know you're good,_

_I know you're real good_ b

**Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la**

_**Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'**_

_**Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush**_

_**don't tell me tell me cause it hurts**_

_**Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'**_

_**Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts /b**_

Kurt turned and ran home to pack. Blaine sank to his knees sobbing, he'd lost his final chance… He'd lost everything.


	16. The End

Kurt arrived back at the apartment, tears cascading down his cheeks, and he began to pack quickly. He wanted to leave before Blaine got back; this was hard enough as it was, and would be even harder with Blaine there. He'd almost finished when he heard the door open and Blaine's footsteps.

"K-Kurt?" said Blaine sobbing "P-please let me explain? Please?"

Kurt said nothing. He continued packing, fitting all he could into the large suitcase. He left a few of his clothes that just wouldn't fit. Blaine entered the room.

"Kurt - Kurt, please stop!"

"No Blaine, I can't! I can't be with you anymore ... It hurts too much. It hurts too much to know someone else has touched you like that, the way only I should ... and I don't want to share you. You were mine first and I love you but ... but you ... you love someone else and I'm just going to have to live with that." Kurt cried as he pushed past Blaine out of the apartment and hailed a cab. "I can't stay here - I just can't!"

He climbed into the cab with his case and began to sing Taylor Swift's 'Last Kiss' quietly to himself, and the tears continued to fall. Kurt would really miss Blaine but this was the best option. He paid no attention to the odd looks he gained from the cab driver. His mind flickered with memories of him and Blaine, before all this, back when they were happy … when they were together. But this was it - he and Blaine had broken up; there was nothing more to it. Kurt didn't want it to be this way ... he wanted _his_ Blaine back, not this lying cheat … his Blaine would never do this to him ever.

**Meanwhile**

Almost simultaneously, unbeknownst to Kurt, Blaine sat at the piano and began to sing too.

_I still remember the look on your face_

_Lit through the darkness at 1:58_

_The words that you whispered_

_For just us to know_

_You told me you loved me_

_So why did you go away?_

_Away_

_I do recall now the smell of the rain_

_Fresh on the pavement_

_I ran off the plane_

_That July 9th_

_The beat of your heart_

_It jumps through your shirt_

_I can still feel your arms_

_But now I'll go sit on the floor_

_Wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is_

_I don't know how to be something you miss_

_I never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips _

Blaine left the piano and walked to their bedroom still singing, taking a moment to look through the closet and stroke the clothes Kurt had left behind. He'd left his suit from their wedding, Blaine's favourite jeans and Blaine's sweater he always stole when he was ill. Blaine slipped it on; it smelled like Kurt, and he curled up on the floor just breathing in the scent of him. This was it - he'd lost Kurt ... he'd been stupid and had lost the only man he'd ever loved. He'd hurt him and he'd lost him.

_I do remember the swing of your step_

_The life of the party, you're showing off again_

_And I roll my eyes and then_

_You pull me in_

_I'm not much for dancing_

_But for you I did_

_Because I love your handshake, meeting my father_

_I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets_

_How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something_

_There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

Kurt closed his eyes, trying to stop the flashbacks. They were the last think he needed right now ... what he needed was the courage, the strength not to tell the cabbie to turn the car around so he could run into Blaine's arms and give him a _second_-second chance. He'd give Blaine all the second chances in the world, but he couldn't … he was done with getting hurt. He'd had enough ... he loved Blaine and knew he always would because he just couldn't stop - Blaine was the only one for him. He'd never find anyone one he loved as much.

_And I'll go sit on the floor_

_Wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is_

_I don't know how to be something you miss_

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep_

_And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe_

_And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are_

_Hope it's nice where you are_

_And I hope the sun shines_

_And it's a beautiful day_

_And something reminds you_

_You wish you had stayed_

_You can plan for a change in weather and time_

_But I never planned on you changing your mind_

_So I'll go sit on the floor_

_Wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is_

_I don't know how to be something you miss_

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last kiss_

_Forever the name on my lips_

_Forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last..._

As the song drew to a close Kurt called his father.

"Dad?" his voice strained

"Kiddo? What's wrong? You never call your old man." Burt said, sounding concerned.

Burt was right - Kurt hardly ever called his dad, and he didn't talk to him nearly as much as he should or wanted to. He was dreading telling his dad that he was divorcing Blaine … Burt would want to kill Blaine. He'd always been protective of Kurt but right now he just needed him to be his dad.

"I - I'm coming home … for a few weeks. I n-need to be away from hi-him."

"From who?"

"Blaine, Dad … we're getting a-a divor-orce."

"Kiddo ..." His dad sighed sympathetically. "You sure?"

"Y-yes - he ... he hurt me t-too much … I have to g-get out."

"Okay, Carole and I will get some food in … when you coming back?"

"I'm headed to t-the ai-airport n-now…"

"Alright, Kurt - I'll see you when you land. Everything will be okay … I'll make it so."

"Thanks, Dad. Love you."

"Love you too, buddy."

Blaine snuggled up in the foetal position, still wearing Kurt's sweater, and hugged his pillow. He picked up his phone and called Kelsey.

"He, He l-l-l-left me Kels ... he, he, he, he left m-m-me" said Blaine, incoherently.

"Blaine? What was that?" She soothed gently.

"Kurt. Left. Me." He managed between sobs.

"Oh peanut ... I'm coming over" she said before hanging up.

In fifteen minutes Kelsey arrived at Blaine's apartment, knocking on the door which Blaine didn't have the energy or the want to answer. Part of him hoped it was Kurt, coming back to tell him they could work it out and it'll be okay, that he still loved him. He knew it wasn't though - he'd fucked up too badly, hurt Kurt way too much. She knocked again.

"Blaine? Peanut? You there?" She said gently.

"Come in ... s'open." he called through his sobs.

Kelsey faintily heard Blaine and entered the apartment.

"Blaine? Where are you, honey?"

"Here" He sobbed from the bedroom.

She entered the room and found him on the floor, still curled up clutching Kurt's pillow to his chest.

"I fucked up Kels ... I've fucked up big time, and he's left me … for good!"

"Oh, peanut."

"NO! Don't give me fucking sympathy - I don't deserve it … I don't deserve anything. I should go … I have nothing left. Nothing!"

"Blaine, don't talk like that."

"I deserve to die! I hurt one of the kindest, sweetest, gentlest men in the world … the only guy who I loved and who loved me back … the one who didn't leave, but helped me get better!"

"Blaine?"

"I've lost everything - Kurt helped me through all that crap. Fine way to fucking thank him, huh?!" Blaine cried out, tears still rolling down his cheeks. "I feel just like I did back then … ten years of fucking progress down the toilet."

"Progress? Blaine, what are you talking about?"

He sighed and took a deep, shuddery breath before speaking. "I did, and still do to some extent I guess, suffer with depression … and it got so bad, I considered taking my life. The - the day I planned to do it, I met Kurt, and he saved my life and gave me a reason to stick around. And now he's gone again, it's all I can think about …" Blaine broke down in sobs, Kelsey's cheeks also damp with unhappy tears.

She was seeing a whole other side to her best friend. She never knew that he had this dark past - she'd only known him as the strong confident man he was a month ago. She wished she could help him get back to that.

"Blaine, I'm here - you have plenty to stay around for ..." She said once she'd composed herself, because Blaine's revelation had shocked her.

"Like what?" He demanded harshly.

"Like, us - our friendship … your job, family ... oh, and what about your niece Patti?"

"But Kurt was my world - he was my gravity, my anchor ... now I'm just floating."

"Blaine, peanut … you're only twenty eight - you've got so much life left to live."

"But it's not living without him."

"Well then you need to get up, lock those dark thoughts away, and go after him … win him back. Like Ross did with Rachel in the last episode of Friends."

"Rachel wasn't divorcing Ross though …"

"But they both loved each other … he told her and she came back. It's worth a try, don't you think sweetie?"

"I guess." Blaine sniffed.

He quickly got up and dressed, grabbing his guitar and already knowing what song he was going to sing. He hugged Kelsey and thanked her before hailing a cab and heading right to the airport.

Kurt arrived at the airport, bought his ticket and waited to board. As he handed the hostess his ticket he heard the one voice he both wanted and didn't want to hear, and turned and saw him.

"Kurt!" Blaine shouted as he approached the gate, his guitar pounding against his back as he ran, eyes still red and puffy. "Kurt - wait, please! Give me one more chance, please?"

"No Blaine, I have to go … I can't stay."

"Please?"

"No!"

Blaine began to play, starting to sing, really hoping Kurt could forgive him.

_let's pretend baby_

_That you've just met me_

_And Ive never seen you before_

_I'll tell all my friends_

_That I think you're staring_

_And you say the same to yours_

_And oh, well dance around it all night_

_And then I'll follow you outside_

_And try to open up my mouth_

_And nothing comes out right_

_And I wanna fall in love with you again_

_I don't have to try_

_It's so easy_

_Who needs to pretend?_

_But because it's so funny_

_Let's just think about it, honey_

_ Let's just fall in love again_

Blaine stared right at Kurt the whole time, trying not to cry. This was his last chance to try to win Kurt over. He knew as soon as Kurt boarded that plane it would really be over, and he would have lost everything - absolutely everything. Kurt was his one perfect thing, the one thing that kept him sane, the person that had saved him … Kurt meant the world to Blaine and he'd fucked everything up.

Kurt just watched him, trying so hard to not let himself forgive him … Blaine was adorable and Kurt loved him and everything about him. He wished he'd never found out, but more so that it never happened. He wished he didn't have to do this because it was the hardest thing he's ever done - and it was killing him.

_I'll call you in three days_

_Not too soon, not too late_

_And I'll ask your roommate if you're home_

_You call me on Thursday_

_And well hang out all day_

_Then fall asleep on the phone_

_And oh, I'll hold your hand when we drive_

_And well lose track of all the time_

_And well tell everyone_

_That we ain't never felt so alive_

_And I wanna fall in love with you again_

_I don't have to try_

_It's so easy_

_Who needs to pretend?_

_But because it's so funny_

_Let's just think about it, honey_

_Let's just fall in love again_

_Well fall disgustingly fast_

_And well stop hanging out with friends_

_And they'll be so offended_

_And I wanna fall in love with you again_

_I don't have to try_

_It's so easy_

_Who needs to pretend?_

_But because it's so funny_

_Let's just think about it, honey_

_Let's just fall in love again_

_Let's just fall in love again_

Kurt smiled, his heart aching so badly it felt like he was dying. He wished he and Blaine could fall in love again but he couldn't … Blaine had hurt him too much.

"Blaine, I can't … I just can't." he shook his head sadly.

"One more chance, please? Or at least let me explain that kiss …"

"There's nothing for you to explain. You kissed him!"

"No, no, no - he kissed _me_ … I tried to push him away but he woul-"

"Just leave it Blaine. I can't ... I can't be with you anymore. We're over - for good."

Tears streamed down both of their faces.

"I'm sorry I hurt you so much." Blaine sobbed. "I hope you find someone who's worthy of you. And who makes you feel as special as you are and as happy as you've made me."

"Goodbye Blaine …" Kurt wept. It took everything he had to not tell Blaine he loved him and would take him back ... but he just had to turn and walk away. He boarded the plane, sat in his seat and broke down.

* * *

Thank you All for reading, there is an epilogue to come. I am writing two versions, one posted here and the other on S&


	17. Epilogue

**One Year Later**

Kurt entered the bar, the smaller, dark-haired man beside him; their fingers intertwined and his head on Kurt's shoulder. Just as they were about to order drinks Kurt turned to the stage, Kurt spotted him, and stopped dead in his tracks. Why was _he_ here?

"Babe?" The other guy asked, reaching out and petting Kurt's arm. "You okay?"

"Oh god ... oh god, no …" Kurt said under his breath as he stared at the person sat at the piano.

He had dark hair and olive-toned skin. He was thinner but more muscular than Kurt remembered, his eyes looked worn and over-tired and he'd cut his hair. Kurt couldn't help but wonder how this year had been for him - what had happened since Kurt moved out, and how was he doing? Was he seeing anyone?

"The pianist ... " Kurt said, still staring at across the room; the other man gave him a blank look. "... he's my ex-husband."

"Oh, Kurt. We can go if you like? There's plenty of bars round here. We don't have to stay if it's going to be hard for you."

"No Ryan, honey ... it's fine. I just haven't seen him since I moved out."

Ryan took Kurt's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. He knew how hard this must be for Kurt ... Blaine had really hurt Kurt, and Ryan hated that. He hated that someone could do such a thing to him. Ryan worked at Runway with Kurt; ever since Kurt started there Ryan had had a crush on him. He'd kept his distance when Kurt was married, but when Kurt's divorce had finalised he jumped at the chance to ask him out. They had been dating for about five months.

Blaine raised his head from the keys and saw Kurt; he looked more beautiful than Blaine remembered. Blaine didn't notice Ryan stood next to Kurt holding his hand - he only saw Kurt. He continued to play the song, torn between being happy that Kurt was there and sad that he'd lost him.

"Thank you." he said as the patrons of the bar and Kurt clapped and cheered. "This next one is an apology ..." he looked pointedly at Kurt. "... I wronged someone I dearly loved and I lost them."

Blaine began to play Taylor Swift's 'Back To December' and fought back tears as he remembered how stupid he'd been. Kurt was everything he needed, everything he'd ever wanted and he'd fucked up. But maybe he and Kurt could try again ...

Kurt just stared. A part of him missed Blaine, but the rest still hated him and wanted to forget him. He hated Blaine for what he'd done; it had really hurt him deeply. He felt guilty for missing him while he was dating Ryan but he couldn't help it - Blaine had been his best friend for thirteen years, after all. Kurt missed that closeness they'd had when they were sixteen. Blaine song came to a close and Kurt watched him climb off stage and start walking towards him. Kurt took a deep breath.

"He's coming over" he muttered.

"Babe, we can leave if you want? We really don't have to stay." said Ryan, turning to leave.

Blaine reached them.

"Hey." he breathed, staring at Kurt.

"Oh, um ... hi, Blaine." said Kurt, staring openly at Blaine's arms; they really were a lot more muscular than they were last year. He was so busy staring that it wasn't until Ryan spoke that he was brought back to reality.

"Hi, I'm Ryan." he said extending his hand to Blaine, who flinched slightly but took it and shook it.

"Good to meet you." said Blaine.

"Likewise." said Ryan, but there was an edge to his voice that stated he really didn't like Blaine.

"Yeah ... um, Ryan is my ... boyfriend." Kurt chimed in awkwardly, introducing Ryan properly to Blaine.

"Oh." Blaine smiled. He was happy for Kurt, but he still wanted him for himself… Kurt made him feel safe, and he needed that more than ever.

"Yeah." said Kurt nonchalantly. "You seeing anyone?"

"No ... can't really be with anyone right now ... am in recovery." Blaine murmured quietly, looking down and pulling his sleeves down subconsciously.

"You didn't - did you?" Kurt stared pointedly, suddenly filled with concern.

"Oh, no ... no, I didn't ... I promise bab- Kurt." Blaine caught himself falling into old habits. In part he wanted to tell Kurt what happened, but he couldn't tell anyone.

"Good ... that's good. You okay?"

"I-I'm fine … "

"Blaine? What's wrong?"

"I-I-I can't talk about it, n-not yet …"

"It's okay - you don't have to, Bee." Kurt said as he stroked Blaine's bicep. "Um ... wow!" He breathed, unable to stop the thought from escaping his mouth earning him a disapproving look from Ryan.

"Yeah ... um, I've taken up boxing and karate, cos I - I need to feel safe again." Blaine said, and Kurt could only look confused. Blaine folded his arms across his body and chest - he was closing in on himself, protecting himself.

Kurt knew all too well what this meant; Blaine was getting scared, past memories were coming back to him. There was one way to calm him, and Kurt was torn between Ryan and helping Blaine. He really needed to do something for his ex, knowing he was having one of his attacks … he was one of the only people who knew what to do, aside from Cooper.

"Blaine? … Blaine … look at me." Kurt urged, taking hold of Blaine's forearms. Blaine flinched and tried to pull away. "Come on, head up." he tilted Blaine's head back to face him. "Come on, Blaine - look at me."

Kurt took a deep breath and began to sing Teenage Dream slowly … Ryan looked confused and slightly mad at Kurt's concern for his ex-husband. Blaine's breathing quickened.

"Sorry ..." Blaine muttered. "I'm sorry." He was panicking, and singing like this usually helped, but not this time - clearly not with these flashbacks.

"You okay, Blaine?" asked Ryan.

"Yeah ... um, I'm fine ... I'm fine, Ryan - nothing to worry about. I need to go finish my set now." he babbled, just needing to go as he could feel the flashbacks and the fear getting more intense. He had to go - he needed to find Kelsey.

"Are you sure you're okay, Blaine?" Kurt asked. "Is it me being here …?"

"I'm fine … everything isn't all about you, Kurt!" Blaine snapped, really not mad at Kurt, just angry about what happened to him. "A lot can happen in twelve months … things happen. Terrible things ..."

Kurt was confused, but then he heard Kelsey calling.

"Blaine?" She said. "you need to get back on or they won't pay you … oh, Kurt - um, hi! You doing okay?" she looked at Blaine in concern.

"Yeah - I'm worried about Blaine though."

"Peanut?" she asked, stroking his back. "Is it that night again?" She looked at Blaine, who simply looked scared and small and vulnerable.

Blaine nodded "I was so helpless … scared, I was so stupid! It won't go away, Kels ... make it stop."

"Oh, Peanut ... darling, come here." She wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay, you're safe now ... you're with friends."

"I'm safe with friends" He repeated quietly. "Safe, with friends."

Blaine headed back to the stage muttering that chant under his breath, and Kurt turned to Kelsey with a questioning look on his face.

"Kels ... what's that about? Is he okay"

"He's fine." She lied. "Bit shaken, but … well, it's not really any of your concern anymore Kurt. If he wanted you to know he'd have told you ... he didn't, so just leave it be."

"I still care! What happened?! He flinched from me, and he never did that."

"Things change ... _people_ change! Horrible things happen and people are left with the consequences." she said, her voice venomous. She knew that she had to keep Blaine's secret at all costs; she was the only one he'd told.

"I know, but he's just not _him_ anymore." Kurt insisted, with Ryan at his side getting more and more impatient with his concern over his ex.

"You try living with what he is, and see if you're 'you' anymore!" She yelled, and stalked off before she said anymore.

"What the hell, Kurt?!" Ryan shouted when he was finally given some attention again.

"What!?" He jumped a little, not quite knowing what he'd done wrong.

"All this concern over your ex! When he was here it was like I didn't fucking exist!"

"Baby ..." said Kurt, immediately feeling guilty. "There's nothing between me and him - he hurt me and I tried to forgive and he hurt me more. But he's not himself ... he's a friend and I'm concerned."

"Whatever." Ryan made to leave and Kurt grabbed his arm.

"It's just ... Blaine helped me out of hard times." He said, looking down. "I don't want to see him back there himself."

"Kurt, he fucking hurt you ... you were upset for months! And you want to stop _him_ hurting? What the fuck?!"

"It's a different hurt! Ryan, you don't understand like I do … I saw him at his worst …"

"Well, you just fucking do what you want, Kurt. You obviously still have feelings for him!"

"No, I love you Ryan ... I-I love you." Kurt quickly realised that was the first time he'd said those words to Ryan.

"What?" Ryan said, turning around slowly.

"I love you." said Kurt, looking right into Ryan's eyes. "I love you … I love _you_."

"You ... you've never told me that before."

"I know …"

"I love you, too." Ryan smiled, Kurt walking up and throwing his arms around his neck to kiss him.

As Kurt kissed Ryan, Blaine looked up from the piano keys, his heart slowly breaking again. Kurt had moved on, and he wished he could move on too … find someone else … he just wished it was that little bit easier. He got off stage, took his payment and he and Kelsey went home. Like every night, he curled up in his bed cocooned by his comforter and cried himself into a restless, interrupted sleep.

THE END


End file.
